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sex life

neednewbacknneednewback Posts: 226
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:22 AM in Depression and Coping
I have not made love to my wife in 2 months. This is not because our relationship is bad, she is afraid of putting me in too much pain, which it does. I figure this is one of thoes healthy life questions and was wondering how many people cannot or do very infrequently because of pain.

Last time we made love directly after I had to pop pain meds and tried not to let her know that I was in that much pain. there are some things that put me in pain that I will not give up, holding my 15 month old daughter, making love to my wife every now and then and visiting friends. The amount this help with the soul makes it worth having to be in elevated pain or take more pain meds.

Please give your take on this.


  • Not that I have any room to comment (I am single for 3 years now) but, have you tried/considered having your wife be the aggressor and be on top. Could be fun and be less taxing on your back!?? Just a thought :X
  • hi yea my name is carol
    my husband as had a bad back from april this year and sometime we can make love but some time hes in a lot of pain and when he trys he can feel the bones in his back rubbing and that makes him stop because it hurts so much
    we still try other things which helps sometimes and when hes aroused and when the pain comes he loses the erection and thats the end of making love we still try all the time the doc told us that he as ddd what did you do to your back and do you feel the rubbing in your back when making love
    going on top does not help as its just the same
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  • Have you and your wife given any thought to using toys? Would be a great way to still satisfy each other, without too much physical exertion. And there is nothing more fun (in my opinion) than experimentation with different positions and the such with your partner. As long as you both are willing to try different things, im sure you will find something that will work. :>
  • I know its frustrating, trust me. Our honeymoon consisted of getting a massage to work out the knots created during the plane ride, and then alternating from the pool to the hot tub!! My sex life is pretty few and far between right now because of my pain and my husband is scared he'll hurt me. Its a tough struggle, but I say try a pain pill ahead of time, do a little foreplay to let the pill kick in, and then maybe you can get through it. We have experimented with a lot of different positions with pillows to help support me, and it is actually pretty tolerable that way.
  • dilauroddilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,571
    No question that chronic pain, spinal problems, spinal surgeries, medications can all have an adverse impact on
    sexual activity. Be it physically or emotionally.

    I do suggest that everyone re-read Jenny's (lulusheart) post.
    That says so much and allows couples to maintain that level
    of being intimate without risking physical pain.
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  • :) why not get away from the actual act and go for holding hands, rubbing each other, touching? these acts can be as satisfying as the real thing, especially if extra pain is involved. i know this may sound corny but after awhile these acts are just a sensual and satisfying as the real thing. :X we have been together for almost 30 years and have tried lots of different sexual positions to no avail. good luck with whatever you decide to do and have fun with it! Jenny :)
  • Sex life is pretty non-existent here. I have told my husband that the missionary position is extremely painful, but he wont try other stuff. He does his thing, rolls over and goes to sleep and my pain level is usually a 10 for the next week. He is always asking for oral sex, which I will not do for someone who really doesnt care about me. Right now for me, sex is way over-rated. :(
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