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Help me

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,002
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Depression and Coping
I had a C3-C6 Lamenectomy done three weeks ago and now home for two weeks. My wife and daughter ignore me. They think I'm somehow faking this all! That my pain is not real and I'm just trying to get out of chores and work. My left arm is still has shoulder paralysis. My right hand and arm are numb but still fuctional. The pain is nonstop. I'm very angry and frustrated that they will not help me. We get in terrible screaming matches as my wife hides the remote or lavishes attention on our daughter and our dogs. She tells me I'm verbally abusive. I guess I am. I'm also moody and emotionally all over the board. I had a friend come in to do my laundry and get some of the dishes out of the sink as my wife left for the weekend and took my daughter with her. Yes we are in counceling and yes I'm depressed. How can I stop raging one moment and crying the next?



  • I would say the best thing to do is to see your doc. If you are all over the board like that, then possibly you need something to stabilize your moods.

    I'm sorry that you and your family are suffering so.

    Hang in there,

  • :) hi and welcome to the forum! :H we are here to offer you support and answer what questions we can. it is a shame your family is not showing the support they should. you could really use their love and care. i hope you are able to find some comfort from the people you meet here. we do care about you and will help any way we can. :D try staying to yourself and don't engage with your family. you have nothing to gain by interacting with them. set up your own "safe" area around yourself. listen to music, watch, tv, rest but stay quiet and focus on your recovery. this stress is not helpful in repairing your body. take a moment and think this over. if you must, recover privately. find a friend to support you, lean on the forum. when you are well, you can pat yourself on the shoulder for a job well done!! Jenny :)
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  • Jenny,

    I'm not so sure that closing oneself into a "protective shell" so soon after surgery is such a good thing for some people. Take that and add pain and fear and now you have the makings of a real dangerous place to be in one's heart, soul and mind.

    Just my opinion.

  • I had almost no support from family with first surgery. They didn't understand, and I couldn't or wouldn't, talk to them reasonably. Especially hubby, who was of course, the one in the house with me, dealing with me day in day out. The only time I would talk to him about my pain and depression was when I was freaked out already. It never went well, only caused a further feeling of separation for both of us. I believe that was my mistake. I'm certainly not saying that this is the case with your family situation, though.

    My second surgery has worked out much better for me and hubby because I don't wait till I'm freaked out to tell him what is going on, how I am feeling, etc. In defense of your family, if they haven't been through the total hell of constant pain,(and hopefully they never will) they can't understand. I understand, as most of us on this board do, because we live it every day. My suggestion is vent to us, and try to talk to your family when you are having a relatively good minute, hour or day.

    I wish you all the best. PM me anytime if you feel the need to.

    Good luck with your recovery.
  • I too have family members like that. Its hard, but I dont interact with them when Im upset...
    My husband is an alcoholic. He works alot right now due to me being off work. His typical thing is to come home, grab a beer and head for the video games. (He's 31) He actually did not believe anything was wrong with me UNTIL he went with me for my spinal surgeon appt. He only went with me after I practically had to beg because it was 2 hours away and I cannot drive that far. No one else was available to take me. I think the surgeon picked up on the fact he was non-believing, he spoke in great detail with the hubby. That was priceless. Until that moment all I heard from him was "U dont want to work,,,I pay the bills.. If you dont like how your treated get out... And if those were not enough, he went into great detail how he preformed oral on some girl from work. Well, he didnt, but said all those things just to hurt me. He knows my previous husband/boyfriends have cheated on me. He said if I were to leave he wouldnt be all that upset. Trust me, if I could be independent now, I wouldnt be here. There is no where for me to go. I need my op to even stand a chance of getting back to work, and even then it might not be for awhile. I have to hope that I will. I sit here day after day, pretty dismal. His parents think the same way. His mom thinks Im just a bum who is making up all the problems. I wish she could have been there with the spinal surgeon. LOng story, Im sorry. Got started with it all and couldnt stop. Its just I have no one to talk to. I read, surf the internet, movies. Awake most of the time.
    Hopefully things will get better for both of us. :) Take care of you!
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  • I'm really sorry to hear that.

    At least you were honest in saying that you were all over the place with your emotions...and you did get some good advice from some of the others.I don't think I'm very good on offering up advice,but I do agree with what was said about telling your doc.I understand that might be hard...personally I think it takes a real man to open up like you have.Telling your Dr would probably be the best thing that you could do.Don't wait for an appt

    Recovery can be hard and it's really important to keep yourself occupied,and you probably can't do much,if anything at all physically.I was told that it was important to keep my mind busy.I played cards with my boys & friend,watched TV (of course),did crosswords,etc.anything to keep me from going nuts sitting in that chair week after week.I had a different type of surgery-many times,but I understand pain and frustration.

    You really can't expect anyone to fully understand what you are going through,but they have to know that you are in pain.This is not your natural self after they know.

    I hope each day is better than the last.. :)
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