I have hesitated for days about writing this. I guess I somehow kept convincing myself that if i didn't SAY it, it really wasn't true. But I just can't lie anymore. I need a place to let my anger, frustration and devastation out. I hate to do this as i don't want to discourage others, but I simply HAVE to let this out..........
I had a 2 level neck fusion on monday oct 2nd, c5-7. From the moment i woke up, i knew something had gone horribly wrong. Of course i tried to rationalize i tall, (everyones different , its too early to tell etc etc). I listened to what everyone told me as i lay there sobbing from pain, and trusted in everything they told me because I HAD to.. the alternative wasn't something i could even begin to consider or accept at that time.
But now, 6 days later, I no longer have a choice. I have to accept it. Not only did the surgery not help me in any way, i am MUCH worse. I still have all of the pain I had prior to surgery but amplified times a100. And in addition to that, I seem to have an additional new, severely pinched nerve that wasn't there before. this lovely new condition caused to actually sit straight up in bed for almost 3 days straight because i simply could not lay back against my upper back area. try sleeping sitting straight up, lol
please be assured, i know what post surgery pain and soreness feels like. Yes, my throat is sore etc etc. But this is NOT that - not even close. the little bit of soreness from surgery would be HEAVEN ON EARTH compared to this.
i have only now been able to stop crying long enough to even consider writing this. i have done nothing but cry for 6 straight days. My poor husband is at a loss. The doctors are of course ignoring me ("everything went great....... looks perfect!"), and I have honestly looked at my pill bottles more than once. wondering if you can ever be forgiven for suicide.
don't worry, i won't do that. i'm way too responsible to ever do that to my family. the point is that i even THOUGHT about it.....ME!!!
you know i thought of a lot of outcomes for this..... maybe just minimal improvement, even God forbid no improvement. but i never, EVER considered that i would be infinitely worse......
well, guess thats it, my arms are KILLING me from tryping this already so have to go back to bed. wishing MUCH better results for everyone else. apparently just wasn't meant to be for me.
thank you for listening