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I don't think I can do this anymore

aimlessaaimless Posts: 372
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Chronic Pain
May be a common theme this week... I know the pain gets to all of us, mentally, and we work through it and move on (or try to). Lately its been harder and harder. I feel like I spend an extraordinary amount of time thinking about managing pain: medications, adjusting dosages, moving meetings at work so I can get in to phys therapy. Planning my life - commuting at a time when I can get a seat on the train (because standing for 20 minutes is truly painful). Always having a tagline for why I can't drink at various festivities, etc etc.

I've doubled my nerve pain med to the maximum daily dose and I'm still having pain (it was an effective medication just a couple of months ago). I have a second nerve pain med and I'm going to talk to my surgeon about increasing that one as well. The phys therapy gives me very temporary relief, and I am still not able to get any aerobic exercise due to the stenosis. I'm struggling. I know others have it way worse than me, but I live inside this body and more and more I'm hating it.

The idea of surgery scares me because it is no guarantee, I could end up worse off. Yet living like this is making me feel like I just go through the motions. I'm not really "living."

Does this make sense? Anyone else ever feel this way? How do you overcome it?
Jan 2009 L5-S1 ALIF
May 2017 ALIF L4-L5 with PLF rods added L4-L5-S1


  • i feel like that everyday,i am not a surgical canidate was injured in 1993,and have never had back surgury,i am worse than i was in 1993? yes,i hope you have a better day...
  • :) aimless, i am so sorry you are feeling so down and depressed. yes, it does sound like you are depressed. have you thought about any medications for depression? i hate to know you are feeling so badly and know that words don't do much to end the sadness. it is so difficult to see our bodies running our lives. the time it takes to take care of ourselves can increase so when pain flare ups. perhaps the increase in your nerve meds will help. i hope you find some comfort in those of us in pain as you are. you are not alone! Jenny :)
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  • I agree with your assessment ... is it really living *now*? Yes there's a risk with having surgery, but it looks like you have tried everything you could over the last two years.

    Have those last two years been the kind of life you want to live?

  • Hope you feel better soon. I agree with "C" you may want to review your choice of treatment in light of the changes in your condition.

    Sending (((((hugs)))))
  • What is happening right now - it is as though the challenge just suddenly got more difficult in the past couple of weeks. I am trying to keep a good attitude, that is so much of what gets us through!! But I think I hit a turning point, and I am going to think through surgery and timing and just focus on my own path and how this could work.

    Bigcat - I've seen your posts and my heart goes out to you. I hope YOU can get some relief as well.
    Jenny - sad part is, I DO take meds for depression! But you're right, I may be able to get enough of this under control with nerve meds again, will keep you posted.
    C - I agree with about 98% of what you post here on Spine Health. 'nuff said.
    Tig - agreed, and I love a long distance hug, thank you thank you :)))
    Jan 2009 L5-S1 ALIF
    May 2017 ALIF L4-L5 with PLF rods added L4-L5-S1
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  • I'm with "C" on her same exact words. Not much more to add to that.
    I'v seen people wait to long and suffer in the end of the run.
    Or I have seen people jump on the band wagon get things going and everything was ok.
    There is NEVER EVER a answer if surgery will cure it all.

    Hey the percentages they give you these days are pretty good.
    I took my 60%chance of feeling better. I did not want perm nerve damage. BUT I was also lucky enough to have excellent insurance and well that does not go for everyone..

    Think this through. Once pain that can "possibly" be fixed is interfering with your life style, its time to go forward with the "possible"

    Hang in there. We all feel what your going through. We are either going through it, or already have ~~~

    Terri ;) >:D< >:D<
  • I'm so sorry for your pain. I can relate to you in many ways and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm sending you a ladybug Hug through the air.And a smile too,I do know it is hard and harder at times to get through this mess we are in and for me sometimes just even a smile can take my pain away if only 4 a minute, Patsy
  • Thanks Terri - you nailed it re: quality of life, that is the corner I have turned. I have started the conversations with my family and my SO, and so far they are all supportive. BTW - I've been following your surgery threads as well, and wish you all the best in your recovery (and no more over-doing it!!) >:D<
    Jan 2009 L5-S1 ALIF
    May 2017 ALIF L4-L5 with PLF rods added L4-L5-S1
  • Long distance hugs >:D< and smiles back atcha! :)))
    (and reading your post made me smile, I needed that)
    Jan 2009 L5-S1 ALIF
    May 2017 ALIF L4-L5 with PLF rods added L4-L5-S1
  • I am definitely with you on the surgery dilemma. I am able to control my pain enough with meds to have some quality of life at this point and definitely would not even consider surgery because the risk of making things worse are too great. (I have already had 1 failed surgery that did make it worse). But on the other hand if I get to the point that I have no quality of life and the pain can not be managed with meds, I would have to rethink the surgery issue and at that point the risk may be worth taking. Good luck with what ever you decide I know that it is a tough choice to make.
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