Hi all. This is my first time on a forum (ever) so please forgive any beginner faux pas. My wife and I have been married for 21 years this November. About 10 years ago she hurt her back while working out. Fast forward to the present... She has had 2 discectomies and a fusion in her lumbar region, a pinched nerve in her cervical region with pain radiating down her shoulders and arms (another fusion possibly?), problems with her knees, problems with her feet and hands, carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists, debilitating migraines, and the depression that goes along with suffering all of these pains on a daily basis. I have absolutely failed her as a husband. I've been angry with the situation, the upheaval, the life changes, and I've taken it out on her. My expectations of her were too high and when they were not met I never held in my disappointment and frustration. It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that 2 weeks ago I found out that not only has she been having an affair for the past 2 years, and worse than that, she no longer loves me. My feelings for her have never changed. She is the love of my life and I am fighting desperately to right my wrongs and repair our marriage. There is no guarantee that it is possible, she has told me that first she has to decide if she even wants to fix it. She has agreed to go to counseling with me though so I am taking what I can get. I just know that part of the work I have to do (if not the majority) is to learn to cope with her chronic pain. I have to believe that I am not the only spouse to ever have this type of response and screw things up this badly. Anyone have any ideas on where to start?