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Going to be gone again for a while

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,002
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Matters of the Heart
I'm sorry guys, and I know that I'm not the center of the earth and that most probably won't even notice that I'm gone, but I'm fighting for everything right now and my energy is zapped...

I got a job for three days before I was fired because of my neck, they thought I was a liability...It was minimum wage job, but working with animals so I thought I could stand it..Hard to guess after 3 days X( ...I'm so upset, this is the third job that I've lost because of my neck, or technically four...I've applied for Medicare, they turned me down because their doctors determined I'm not disabled so I'm writing to my doctors to see if one of them will tell them I'm disabled until I can get my surgery, which i have no date for yet...

I asked my siter for the money from me watching her dog and she yelled at me...I needed it for meds ($94), somehow she found out and screamed at me about her TMJ! Guess what b*&^h, I have TMJ too, but this is serious! I was trying to not let anyone in the family find out about the prescription so that I could keep them out of my business in that realm...I have no health insurance, have been getting Ultram ER through samples from the physician, ans while I know it's not "legal", we might get him to prescribe it to my mom for me as it will cost me $50 instead of $380+....

I took some Percocet for breakthrough pain and tghe doc wrote a script for me for it since it helped...I don't know, I don't think my doc is as strict as everyone else's...I was afraid I was going to get in trouble, but I didn't and I've done things I shouldn't have and he's never gotten mad or threatened me with anything...He hates seeing people in pain and maybe that's the difference...If I hurt, he hurts (almost literally, he almost started crying when I was crying from my trigger point injection)...

Anyways, I took the minimum wage job because my parents were going to kick me out of the house if I didn't find a job within two weeks...They hadn't really believed me about the neck stuff until this job, I don't think...I"m looking into moving to Birmingham, I have a great employment agency looking for a job for me...

I'm at the end of my rope, I'm so depressed I can hardly stand it anymore...No one is looking at the great brain I have, all they see is a liability or a neck injury, like I'm no longer a human being...I'm struggling to hold on everyday I get bitched at constantly by my mother or some one else, I'm crying all the time and I haven't had the energy to try and get on here and be there for other people, WHICH I HATE because it makes me more selfish...

I don't know, I feel like I'm fighting for my life here and not only my life, but my personality which has been slowly disappearing as well...I'm not staying away because I want to, I love all of you, it's going to sound dumb but right now I'm striving for merely self-preservation...I'm still stuck in trial limbo, haven't seen a cent of my money and have a meeting with my lawyer next week...

I hope all for you are doing well, and if not, know that I hope things get better for you or at least mamanageable...I'll try to get on when I can, I just think it will be few and far between...It's not because of anyone, it's just because I'm trying to make it right now and failing.


  • When a member makes a post like this, it tends to generate many more posts of support. What really sucks is when the initiator of the thread just disappears and everyone is trying then to find them to make sure that they are still okay.

    So please do us a big favor and at least check back in every few days so that someone knows you are okay. Otherwise a lot of SH members will stress over the fact that no one has heard from you.

    It only seems fair, don't you think.

  • Yes, my parents are about to kick me out of their house because I can't keep a job because of my disabilities...They said I had 2 weeks to find a job, I lost it in 3 days because of my disability and so the two weeks started again which I didn't know until today when my mom told me I had a week before I'd be kicked out of the house.

    I am at the end of my rope, seriously...And no one seems to care...They're all worried about my sister because her JERKWAD ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND broke up with her and are treating her with kid's gloves while she basically bit my head off earlier...And I've provided her with nothing but support! My mom doesn't seem to care, I'm shouldering both of their marital and boyfriend problems at the moment and I have no one to turn to...I'm so alone, so very, very alone.

    I've applied to become a substitute teacher and again for unemployment...I am also going to try and get my PM to write a letter stating that I'm disabled so that I can get my meds...I had to make a deal with the pharmacy that I would pay them for a $92 prescription I needed by October 15th....My sister was supposed to pay for watching her dog for a week, but she yelled at me for that, so I was going to do e-mails for her (it's part of her work) but BIG SURPRISE, that fell through....So I'm on my own, as usual.

