New doctor doesn’t recommend surgery. I’ve given up

Pretty much nothing else left to do. He wants me to lose weight and do water exercises. Says my back isn’t bad, that it’s just arthritis (actually have been diagnosed with both spinal stenosis and spondylosis). 

If I didn’t have kids I’d seriously end my life. I’m miserable everyday. Can’t sleep cause the pain wakes me up multiple times at night. I can’t even believe there are people worse than me. I don’t know how you cope but I can’t. 

I have no happiness anymore and my wife is dealing with her own issues but doesn’t seem to care. Still expects me to carry heavy stuff when she knows it hurts. 

Sorry just ranting. 



  • Have you tried a second or 3rd opinion? I had to see a spinal specialist to get answers on my back. 

  • Most of us have been where you are at one time or another, you can't give up, as you said you have kids depending on you, sometime you have to keep looking to find the right doctor, I went through 4 before I found the right one.

    If you decide to look for a new doctor, when you see them do not be emotional, doctors do not like that, be very precise, tell them where it hurts, when it hurts the most and so on, write it all down, including all questions you have.

    Take care and keep us posted


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  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,343

    Hello Robbnva!!

    Please keep your discussions to one thread. You have 2 post and members have to go back and forth to see what has happened.

    Coping with pain isn't easy. But to me, you have reasons not to give up. Your doctor suggested losing weight and water exercises, both of which can help with pain. You have kids, pain or no pain, they should be the one reason not to give up. If it were me, I would talk to my doctor about managing my pain better and start doing what he wants me to do. Then talk about other options.

    We all manage and cope with pain different. I do not want to give up, I have too much to live for. That is one way I deal with it. I will not let the pain run my life.

    I am glad you joined this site and I hope with more conversations it will help you out.
    Take care and keep us posted,

  • Thanks for the advice But each of my posts are unrelated to each other and there are different sub forums for a reason. 

    I wouldn’t post this on one of my other threads. I wouldn’t post about backjoy on my post about the chirp wheel. 

  • mouchetmmouchet Posts: 44
    edited 08/01/2019 - 2:37 PM

    I am glad your doctor did not advise surgery.  I think that is a last option, and he must think something else can be done.   

    Also I am glad you have a family.  I know about depression, and I have only 1 girlfriend, who I have lost love for and one mother who is old and eventually will pass on. You have something to live for.


    Have you talked to your wife about these feelings?  

    Edited by Sandra for medical advice

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  • Hi Robbnva, I am sorry about all of the pain you are experiencing.  Personally, I do not have chronic pain, but my husband does.  I found this letter on the website and it really helped me understand what he is going through.  I thought I would share it with you to see if it hits home, and for you to possibly share it with your wife.  It might help her understand.

    Hope this helps!

  • I too saw many docs, all said surgery would not help. Why? They never said.. in my case it took awhile but it was because there was not one area bad, there are 4. I ended up accepting it after a long time. During that time PM messed me up, PT made it worse and so on.

    It feels like the end of the world had come, but it hasn't things will get better,  different but better just take it moment by moment and try not to concern yourself to much on tomorrow or the next day.

    In my case thinking about it made it worse . Keep looking and listening, possibly they're telling you but you can't hear from the pain and thoughts. 

    10 plus years bi-lateral sciatica, S1-L5, L5-L4 dried up, both herniated.

    Good luck

  • Please disregard my previous post. It's inappropriate and I do apologize 

  • Don’t apologize for venting. It’s good and normal and healthy to vent IMO. Never ever give up. @couchpotato68

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