It takes Courage

To be emotionally, intellectually and spiritualy honest.

First..when you lie to yourself, it can set off a trickle or an avalanche of emotions that contradict each other 

If your fighting spirit is lacking,you may choose to make uo excuses for that behavior..a..crutch of sorts to balance out an imbalanced outlook

Same with your emotions...lying to yourself is intellectially dishonest..but the next little rock starts tumbling making it easier for the next movement 

You may start to believe the lies your telling  yourself..emotions are powerful..chemical and needs a prime mover

The intellect moves some

The emotions others

But the fighting spirit needs prompts

You can build it, or knock it down by your actions.

Choice is yours...choose to fight? Or give up and the rest will follow in imbalance or straightening up and moving forward 

living while your hurting isnt easy, so why burden yourself with more baggage.

Your right here

Right now..and it is what it is. If your hurt, quit trying to be someone you are no longer able to see in the mirror clearly

If your suffering, yes..then you are, but it doesnt have to be anything other than physical. Yes, its mental  and emotional fatigue..separate the components and see what is

Your tired of pain, tired of being in pain..what is it? Your tired where? Mind? Thats emotional and fighting spirit 

Body? Thats a given

Fighting spirit...learn to fight. If you dont know,ask,

It takes courage to face the real naked you.

But with exposure to the fight and the practice that comes with fighting you find you can get stronger if you Want to try.

Happy New Decade Spiney 



  • Honesty with self. I agree with that, and a lot of courage to keep up the fight. Pain no longer defines me nor does the face in the mirror. You can’ move forward with chronic pain blocking your path. Learning to push past that blockade takes courage. Slipping into a depression is easy. It’s getting out of it that is hard. That’s where the real fight begins. Thanks for your honesty. It is an excellent challenge for the New Year.No more lying to myself ! 

  • I thought I'd comment on this thread instead of starting a new one. It's on the chronic pain buddies list so here I am to say that today is one of those days when the pain seems to be winning. I hurt so badly that I've had several melt downs so far and the day is young. Yes, it's emotional too, the meltdowns involve crying and anger if I'm honest. I would go outside and just scream to the top of my lungs but it's freezing cold and the neighbors would come running. I've tried everything else I know, ice, heat, TENS, mindfulness, distraction, praying, telling myself positive things like tomorrow will be better, you've been here before you can do this. Blah, blah, blah. I can't seem to separate the components today, William. It all runs together in a big pile of pain. Ok well, 'nuff said, maybe this venting will help. Thanks for being there. 

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  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137


    I have had so many of those days. The pain would be so bad it would make my anger go out of the roof. I was snappy, loud and not nice to my husband. Of all people, right?? Fight or flight. You can take flight and hope it goes away or you can fight it. I have since apologized a lot and have not done it again. When I get to that point now, I go lay down, alone. And, I come to the forum. The pain is still there but I mentally calm myself down. 

    I'm so sorry you are having one of those days. But this too shall pass!!

  • Joanne, I am there with you today. It is day 3 of worsening pain. I had a migraine all weekend, missed Church. Cried alot yesterday. Today I had to get groceries and needed a cervical collar. It’s 2 pm and I am in bed. I saw your post and knew I was not alone. Thank you for sharing and I will keep you in my prayers today.. Keep us updated 

  • Joanne

    Some days are just.."special" and nothing works and..keeping it in is bad.

    Vent away because its better to talk to someone who knows where your coming from. 

    No matter where your at in the pain journey, its still pain, it still hurts inside and out and we are humans that need to know we are listened to,valued and understood.

    Your-We..are not ment to stand alone..pain is a very personal thing and sometimes..somewhere we internalize the experience

    Some because they don't have someone to talk to

    Some because they are not listend to anymore

    Some  don't want  to be a burden..virtually-because they feel that way when they are not....some because they are made to feel that way...

    We are not burdens because we can help it, we dont fit anymore because we are not useful to others..which is another subject

    We still exist in this netherworld under neither shadow or light..we are twighlighted by we hold it  in

    Yet our voices still make sounds others dont understand

    Shunned and stunned by the incompleteness of our lives..the completeness of exclusion from life...and the exclusion from others lives.

    We are not shadow people

    We are not incomplete nor defective and we still live in shells made fragile with precious contents inside..we are beyond their comprehension 

    So we day by day face our selves,everyone of our demons,neurosis and 5 stages by ourselves

    I got tired of trying to explain who and what i i stopped 

    But...i have you guys to talk to and know my language is spoken here and understood.

    Hang tough and be courageous in the face of pain because it makes you stronger. We are stronger together because we share each others mental pain and anguish  and know we are understood.

    There is no stronger person who must face a trial..knowing  what and how bad it is..yet still follow through. Your that kind of person...or WILL be..and when you cant you can let us help with your  burdens

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  • memerainboltmemerainbolt IndianaPosts: 4,137


    After the above reply, all I can say is "thank you". You are always here for those that struggle, including myself.

  • William, thank you for posting such an honest and insightful message. Sometimes I think I live in another world. I have not had a painfree day since I was about 30. I am 58. My lifestyle constantly has to adapt. I honestly think I would not suffer from anxiety attacks or depression if I had a few pain free days a month. It is a part of me that I drag along everyday of my life. It separates me from most of the people I know. The world of chronic pain.

  • I get the anxiety every now and then, begin to doubt myself and feel the vertigo of the spiral into a darker i busy myself with nonsense and whatnot..anything to avoid that place and tire myself out until it doesnt matter what i as thinking.

    Ive had 20 years december of dragging myself around my mind free most times to understand the horror of the life i have to lead. The slow downward spiral like a treeless leaf, compounding medical and spiritual issues(fighting spirit) and in opposition to my type A personality which still pulls at the reins against the reality of chronic pain

    Walking the high wire balancing what i want, what can be and what is.  I dont factor what "could" have been into the equation because that is an intangible and impossible  factor

    What can be is what I am working toward now

    What i want is a driving factor....

    It will drive a person mad to think of what could have  been.

    I can count the "pain free" days on one hand with 4 fingers to spare in the last 20 years.

    We seem to live in parallel people on each side of a glass wall..we can see and understand.but forever Spineys. I dont wish for pain free days anymore, that train isnt coming,the station is closed and i have to walk....

    But i see the world in a different light, a different way and in a different timeline.

    We adapt? Or "stop" i think as a way to keep living

    We can stop and live in a life and timeline filled with ever increasing errors to the origin program that compounds increasing misery and suffering 

    Or we adapt...painfully... again and again and learn hard lessons and move on learning to see beauty and truth in the hardness.

    Its a selfishness i have to adapt and live a life that excludes..and is excluded... from mainstream life

    And we live our quiet desparate lives to try and find a balance for the inner peace..a division from a normal life to what we must do to live with ourselves,exclusionary of the outward life to take care of our precious selves.

    Nancyanne you can do life just fine, girding the courage to the sticking place is hard for most spineys.

    There is no shame in trying to live life the best way you the final cut,it is all about having filled our lives with as much life as possible..

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