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AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,000
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:22 AM in Depression and Coping

Hello everyone. I have never talked to anyone other than doctors and mostly just my pain doctor. Let me start off by telling my situation and then my pain, signs and symptoms.

August 2001 Hit in my mail truck, I WORKED FOR THE USPS, and messed my back up. I have herniations, facet join pain, DDD and then my pains have been various. I got discitis after a radio frequency treatment and was hospitalized 10 days then had to have home IV treatment for 8 months.

My pain is from my lower back. I have pain that radiates chronicly from my right LB and hip down to the front and into my groin area. I get major numbness in my legs. When i make certain shift in weight to my right leg and foot I get these "shocks" in my pain areas that feel like I am being shocked or someone hitting me with a baseball bat. I can brush oh so lightly against a door frame, door knob or wall with my back and it will shock the fire outta me. I am only 35! This started about November of 2007 when I got the back infection and had let up but returned but not to the extent when i got hospitalized. After coming home from the hospital in 2007, I had to walk with a walker. Well, one time I just had my IV pole and was walking from my den to the living room and fell down and could not move or pick myself up. I was totally paralyzed for about 35 minutes. It took that long to move 10 feet using just my elbows, there was no one home.

But anyways, I deal with Federal workers comp and they mess me over on the timeliness of my procedures requested by my physician. I now am about to have a MEDTRONIC nerve stimulator implant in my back and if it does not work then I will be consulted out to have a two level back fusion.
After getting that infection in my spine from just the RF treatments, I am nervous, freaked out and overall confused about having a back fusion.

I am so tired of living in the pain I am in and deserver to live pain free but I just need to read or hear if anyone has had anything similar. My time frame of everything is really abnormal. I was injured in 2001 but kept working delivering mail, walking 12.5 miles a day from August 2001 until July 2002 when it just became too unbearable so I know I aggravated the injury because i did not seek medical attention immediatel. So I have been on pain medications, epidurals, radio frequencies, facet joint injections, discograms, MRIs and everything made in terms of braces, SI Loc straps, TENS units with pads and the back version in the form of the brace but now I will have this implant an it is really my final step before having a back fusion.

Also, let me talk about other pains and relief attempts.
Well, I have to lay on my back and I have to lift my right leg up into a figure four position across my left thigh while laying on my back. When I do get to sleep, I wake up hurting, I am told I cry in my sleep and moan. I am afraid to go to sleep at night, which sounds silly, but it hurts to lay there, it hurts to wake up in the mornings and so I spend many hours awake and then after a few days I am so tired I will sleep for long periods of time and then repeat the cycles. If I lay on my stomach across the bed, I have to roll over carefully to my back and then try to maneuver myself up into the sitting position and then place my hands on my thighs and lift myself up with my upper body.

I have severe depression, but not like suicidal depression. I just hate the burden on my family, I miss and am missing out on so much with my children and wife and know it is all not fair to them but it obviously cannot be helped and I try not to say anything at all but when I am told I cry and moan in my sleep, I am still burdening someone indirectly.

My medications over the years:
Fentynl patches
Lidoderm Patches
Stool Softeners
I think that is all, but right now my current medicinal regimen:
100mg Kadian 2x daily
Phenergan 3x daily
Flexeril 3x daily
Xanax 2mg at bedtime
Lunesta at bedtime
Stool softener every other or third day.

I know this is alot of information but I am trying to think of everything.
OH I feel like my lower half of my body is disconnected from the rest of my body. I sometimes feel like there is something pulling my sciatic nerve in my right hip. It feels as if my groin is being pulled on and sometimes when I move a certain way laying down or sitting down, I can feel a squish like feeling in my right buttock and it is painful. I cannot walk well without holding the walls at times and sometimes feel like I am going to fall because my leg gives out or I have no feeling in my lower extremities.

I hope some of this rings a bell in someones ear so I can find out what helps or does not help and what all you do and have had done or would suggest, but at the same time, I would hate for someone to have this pain!

Again, right now I am 35 and this started when I was 28. That is a LOOOOONG time!



  • eric- it sounds like you are doing as much as you can to help yourself and to not be a burden to your family.

    I have to use a cane alot so I do not fall as I have had my right leg buckle at the hip, and now my left leg has decided to buckle at the knee. I also use an elevated toilet and keep a walker nearby should I get a severe attack where I can barely walk due to the severe pain.

    I have right groin pain and now some left groin pain. I use a moist heat gel pad and it helps that a little.

    I am unable to sleep on my stomach as I freeze in that position so I sleep on my back or side with all kinds of pillows to support my body. I get out of bed by rolling on my side and simutaneously rolling my legs and upper body. I learned this at the hospital by the PT. I was also told by my PT to use a shopping cart as a support when I shop so I can stand more stable.

    I think pain and depression seem to go hand in hand and as my dr told me it is actually part of the pain cycle.
    I think there are members who have had success with a spinal stimulator... take care.. :))) jade
  • Depression is comman after dealing with pain after any period of time. loss of abilitys,mobility,etc can and are debilitating. There is no shame in seeking help.ok? only a fool would not seek out to heal whats hurting.
    Sounds like thing are comingto a head hm? now your gonna be less mobile than before....Internalising these emotions and feelings away from your support/loved ones may alienate them and in a way be a self fulfilling prophecy. Dont be afraid of having a heart to heart with your other half, help her understand whats eating you,then they can be a proactive part of the healing process than an outsider whose hurting looking in.

    Your new identity in life will be shaped on how you handle stress..emeotional ands physical. Seek to empower yourself, get and assimilate as much knowledge as you can about your conditions and emotions, the more you know the more capable you will be able to self heal!

    I said new coz your going to transform to a new way of living, your mostly there, but accepting where and who you are is key.

    Seek legal advice on the W/C issues, it may save heartbreak in the future.
    Your not alone, there are people here whove been where you are now,and others will follow,dont be afraid to ask,seek knowledge,the more you have the better.
    dont push over your physical limits, those times are past, now its "you" time, time to re-evaluate your life. Your gonna be fine ok?!
    hope this helps, dont be afraid your not alone ok?

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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  • I am glad to see replies and so quickly!! I appreciate the replies. I am a Christian and pray and give it all to God, but that does not make things 100% ok. I do have a decent handle on the mental stress but not like I should. Everything revolves around my back and it is sickening and the OWCP thing sucks majorly because it being federal, I cannot find a lawyer. I DID sue the insurance company on the person that hit me. I was friends with this person but the money I received for this was insulting. I would give the money back, if I had it, to live pain-free and be care free as I used to live
  • dilauroddilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,303
    Multiple posts done. Please stay on one topic and category only
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