    I want to move as far away from these people as I can, I feel like it doesn't even matter if I don't exist, except they'd miss their person to talk to or yell at about how they need help. THEY NEED HELP? I NEED TONS AND GET ABOUT ZERO...Everything feels so hopeless, pointless, and I can't remember the last time I felt so unloved by anyone.

    I hope you're all having great pain days and you are all in my prayers.
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  • Believe it or not, I have been thinking about you lately. I even tried looking through some old posts, to see if you had been on. I am sorry things are still going so terribly for you. I have followed your posts about your parents, and I know what you are going through.

    I had hoped that by now, you had gotten away from them like you had hoped. "C" is right. Please check back in soon, and let us know that you are ok. We all do worry when we listen to someone so distressed, and don't hear back from them.

    I know that you are in "self preservation" mode. And right now, that is the best place to be for you. Just keep on pushing... you will find a balance in your life.

    Good Luck, Hope to hear from you soon
  • Please believe that we care about you. Please try and post at least once a week. Have you applied for low income housing? I mentioned this to you a few months back. Have you tried for help with your meds? I know that you will qualify. There really are places out there that will help you out. If you are feeling lonely and low then please come here and talk to us. We will listen and really do understand and care.
  • Long story, why I've been gone sooooo long, but basically I did not have good mental health and needed to get it fixed....I had no access to computers where I was at, had considered running away and a magnitude of things. I had a friend call me "a loser addict" needless to say, she's no longer my friend a long with a few other people who thought I was having a pity party when I was seriously depressed. I'm emotionally fragile and vulnerable at the moment...I should be able to get my SSI and Medicare now...But I'll check in every once in a while when I can.

    Love you all for the good thoughts! :X
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  • If you need to talk then PM me and I'll send my number, okay? You know that you're special in my heart and that I'd drop what I'm doing to help you if you needed it. You have friends here that would never treat you like that and you need to stick with us Miss NancyFancyPants!

    We love you...don't forget that,

  • Your posts mean the world to me right now...I'm so stuck in the depression, more pain cycle right now and I keep getting deeper and deeper and deeper that I've kind of hit rock bottom. I went out for a few hours and feel like I've ran a marathon. My neck locks up for no good reason and I'm tired of what feels like my bones grinding together when I sleep. And most of all, I'm tired of feeling powerless against it, like I can't win and my meds stop working, I'm functioning between a 7 and a 57 everyday. And I feel like I can't function!! And there is one section of my neck that always hurts. I'm just plain tired and beyond down in the dumps.

    I'm kind of on lockdown over here, I get on when my mom is gone, which she currently is. I was suicidal for a while, which is the reason for the lockdown. Please don't get mad, I won't hurt myself. I'm seeing a therapist 2-3 times a week.

    Mama Griff- I'll PM when I can.

    Love you guys, seriously, and I'm sorry I can't be here, I'm fighting so hard...And your responses mean the world to me, make me feel less alone, which right now, I feel super alone.
  • Fancypants,,

    I feel your pain hunnie, and I wish there was some way of making you feel better.

    You are doing all you can to get better, then you can fight this horrid pain you find yourself faced with.

    Try to relax hun, those headaches are just going to make you feel a whole lot worse than you already do. Try keep a diary/journal, but also include favourite songs, places, animals etc. Try draw stuff relevant to these lists, art can be such a tension reliever.

    I have had dark thoughts, even attempted suicide. I got found, and have continued on this journey called life for about 14 years now. In some ways I don't think my life has progressed much but in other ways I have experieced some wonderful things, and met some fantastic people, including some on here.

    PM if you feel up to it, we can chat, I will try and listen to you. I just hope we can help in some way.

    Some of the posts you have put show how caring and friendly you are, so now in your time of need we are here for you.

    Please keep in touch, please take each day as it comes and know that we are thinking of you.

    Love and hugs
    Danni xxxx >:D< >:D< xxxx
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