How did We get Here?



  • Angie,

    It is because of people such as yourself that I am able to make it through another day.  I appreciate all the prayers and warm thoughts I receive everyday.  This is such a special group of people.  I would like to say also the moderators are so kind and caring. 

    Lately I have had many wonderful people message me and check just to see how I am doing.  In a world of darkness and despair this is truly a beacon of light and love for us all.


  • Although you wrote this beautiful piece back in March, I'm only reading it now (somewhat new to the group).  Thank you for reaching out and offering hope and prayers.  I can't stand this pain.  I want the doctors to FIX it.  I'm following all the proper instructions, and still I wake up in pain.  Sometimes I'm ok, most times I just stop and cry.  It can feel like such a loney journey.  It feels like everyone around me is doing just fine and I'm supposed to be "fine" around them.   Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts and for sending out prayers.  I'm so grateful for this forum and good people like you.

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  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 3,489


    dmo is such a wonderful person!!
    This is a lonely journey but you are not alone here. Join us more often, rant and cry, we've all done it. That's what this forum is for, support and helping each other.

  • dmoddmo Posts: 471
    edited 06/10/2019 - 7:54 PM

    Hi MJCG,

    Mary,  Your comment struck a familiar chord deep within me when I read your past messages.  I also absolutely dread going to bed at night.  The reason being I know without a doubt I will awaken a few hours later in pain.  When a person fears sleep they become a hostage in the world they live in. 

    I consider myself most fortunate that in this climate of anti opiate prescribing I am blessed my dr has the compassion to offer these kinds of meds to make my days easier to live through.  I am a believer in the multiple therapy approach to pain control.  That being said having an opiate pain med to help reduce my pain is necessary in my life right now.  I will acknowledge there are others here who are able to fight the good fight everyday without opiates, I am just not one of them.  It would seem your meds and the therapies you have tried have had a limited positive impact on your pain thus far. 

    Mary this is just my opinion but as such its another option you might want to consider.  It is my privilege to pray for you and your return to good health

    God bless you and best wishes also. 


  • DMO - God bless you as well!  I am definitely leaving all medical options open.  Thanks for being here and sharing your experience and wisdom with me!

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  • I'll tell you my story of how I got here. I have nothing to lose and maybe someone will learn from it. I embarrassingly injured (and ruined my life) a couple months after turning 28. I'm 29 now. But for 2 or 3 years prior to turning 28, I would wear boots with 3 inch insoles. I did this because I was ashamed of my height as a short man and got tired of being judged as inadequate compared to others. Well turns it was the worst decision I could have made for my health. As I woke up with horrendous stabbing pain in my lower back. Embarrassed that my back pain was an overuse of some lower muscles. I didn't see a doctor immediately. By the time I did most doctors I saw said it was muscle strain. The one orthopedic surgeon assistant that did give me an MRI revealed a l5s1 central disc protrusion. I don't know whether to be grateful or mad as he did not refer me to surgery. I deal with lower back pain everyday. My new primary even advised me that my protrusion wasn't the cause of my back pain and sent me to a chiropractor and all but dismissed me. I wonder if I'm going to overdose on Advil as I have been taking it daily in small doses. But how much can the body take? I am honestly envious of those with you with "good" doctors that actually want to help you or at the very least listen to you. Anyway. That's my story. I could've had the "normal life" if I just accepted myself. God bless. Take care

  • I respect all and their religious beliefs or lack there of. I to look towards the cross.  Maybe someday I find it was not real or I’m just in a blank state of it does or does not matter but I choose to believe in it for strength.  I am not where many of you are but I would be here for each and everyone of you.  My great grandfather Shuler was known as the type to give the shirt off his back.  I knew him when I was 10 and under and it hurt when he passed.  I also unlike many of my family have gone through life in my 44 years my own stubborn way.  I experienced things that were eye ( maybe third eye) opening back in my following the Grateful Dead days.  And some other beautiful musical sounds thereafter I felt worthy of my time.  I also broke several guitars 3 years ago in tears because it hurt too bad to play standing or sitting.  My wife was able to fix several with wood glue.  Others lost in the fit of sadness and rage now hang in my musical man cave.  I loved sports and adventure to the extreme.   I do have hope.  And I bring love.  The old saying where there is love there is Hope rings out to me.  But I struggle like hell.  Im no where close the dad to my youngest son that I was to my oldest due to my chronic pain.  At 8 he is sleeping in between my wife and I as i type this.  I found business success on my own.  Didn’t inherit my fathers biz though I could have.  I liked balancing both getting my hands dirty and creating business worldwide in a complete polar opposite biz than what most would expect upon meeting me. And was the top tier of my industry though that can’t stay for long if I can’t become mobile again.  I respect my elders and those younger than me.  I was told by a world and industry vet last fall that no one has my passion but it now hurt to watch me hurt while teaching my trade abroad. The line in the sand though not crossed I see it.  Scared to death of it.  As much for me but for my wife and children and parents to see me approach it.  2:35 am and I am hanging out due to hours of sleep out of wack.  Due to surgery and pain.  Hugs and good rest to you all.  We can escape sometimes in our dreams.  Often not even there though.  May your glasses someday soon be filled.  My brothers and sisters in pain  DC

  • Without a doubt the single most important thing in my life is love.  My own personal definition of love is "Caring more for the person you love than you do for yourself".  I hope my words below do not cross any lines of SH protocol. 

    These words were written over two thousand years ago yet they are the most wise I have ever read. " Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast.  It is not self seeking nor easily angered.  It keeps no record of wrongs committed against it.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.  Love never fails." 

    While these words were written by a human being they were definitely inspired by one of Heavenly origin. 

    Superback, I would venture to say your life is such that you are looking for answers and meaning to your life as it is.  I would like to say to you I am sorry you are suffering such great pain.  There are many here who walk with you each day.  I also have sat up in pain more  nights than I would care to admit to.   Pain surely changes us over time. 

    If you have someone who cares for you and walks each day with you then consider yourself a blessed man.  Having both family and friends to help carry our burdens is such a joy to my soul. 

    I have a few friends here on SH who I dearly love and I am so thankful for them.  Those closest to me give me hope for better days to come.   Life without hope is surely a life lost. 

    My prayers are with you.  It is my pleasure to do this.


  • Love is beautiful and awesome. You are spot on.  

  • Love is beautiful and awesome. You are spot on.   Your post is 100 percent inspiration.  I am blessed and lucky to have found people here recently.  Including you dmo.  I am a blessed man.  No doubt. Thank you for re-emphasizing and helping me to see. Your apology regarding my pain expresses the character of your unconditional love to people of the world in this case me. Thank you.  I walked with my father first today then this evening with my 8 year old. My wife just sent me to bed about an hour ago because I was starting to do a bit too much.  I had been in bed a lot lately and I have a bad habit of doing too much after bouts of pain that I end up back where I started.  Today I could was just to walk 2 x at 10 minutes but I walked an extra 8 minutes so about 14 each go. Plus I hung out around my family instead of going straight back to bed. I do have a lot of ice on me. I’m in early recovery stages of my second ALIF.  A little over 3 weeks since so granted I will have a lot of bed time and siting is just not doable but I was happy to just feel good enough to stand in the den.  Love on the dogs. I smiled a lot today. First day I have had like this in a good month.  Tomorrow may be different.  And today though awesome was not so much as a shadow of who I wish to get back to being but it was undoubtedly a step in the right direction.  I wish all of you a pleasant evening.  DMO thx again for the positive message above.  It is beautiful.  DC

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