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20 Years ago this week

William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,010
edited 12/12/2019 - 3:22 AM in Chronic Pain Forum

Happy 20th anniversary to me!

Its been 20 years this week! I cant believe it...20 years it finallly happened 20 years have passed  like an errant breeze.

It hasn't been a rewarding relationship..in fact i want a divorce.yesterday..now?

Till death do us part you cast iron ...........

I never should have gotten together in the first place  but fate made us partners..and ive hated you every hour of every day. At first i cursed you daily and wished you had never come into my life..I wish i had never met you and have hated you like no other hate..it is a burning rage that no person should  have to nurse.

Should not have to abide because of a need to feed off the negative energy. It keeps me warm at nite, helps me walk when i shouldn't and go on beyond my limits

Because hate burns and it is a power like no other. I look in the mirror and see the bent twisted creature that shouldnt have been borne but did and is now also 20..years...old

No meds can cure the fire inside

I bear the scars that cant be seen...because people only look at the outer..not the inner person 

Happy anniversary to my pain!

20 years ago today.

blow out the candles and cut the cake written December whatever 1999 into little pieces and eat them one by one


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Comments

  • William, well at least there is cake, just trying to find something positive :-). Pain definitely takes on a life of it's own and I don't know why she has to be so mean! We will never be friends but I'll have to find a way to coexist because fighting just leaves me exhausted. 

    I'll not say Happy Anniversary but rather congratulations for your determination to be the best you can be all these years! Cheers! 

    Joanne

  • Joann

    Just because..ill get a serving of cherry cheese cake enough forr two!  we'll symbolically eat that cake together ! 

    Everybody should eat cherry cheese cake!

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  • Absolutely! Cherry cheesecake for everyone! 

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137

    William

    I make the best homemade cherry cheesecake, tall and decedent, melt in your mouth. 
    At least you made it this far and still be here to talk about it like you do. Your words have always helped me, as well as others.

  • ....mmmmmmmm cheese ....

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  • Ok I hate pain too.  I am not supposed to hate anything but when I get through the pearly gates my first question is going to be why make 1/3 of the people on the planet suffer? I’m afraid I know the answer, it’s on page 3 of the OT.  And I know it will make sense then, but for now it’s so tough to deal with or watch. man to feel it at times from head to toe, see your parents die from cancer, hear these stories on the forum and many other situations 

    ....ugh, I’m so sorry for every one of you and especially you mods and William, I’ll never speak with the fine prose you do but I agree....

    I _____ hate _____ pain!!!

  • Dec 19th, it rings in my head ai i guess thats the day..but i had pain long before that in the lumbar area.

    Im not so conscientious that i care whether or not i meet standards anymore

    Life and pain cynicism and hope have warred long enough that its easier to live with a clean conscience and spirit than meet any sort of anyones expectations. 

    Too bad

    So sad

    Ill live up to and with my fallabilitys.

    Ime tore up...but in order to eat, i have a job where a physical confrontation is possible..ime no brawler but i can still defend myself. 

    You gotta do whatcha gotta do..which also entails my artistic side..i write,i do photography,play music on occasion..there is a  balance to be found in order to make it 

    I adapted, accepted,rationalized and a whole lot of other things and survived.

    A person can wither away and die inside

    Or decide to go on with life despite and in spite of pain.

    Pain is merely a thing  to me...got it sussed out...know what its about and now its not important 

    Its only important as  i decide to attach to it.

    Pain is 24 hrs 7 days a week..so its like another part of me..inconvenience and all..but not all encompasing.

    What years are left are mine.

    I am a greedy tenant in this body,mind and existence as given to me as free will dictates.

    My existence

    My rules 

    Imagine walking in the woods on a trail and come across a thing in the way..i mearely go around it instead  of it stopping me i keep going at a certain pace and keep moving.

    Pain can stop you, or make you take detours..which means you haven't  stopped moving just not as efficiently or a strait line.



  • I cannot remember a day without pain and some type of pain meds. I have been living with it since I was in my late twenties. I am 58 now with undiagnosed neck and lower back pain. For decades it was 4 or 5 migraines a week. So pass the cheesecake and cheers to each of us for our perseverance 

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137

    nancyann

    It's the perseverance I admire in each and every one of you. We take it one day at a time, and like William said, "Pain can stop you, or make you take detours..which means you haven't  stopped moving just not as efficiently or a strait line."

    Sandra



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