Thank God for this message board. I didn't realize depression hits such a high percentage of people after fusion surgery or other major back surgery. I'm always wanted to try and put on a happy face and move on. But there are times since my surgery 3 weeks ago that my mind has gone to some really bad places. I worry I stress. But as I read through this message board it's really par for the course.
Everybody tells me I'm doing very well in my recovery. Even still I have a hard time not being able to jump in and take care of my 4 and 6 year old kids. I am two years removed from my divorce. I have split custody of the kids. It's frustrating because one of the reasons why my ex divorced me was because of my back problems I have had for the past 10 years. I have major fears that I will lose custody of my kids because of my health. In some regards I have already accepted that I could possibly lose custody of my kids and not be able to work and going disability. But that is my mind going to some dark places.
The flip side is I take my time off that I have for the recovery and I get better. I just had no idea how many people have the same worries depression and anxiety because of their surgery and back ailments as I do.
Thank God for this website. I've been spending a lot of time reaching out to and my network of support. The bottom line is it kills me to not be able to help my kids. The kids have grown to rely and expect Super Dad to be there. But it's hard.
One of my brothers that's helping me told me it's completely normal to feel the way that I have been feeling. I can't drive I can't cook for myself I can't clean for myself I can't stand for more than 30 to 45 minutes without having to go lay down for hours. My independence has been taken away from me. And there's no guarantee my back will heal the way I wanted to. So it really is one day at a time for one hour at a time one minute at a time. And to not live in the future or the past because all I have is right now.