When the “can’ts” overwhelm...

I’ve tried to focus on the things I CAN do, I can walk, I can enjoy a lazy river at a water park, I can stand up without grunting most of the time, but this week the “cant’s” have gotten me. I went to a theme park with my daughters and couldn’t ride anything but my scooter. I was supposed to go on a team outing from work today and couldn’t because something went wrong with my scooter and I couldn’t fix it alone in a parking lot. I dropped my keys and couldn’t pick them up, had to wait for a kind soul to help.

How do you handle it when the can’ts threaten to overwhelm you? I’m already struggling dealing with work people who don’t understand what it’s like to go through 2 surgeries and 6 months off work in the last year, and today probably was perceived as a “cop out”. They don’t understand how hard it is to be on the sidelines and not able to participate in the fun stuff yet. 



  • I understand the feeling and I think there a lot of us on here that understand it also, we all have our coping mechanisms, I have been at this for a very long time now, like you, I try to concentrate on what I can still do, but at times that is not enough and I have a few bad days, the other thing I do is try to stay busy with something that keeps my mind occupied, that helps most of the time anyway, just know you are not alone in your feelings and we all have to learn our own way.

    Take care and keep us posted


  • You leave people behind..

    You learn to be harder against what people say and do unconsciously 

    You stop caring what "they" think..nd concentrate on what is good and right fr you to think

    You stop doing things you cant do and do what you can..amd learn to tell people "i cant" taking the psychological pressure off yourself.

    You learn to lean on others even though it goes against what you believe in.

    You learn to mentally stand on your own two feet because "they" will let you down.

    You take what joy you can from the new life..

    You find courage you disnt know you had

    You learn failure is not the end of anything, it is a change in direction

    You take your pride and go against the dying of the light ungracefully and stubbornly.  You face the beast everyday and fight..some days you win

    Some you lose -but your always fighting for your light.

    You do what you can...let go of what you can't 

    You learn to free your mind from the chains nad limitations..self imposed or physicality in origin

    Recognize the signs of oncoming depression and acquire coping skills to fight harder than the darkness

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  • Thanks everyone for your insights. I'm also struggling with the can'ts and I know the key is to STOP struggling! To accept the can'ts, focus on the cans and move on, be content and grateful. I like what William said about "free your mind from the chains" ! For me, that has to be a conscious choice each day. My mind can be my worst enemy when I see myself as less of a person because I'm what the world calls handicapped. I'm still who God made me to be, I still have value and purpose. It's just different than what it used to be. 

    I have a few good friends who understand and they are gems and we encourage one another. As for those who don't, it's ok I hope they never experience what us spineys do. No, bagdobs you are not alone and that means SO much. Ok thanks guys, I'm ready to face the day, it's an adventure really. Blessings.


  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,343

    William always comes to the rescue!! Thanks William!

    This thing called chronic pain has hardened me a bit. I don't care what other people think. You could not get them to understand if you talked all day. Now, I just say "today is not a good day for me". You cannot control what people think. And I certainly do not put on a happy face like everything is fine.

    Don't feel bad, I used to ride a Harley now I ride a scooter!!

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