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i will be sooo happy when i die



  • I once tried to break the 5th floor window in the Hospital, and did not realize that it was triple bullet proof. I woke up on the floor still clutching the chair in the morning. A year later I thank God I did not make it out that window.

    However the idea is always some where lurking in my head. Just being able to admit it to yourself helps. When things get that bad (and they do!) You just have to have tricks to do till it passes. I usually dial a hot line, or any body who will talk to me, but never about wanting to end it all. Just having a conversation takes your mind off of the pain. Lately I have pain plans like ice packs, certain meds, my "pro-tens"unit. Biggest help is the "PAINGONE" Pen size tens unit (need no batteries). It is right next to my bed next to the light. If I cant wait I start giving myself paingone treatment and I usually go right back to sleep. But with out PLANS I would be lost.
    Plan ahead and ask for ideas.
    Take care of yourself, Eric
  • thats what keeps alot of us going,im lucky in the respect that i have a good family and my pain is finally abit better, but family,no matter how good they are don t always realise how depressing the constant pain can be,thats why SH is so good,everyone here does realise this and they give you the support that we all need from time to time .

    So what is your next big plan eric,mine is to return to Rome it might be quite a while off ,but just looking at pics of the places that i want to go gives me joy and hope,Rome is my favorite place went there 2 years ago in january and it was just lovely, not as many tourists then
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  • If you know someone that mentions suicide to you,and only to you..nobody else,and you ask them to get help..but they don't..they only just bring it up to you at moments in YOUR life when you are going through bad times of your own(not suicidal-just bad times).Do you not think that is selfish and mean,even cruel?

    I do,and it really bothers me.Well it bothered me,now it just irritates me

    I've offered help,and talked about counseling..but also said that I cannot counsel as I am not schooled in that profession,and could cause more harm than good.This person looks through me as if I never spoke and continues talking as if I had not just said a thing.I suppose I sound cold and unfeeling,but I'm not..anyone that knows me could tell you that,but this is flagrant disrespect IMO~not only to me but to themselves.

    Honestly,Im fed up with this person(not the poster),and I feel that if it continues I may have to burn this bridge for my OWN sanity.

    Just a thought... :|
  • Robin,it can be so hard to be know who is really feeling suicidal and who wants sympathy.In my expierence its the ones who quietly say little or nothing who are the ones that need help and its the professionals who can read between the lines and hopefully give the help that is needed.Then there are those who cry wolf so many times that its hard to take them seroiusly.My friend was only 30 he was such a kind person and with a smile for everyone but his wife had found someone else and he simply could nt cope, (it had started off his depression that he had when he was younger) he planned everything without saying a word he got his affairs into order so that his family would be taken care off and hung himself in the garage,it was such a tragedy that soneone could nt help him,I saw him a couple of days before and he was his normal happy self,or so i thought,Thats why it upsets me then the poster makes these threats time and times again,i have tried to help her as i know countless othere s have and she will not get help,i also get emails from her(That i now don t open for the sake off my own sanity) so I know that she is alright.
    Eric this is in noway directed at you,i know that you are geniune and you seem to be coping well,and are wise enough to direct your thoughts else where when you have too.i hope that i can help and support those how are willing to ask for help but also accept it
    Take care
  • I meant no disrespect to anyone here at all either... :S

    I'm sorry,I should have specified that earlier.See,I WAS being selfish :))( Ahh well,no I was talking about someone in 'real life'..I saw the thread get active again with people caring about Martha,and your earlier post about emails and it got me thinking.

    I really hope everyone understands what I meant by that.. >:D<

    I should be more careful posting when I'm tired.. @)
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