The Things no one tells you.

dmoddmo Posts: 543
edited 12/14/2019 - 6:50 PM in Chronic Pain Forum

To my dear friends may peace and joy of the Christmas season be upon you.

I never dreamed I would live out my last twenty years (If I am lucky) chasing pain away.  Pain is relentless and unyielding.  Pain goes forth to conquer and enslave us all. 

I wish my parents and grandparents would have sat me down and told me the truth of what it really would be like to age and live in pain.  My father and grandfather both suffered from degenerative disc disease just as I do now.  I guess I was not smart enough to see the writing on the wall.  When I was younger I went to work and then went out on dates or out with friends till the early hours of the morning.  I literally did burn the candle at both ends. 

My job was physical and I pushed myself way to hard.  I thought that extra sixteen hours of overtime each week would put me in the same circles as Donald Trump!!!  In reality all it did was age me even faster.   

I also thought the medical community would make sure I had the meds necessary to keep me relatively comfortable.  I never envisioned the opiate crisis.  I just wish the CDC and the media  would honestly report what is going on.  I wish the CDC HAD TO list the street drugs which are responsible for overdoses instead of pinning it all on chronic pain patients.  I am totally disillusioned with the way pain patients are being treated. 

I am very thankful my drs for the most part are kind and compassionate.  I have a twenty year relationship with most of them.  They know I need my meds and never question me or ask me to take less.  That day may be coming though. 

Now when I am in line at the pharmacy or grocery store and I see a young person I tell them to enjoy their life now while they can.  I also tell them to take care and not harm their bodies.  Lastly I offer the advice to enjoy life, never putting off family reunions or holiday get togethers because time is so precious.  I often close with the reality of what living in pain is like.  Young people are just as I was-- not understanding that chronic pain will seriously alter their lives and not for the better. 

I believe many here will see the truth of this message and identify similar circumstances in their own lives.  I feel it is best to pass on the wisdom of the aging process to the young if possible.  I only hope they have the wisdom to listen.

God bless




  • Thank you for your post. I read it as I was fighting the helplessness that constant pain brings upon me. My mother suffered for many years with pain. She and I finally forgave each other and bonded in our struggle with pain,meds and doctors. She was the only one who understood the depression and anxiety that come when pain seems to never end. Unfortunately she died suddenly from an aneurysm last April. Finding this website has been helpful when I feel alone and uncertain. Your posts are especially nice and always so honest. Many prayers and God’s blessings,Nancyann 

  • Dale, nancyann, thank you for being there. I'm feeling very weary of the battle this weekend and when I do, I close myself off and don't want to talk or see anyone. Sometimes, just sometimes, I need to be alone where no one will ask me how I am doing. I wish my pain wasn't what people see when they look at me. I want to talk about something, anything other than my pain so I try to change the subject but it always seems to wander back there. With older people conversation often goes into what a friend used to call an "organ recital", lol.

    I went to a neighbors funeral this week, it was so nice to hear who he was until old age stole his identity.  I only knew him as the sweet, kind, guy next door who couldn't see because of macular degeneration and dragged around an oxygen tank. I often tried to draw him out when I saw him but didn't know his story.  I'm hoping I can minister to his wife in her grief, it will be 4 years for me soon and it seems like yesterday and it seems like a hundred years ago. 

    Thanks Dale, your posts help us express and work through the emotional aspect of our pain and as nancyann said, the helpless feelings it brings. We can get out of ourselves by helping others and so yes, we'll keep encouraging one another and urging those younger to savor each phase of life. 

    Christmas blessings,


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  • dmoddmo Posts: 543
    edited 12/16/2019 - 8:44 PM

    My dear friends, please know I truly understand how pain plus years of life equals a very tired and worn down individual. 

    This conversation reminds me of these well known words.  "When you were young, you dressed yourself and came and went as you pleased, now you are much older and others dress you and take you where you do not wish to go". 

    As we age we lose our ability to live our lives independently of the world around us.  All of our senses lose their ability to guide us through our days.  We no longer see well, we no longer hear well.  Our strength is poured out as water would be from a pitcher.  We lose our self confidence and must rely on the sympathy of family and friends.  Finally we are no longer as mentally capable as we were in our former days. 

    I struggle with memory problems and must really think hard about what I have done in the last few hours.  I can no longer remember taking my meds and must write down the time of day each med is taken to avoid overdosing. 

    The desires of this materialistic world no longer hold my attention.  I would gladly trade any and all wealth I possess for a small reduction in pain.  Isn't it funny how our values change as our circumstances and the years go by.

    This brings me to yet another truth,  "It is better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting".  God knows when we attend a funeral our values are aligned with His values--even if just for a brief moment.  God has placed eternity in our hearts.  What a heavy burden that is go carry around with us all the days of our life.  Death is the great leveler of the playing field.  Both the rich and poor must succumb to it. 

    I am so thankful for the One who has overcome death for us all.   

