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Depression after fusion.

 Thank God for this message board. I didn't realize depression hits such a high percentage of people after fusion surgery or other major back surgery. I'm always wanted to try and put on a happy face and move on. But there are times since my surgery 3 weeks ago that my mind has gone to some really bad places. I worry I stress. But as I read through this message board it's really par for the course.

Everybody tells me I'm doing very well in my recovery. Even still I have a hard time not being able to jump in and take care of my 4 and 6 year old kids. I am two years removed from my divorce. I have split custody of the kids. It's frustrating because one of the reasons why my ex divorced me was because of my back problems I have had for the past 10 years. I have major fears that I will lose custody of my kids because of my health. In some regards I have already accepted that I could possibly lose custody of my kids and not be able to work and going disability. But that is my mind going to some dark places.

The flip side is I take my time off that I have for the recovery and I get better. I just had no idea how many people have the same worries depression and anxiety because of their surgery and back ailments as I do.

Thank God for this website. I've been spending a lot of time reaching out to  and my network of support. The bottom line is it kills me to not be able to help my kids. The kids have grown to rely and expect Super Dad to be there. But it's hard.

One of my brothers that's helping me told me it's completely normal to feel the way that I have been feeling. I can't drive I can't cook for myself I can't clean for myself I can't stand for more than 30 to 45 minutes without having to go lay down for hours. My independence has been taken away from me. And there's no guarantee my back will heal the way I wanted to. So it really is one day at a time for one hour at a time one minute at a time. And to not live in the future or the past because all I have is right now.

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Comments

  • Thank you for taking the time to respond. I think one of the biggest things I'm learning is that when I do recover from this I need to carry the support to the other people that need it. As I have received support from you guys. I've been told it's going to be a process of two steps forward one step back. This is one of those days where it's one step back. This process is teaching me more about compassion.

  • challengercchallenger Posts: 1,187
    edited 07/18/2019 - 2:09 PM

    Vegas

    My way of combating depression has always been to keep my mind occupied, be it by reading, tv, games and of course this forum which has been the best thing for me, being able to communicate with other people that are or have been in the same situation is very beneficial, you are still very early in the recovery process, I will tell you that when you start turning the corner things start happening quickly, the main thing is when that happens, don't overdo, and always remember we are here for you.

    Chip

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  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 3,412

    Vegas

    You just had surgery!! You are not supposed to be cooking and cleaning. You should (probably for once) concentrate on you. If you try real hard to recover well (please read the link Ron gave you on recovery, great article) then you will be super mom like you were before, except better!!
     A positive attitude will get you a long way. Sometimes we have to look in the mirror to pull our inner strengths out and realize we can do this. It also helps to know you have a lot of support from us. I personally do not know what I would do without all of the great members that have supported me over the years. That's why I love giving back.

    We are here for you. If you have any questions just ask.
    Take care and keep us posted.

  • Vegas-

    I have just reached my 12th week post op.  Soon I'll be facing going back to work and trying to resume my life as before only hopefully in less pain.  Someone asked me yesterday if I am still spending much time in bed and it was then that it occurred to me, unless someone initiates and outing (partly due to I can't drive yet), I do spend the majority of my time propped in bed, reading or surfing the net.  My husband made mention of this too as to when I plan to start spending more time outside of my hideaway, sitting with him to watch TV--or just being in the same room. I need to rejoin society and get back into a normal social routine.  I'm hoping that once I am cleared to drive I won't give it another thought and will once again start living again.  I have become too comfortable being reclusive.  When I go out, I have a great time and I know my limits not to over do it.

    I am a bit concerned at how content I am to retreat and if I wasn't asked the questions mentioned above, I might not  have realised how much time I have retreated, using my recovery as an excuse.  I still have a long way to go from my c2-c6 fusion--still having problems with headaches and pain, but come May 20th when I see the surgeon for what I think will be my "release" from his care, I'm becoming more anxious about returning to work and rejoining and enjoying life.  I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I hope in time (you're still in the early stages of recovery) you'll bounce back and be the Mom you really want to be.


    Fiona

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