Thats funny, you dont act hurt?

Whats hurt supposed to look like? Or act like??

I try to walk with an even gait because i will bend over,neck down and drag my left leg..while my right leg folds by itself

I smile because no one cares when i make pain noises because of a spasm,or my knee hyper extends while standing,or the carpal tunnel-cervical neuropathy sends waves of pain into my hands..and the lumbar makes pins,needles and sparkles in my feet

Or that i am still strong despite my infirmities

Or that i stopped complaining because deaf ears are worse than no ears.

How is hurt supposed to look and act to fit some stereotypical prejudices that normals associate with bums,malingerers and frauds?

Does pain have a mask like some tragic greek or Japanese noh play?

is a grimace and suffering look part of the kit you recieved at injury? Along with the psychological stigmata that others think you should exhibit....

I wasn't brought up that way nor is it part of my persona

I suffer...silently and privately as to not make people around me offer pity or "looks". 

I do it quietly because they dont care and if i start looking for sympathy..there is a vast void of disappointment waiting at the end of that trail.


How is hurt supposed to look like? I'll keep them wondering i think 



  • Like you William, I gave up a long time ago trying to tell people how I feel, if they have never had a bad spinal injury they can't understand, if you think about it, there is no way they can, I do get a chuckle out of the ones that say, I know how you feel, I pulled a muscle in my back last year, yeah right.

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,163


    Again, thank you, just in time I needed those words. Been struggling lately.

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  • Hi William
    You hit a hot point for me with your words. You would think they could see the pain in our face and how guarded and slow everything we do is. I hate pity too and try not to ever speak of my pain for that exact reason they don't get it and don't even try.. It used to hurt a lot more than it does now with their treatment and these are people I devoted my life to. Questions like " how was your night?" or " what did you do fun today?". make me want to scream. I got a e-mail yesterday from someone I thought got it and they asked if I was going to be able to make Christmas cookies this year? Really did you not see me last week and notice that I can barely walk across the room. They don't want to see it because seeing it makes them uncomfortable, sad, irritated, obligated or guilty. I don't want pity but I want respect for the person I am and for them to step up like I have time and time again in the past. 
    The sad thing is I have internet friends who share this world of ours and they are the ones I pour my heart out to. Then feel sad and angry as hell that I do that cause I want them to know and enjoy the positive, fun, interesting side of me. 
    We can make excuses for others but to me if you care you dig and find out how a person feels. Those in our llife that don't care more about themselves or are of course some are scared to get the truth.There doesn't have to be a sign painted on our forehead saying " I am in Pain". 
    Sorry I got off track and ramble on this post is a excellent one to me William it is something we all deal with and can have a huge effect on us I think.
    By the way when do you visit us here in Salt Lake? I know it was in August right are you going to be able to do it? Of course you will because you care so much and would do whatever it takes.
    Take care Sherri

  • Hope

    I wasnt able to make it but the family is up there for the training camp. Maybe next year.his dad was a little disappointed  i couldnt get the time off but he understood. Same this weekend,another invite i have to pass  because ime a one man show here.

    Christmas Cookies

    To use an analogy, the sacrifice a rich person gives is not as dear as a poor persons.

    We are health poor and things we do come at a greater cost than healthy peoples. 

  • I had my pain management doctor say to me last week, well you look good, while I was writhing in pain on the hard exam table. It's amazing what a little make up can do to hide the dark circles due to MANY sleepless nights, for us ladies anyway. I left in tears, surely pain doctors should be required to have chronic pain, lol. 

    My son and brother just don't get why I can't hop on a plane and come to see them while my heart breaks that I can't go see my sister who is in the last stages of multiple myeloma or my daughter and grandkids in New York. I went out to lunch with a friend last week and it took me days to recover. 

    I too have given up trying to explain and decided that extending grace is the best for those who don't get it or say dumb or hurtful things it's best for me too, it takes away the resentment, most of the time.  Surely I would say dumb things too and probably have in other situations. Our experiences give us wisdom we might otherwise not have and makes us more compassionate people and that's a good thing! Thank you William for your insightful posts that get us thinking about these things. 

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  • Well said, all of you !!!

  • I walk straight as i can because when i tire i lurch and drag myself around. Then the not sleeping. That was my buggaboo...i work nites so i sleep in daytime...which helps the insomnia until the circadian rhythms want to swap.

    I stopped volunteering to do stuff because folks take it for granted about my helping streak.

    Long trips are a pain because when ime coming back is when it hurts and ime not home to bed...ugh

  • gfishggfish Pittsburgh PAPosts: 104

     With the holidays coming I will be printing again and handing out ., An Open Letter from a Person with Chronic Pain. If some have never read it, Read it. Or read it again. Type it in the search bar above or you can Google it. It explains  a lot of how a person feels. And how other think you look. 

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