    God bless you all


  • Joanne, I have just come out of a dark time when pain has clouded all the blessings in my life. I just got tired of people staring when I have to wear a soft cervical collar when I grocery shop. My husband always comes for the bending and lifting which will trigger back pain for me and the collar keeps my aching neck stable. I get alot of stares . Sometimes I just want to be alone and usually after some tears, I pray. It’s a lesson in humility and eventually it passes. I am thankful just to get out a few times a week. Some days I am paralyzed with anxiety and depression. I have meds for both but hate the fact that I need them. Sometimes deep breathing and relaxation techniques just don’t work. You are not alone in the emotional part of chronic pain.Dale’s posts are always uplifting and I appreciate that. I pray we can all get through the darker days of pain and use this website as a place to start.

  • Dale, I also have to write down every time I take meds to keep track so I don’t miss a hypertension dose or take an extra pain pill. My hope is in God and the world to come.God Bless, Nancyann 

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  • Dale, I know and appreciate all the "references" and know where they come from :-). And nancyann, my hope is also in what is to come. A relationship with God is the only thing that gets me through the day. I went for my annual wellness check yesterday and I'm quite healthy except for my spine. I'm struggling with whether to go to a stronger narcotic, a fentanyl patch, or just continuing to manage the best I can. It's a slippery slope and kind of scary. It would help me function better but then of course there are the side effects and additional cost.I would appreciate prayers for clarity on this decision. Blessings!


  • Miss Joanne,

    It is my humble opinion that doing anything you can to alleviate pain is the best course of action.  I know the fentanyl patch is strong and I have tried it myself.  I am on some pretty heavy duty meds myself.  I have come to the conclusion that its best to get as much pain relief as possible in order to live your life as normally as possible.  Mindfulness will only get you so far.  That and meditation have their place in the blend of things.

    I am convinced that taking my pain meds and getting off the sofa and doing things is the right choice for me.  I don't care if I am dependent or not.  I have many more years behind me than in front of me.  I want the few remaining years of my life to be as pain free as possible.  I also have cancer so I have that to deal with as well.  When I am in pain I cannot think straight. 

    Miss Nancyann

    I also have meds for depression and anxiety.  Who wouldn't feel anxious and depressed with all we have to deal with on a daily basis?  I am not ashamed of having to take meds to deal with everything in my life right now.  I just want to feel as good as possible for as long as possible.  Besides that--who am I to judge others?  There is only ONE who can judge this world.  I have made my peace with God and am not afraid to enter into His Kingdom when my time comes.  I look forward to it!!!  

    God bless you all.  My prayers are with each and everyone here.  Remember the season and the one born to bring peace to this world.

    Merry Christmas.


  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137


    I also struggle with going anywhere. I just don't get out. My anxiety rises the minute I start getting ready, I know what the pain will be when I get home. I don't want to pay for it. And the stares, like you, it infuriates me. Because of the scoliosis, I am bent to the right and down, I can't stand up straight. This is a small town so we always run into someone we know and the first response is "OMG what has happened to you". 

    I know how you feel about taking something stronger. Our pain has to be managed. And I agree with what Dale said about alleviating pain. I also look at it as at our age, I don't want to be in this kind of pain the rest of my short life. We are adding another med to the morphine in my pump next month. I have not wanted to do this but it's time. I'm tired of fighting pain all day.

    Your words are always so comforting and truthful, thank you. 
    God Bless, you are all in my prayers

  • Thank you Dale and Sandra, I have come to the same conclusion. I will try the patch and see if I can tolerate it. Right now I'm on Percocet and it's not cutting it and  I'm so weary. I've kind of been in denial, thinking, surely I'm not that bad yet. They use that drug for hospice patients. Then I talked to my nurse friend and she said, you'd be surprised at how many people are walking around with that patch on. 

    I have tried morphine ER and couldn't get past the side effects so we'll see how it goes. My friend said it may make me really sleepy at first until I get use to it. One of the biggest challenges for me with narcotics is constipation so we'll see. The Percocet is killing my stomach and slowing digestion and peristalsis. 

    Nerve pain is so strange, it changes in intensity and location in one day. Some days I can't walk and others I can't sit, lol, and this can happen in the same day! Or both areas at once and laying down is getting more and more painful. Anyway, thanks for your input, I really do appreciate it and will keep you posted. 

    Merry Christmas! 

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137


    I wore a Fentaynl patch for a long time. I put my patch right over my waist line in the back and would switch from side to side when I changed it. My doctor gave me a tip, wear a waterproof patch over it. I bought an off-brand name large square, basically, band aid, to keep water from seeping into the patch. When I started doing that, they seemed like they worked better.

    Have a Merry Christmas!!

  • Thanks Sandy, I'll do that. Probably won't start until after Christmas so I won't fall asleep during the celebration, lol. 

    Merry Christmas to you and your family! It will be extra special with that new grandbaby! 

  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137

    Great grand baby!! He came a couple of weeks ago for a few days, that was our Christmas present from them.

    Merry Christmas to everyone!!

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