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Life is funny

cyndi4everccyndi4ever Posts: 152
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:25 AM in Neck Pain: Cervical
I sit here and wonder where and what I am going to do with the rest of my life.. My doctor has told me at this point until further notice that I was completely disabled and that I would never be able to go back to the work I was doing before surgery.. I am a chef/baker for a nursing home I cook 4 days a week, 2 meals, sometimes 3 and do all the above and beyond baking to keep my residents happy and not underweight. I also serve these meals and do the pots and pans that I might use in cooking these items. I totally understand what he is saying and I accept it as my neck is totally fused except for c1 and c2.. I am still on medical leave FMLA stopped but they let me go on personal leave till January 12. I have been praying for my Long term disability to come through as you all know and it still has not, the insurance company says that I have to pay for my records to be sent to them. I thought that was weird. A wonderful man at my doctors office arranged to have them sent to them with out me paying for it, (He was one of Gods angels and I owe that one all to God) so now they have them but of course on the reports it says I have complained of neck and shoulder pain and have been given narcotics to help with pain.. I dont know what the outcome will be,but I have given it to the Lord and am praying for another miracle. At this point he is the only one that can do anything.. Where I am going with this whole post is, I am so thankful for what I do have, and I look around and see people that are worse off than I am and feel so bad, I would love to help them. One good thing that has come out of this is Maybe I will be able to find a job that I enjoy and dont leave in so much pain I cry all the way home. I am putting my life in Gods hands and trust that he will do the rest. They say when one door closes another one opens.
I am so thankful for this sight and all the wonderful people that actually care what I am going through. You really find out who your real friends are when you are going through something like this..
Have a wonderful weekend, I am going to NH to welcome my new grandson into the world on Monday... Now thats something to be proud of.... Cyndi


  • That was very insightful and uplifting. Congratulations on your new grandson. May his life be filled with happiness, health, and success. I am very happy for you and your family on this blessed bundle of joy. <:P Have fun and I hope your trip to NH is fun and pain free.
  • I think the second hardest thing to accept other than the pain is our limitations. I know I spent 2 years in denial, waiting to get better. But when I was finally told of the permanent nerve damage, while devastating, it helped me to "turn that page" as I call it. Now I'm just hoping that with the SCS I will get some of my life back, but there is nothing they can officially do for me.

    If it weren't for my online friends, I wouldn't be in a good place mentally, that is for sure.

    Enjoy your new grandson!!

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  • Congratulations on being able to take that step. I am deeply religious and have struggled with why I am going through this in my life - I know he has a purpose (Romans); I want to accept his wishes and plans for me, but I just am not sure what those are.
  • I so proud of you for taking a pragmatic look at your situation. Your doctor may be correct, you may never be able to do the physical things that you were doing at work again. Look at it as an opportunity. "Wow, now that I don't have to wash another pot I can turn my attention to what I do want!!" I think that now is the perfect opportunity for your to realize your dreams. I think that is what the good book meant when it was written to "turn the other cheek". My interpretation of that is to turn away from the condition or seeming problem, and turn towards the good. Not to completely ignore or deny your challenges, but to look for the good opportunities that have arisen because of them. I personally think that you are doing a wonderful job of taking care of yourself right now! And, what higher position could you hold than the keeper of your own life? I think that is a great platform to leap from into the sea of possibilities.

    You are not your pain, *you* are not your "bad neck". You are so much more than can ever be contained.

    I sincerely do hope that you will enjoy your time loving that baby this week. Nothing bettter than new life. :)

    One Love,

  • He has a better plan for you. Right now might seem hard but on the other side of this there is something much more grand. You just have to remember that and leave it in his hands. Stop taking it back from him and worrying and wondering. Just put it in a box and leave it there for him to settle for you.
    All My Love,
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  • I don't see why being on narcotics for something else affects your long term disability. I had DDD before my herniated disc and I had back pain but it was mild before but as of February I haven't been able to walk more than 20 minutes, stand more than 10-20 minutes and ache in pain always. The LTD called me and I tell them Lyrica and the morphine and muscle relaxers make me so spaced out so I can't do even a sitting job. LTD should start 6 months from being off work. If not then you should get a lawyer. I had to pay for the notes but after that they contacted my Dr. who said she had to take my chart home to do all the questions LTD were asking. To go back to work any days would show you're able to go to work. After my short term ran out at 15 weeks, I had to get Government Employment benefits for 15 weeks. After that I started LTD 6 months off work and they were late sending it. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
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