Grief and pain

It's been a tough few days, don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to have my sons and families here with me but the pain was relentless and I was so hoping the piriformis injections I had Thursday would kick in, just have pain on so many different levels I'm not sure if it did kick in! This was our 3rd Christmas without dad, grandpa, my sweet husband and it doesn't get easier. At least not yet, just a huge part of us missing. I also wonder if grief makes physical pain worse, what do you think? I loved being with the kids/grandkids but I'm glad Christmas is over and Jesus is still Immanuel, God wish us! Shalom



  • Yes,it does

    For me,attitude determines outcome.I just finished (binge)a short series that was bittersweet...and sure enough my back became extremely painfull.

    My guard went down,I got to thinking and pow...pain.

    It can't be avoided...only mitigated We all have coping skills but sometimes they just are not enough.

    So we get down and pain comes running.

    One thing I do is transference..I turn my attention to something...anything, not what I want to think about.

    Soon enough I get lost,turn on music and forget

    What do you do?

  • joanne2- I agree with you that grief and stress contribute to pain, in the last 5 years I have lost my mom, dad and a business that I spent 15 years building, I have also had 4 spinal surgeries in that time frame. I have also lost the ability to do almost anything physical such as household chores and my favorite hobby, woodturning. It took awhile but I have finally figured out that I can not dwell on it, if I do I don't think that I would be around much longer. I decided to look at how lucky I am, best and most caring wife in the world, 2 sons and daughter in-laws that would do anything for me, 2 dogs that for some reason love me and some very good friends. I believe it's a frame of mind and it is easy to forget how good you actually have it and dwell on the bad things, just my take on things. Hope you feel better soon

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  • L4_L5LL4_L5 Posts: 1,247
    edited 12/26/2018 - 4:20 PM

    I’m very sorry to hear David. I remember you telling us your personal story earlier this year and how unfair and heartbreaking it is. I lost my dad suddenly last year. It’s very hard.  :'(

  • Thanks everyone, I totally agree. Most of the time, I do my best to focus on other things, reading, listening to music, talking to friends, grandkids, encouraging others, going to the community center pool, watching a good movie with my roommate (another widow) distraction is the best analgesic. I  have had 3 back surgeries and moved to a different state (to be near family) since my husband died but have been blessed with wonderful healthcare and my roommate is a retired nurse! How great is that?! I have many blessings but sometimes the grief and pain overwhelm me so thanks for listening and being there. I'm very thankful for this group and the great information on this site

  • Challenger, my heart certainly goes out to you and you sound like a very courageous young man. The story about your dad breaks my heart. May God bring comfort and healing to your broken heart and 

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  • It's sad that grief is also a form of pain.

    The manifest outwards showing of what's going on inside.

    We make the same faces when we are in pain as when we are trying to hide the physical may hurt less but it is still pain.

    We go through the 5 stages when we are dealing with the physical ..same as the mental pain

    Some docs know this and holistically prescribe  for emotional as well as physical pain

    Others will pass it off...someone elses problem.

    We are integrated creatures and when the balance goes off it affects other areas so...we learn to be strong in mind,body and spirit

    Or we are taught how to be so.

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,163

    My heart goes out to all of you. David, I knew the story of your father and it broke my heart. Challenger, I did not know your story and I am so sorry for all you have been through.
    Joanne, I've read your replies to others, very heartfelt, but I did not know your story either. I am so sorry for your loses.
    L4-L5, I'm sorry for the lose of your dad this year. Nutcase, you have gone through so much, too much.
    This forum does more than help other members with spinal issues. It brings out who we are, how we feel and what mental pain and heart breaking pain we are all going through. 

    I see all of you on here almost every day, helping others, supporting and talking, giving very good advice. And I can't thank you enough. You are all a big part of why this forum is so great.
    And William, with his always just at the right time poems, what would we do?

  • memerianbolt- Very well said, this forum has helped my emotional state tremendously and I am thankful for all of you.

  • I'm pretty new here but you've all been a life line already. And William, you are so right, we are body, mind and spirit, no part is affected without the others. I've yet to find a doctor who wants to deal with anything but the physical except to offer antidepressants. In all fairness, most do their best, at least that's been my experience. Thank you all so much for responding! 

  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,011
    edited 12/27/2018 - 2:55 AM

    I was lucky in a way

    My chiropractor  took the time to look into my different areas and recommended  counseling early on in my treatment. 

    With no support at home  I was left to use my own wits along with natural inclinations of my type A personality  to seek solutions 

    My doc who did the esi and injections was of the same cut. All docs are to a degree equal. .its the humanity in them..that inherent  part that may get burned away amidst the constant storm of suffering they are subjected to daily and that they may find themselves helpless to fix.

    Some of us won't be fixed.we have reached MMI

    So what's left?

    It's up to us to find that formula that will help us not only survive...but emotionally and spiritually  thrive.

    Not all parts of us are broken and remembering  that helps. Like any break, the rest of the organism can do one of two things

    Get stronger and compensate or wilt under to the strain. 

    I chose to not be that dried flower in my book of days...I choose to live well as I can to spite..and in spite of the pain.

    I will burn that candle hard until it is done.

    I think we are all faced with a choice

    Fight? Or give up and in. What makes us human is components of this. What we do when it counts makes up our stories.

    We are in it for the long getting around that

    So how we decide to live decide to key

    We will stumble

    We will fall

    But we can also decide to get back up everytime.

    That is defining character..we will get sad and down..we ARE still human..when did a decision happen  that we can't be happen?

    So we huddle together in the darkness and listen to the other voices in the darkness ..and give and take comfort from that.

    So with rising with the sun all will be forgiven inside for falling...we learn to be gentle with ourselves rather than be on the defensive from battling pain...and we rise once more

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