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Where am I and how did I get here, things were so good before.



  • My new mother deer didn't want to be around the male deer, there's three guys that are real bone heads, no manners like all my good deer that have been with me for years. I've got all my boys to let the girls eat first but these three new guys that started hanging around aren't very bright. My herd is a lot better, they are a happy bunch but now I'm going to have to work with them to get the point across. So my Momma Girl was standing up on the road above the house, it's not to far except today. Must tell you that Momma Girl had her babies in the last couple days and she's keeping them hidden until they get bigger. I can see that Momma deer is nursing the babies. I walked right past babies laying in the tall grass before, didn't even see them and they didn't move a muscle. So, I took a can of grain up to Momma Girl up on the road where she was waiting for me. All the deer know their names and will respond to me when I call or ask them to do something. I've also worked out hand signals so I don't have to make any noise getting an idea across to them. Also have been doing whistles, that started because I'd walk around the corner of the house and scare the deer where they would take off running. So now they know my whistles.

    So back to me bring food up to Momma Girl up on the road behind the house. Walking up the hill was fine, no pain, had to lean over to get under a couple branches from the olive tree. There's a path going up past the trees to the road made by the deer that cut to the contour of the hill, so it's not a steep grade. I poured the grain out on a mat that laying on the road and called for Momma deer. She was behind a line of trees, I could see her legs. Deer are funny when they hide behind a bush and their legs are stick out. I started down the hill and had my hand in back dragging on the ground and the can in the other hand. My leg & hip started cramping up and the pain traveled down to me knee. I dropped down lower to a crap like stance trying to stay stable on the hill because the place is covered with pine needle and they are very slippery. Every step was so painful I'd cry out in pain which scared the deer and the stampeded up the hill going south away from me. Stumpy was the only one that stayed and watch me coming down. This wasn't some big trek but just a few steps up the hill and back down. I passed the olive tree and came up between the ponderosa pine and apple tree where it very open and no needle. The irrigation valve is there so I keep it clear down to the dirt. Just another ten feet to go and I'm at the picnic table. I'm still in a crab like stance trying to extend my right leg so it wouldn't be as painful. I'm thinking to myself that I should go to the hospital tonight. I past the apple tree and leaned on it standing on my left leg. I felt winded but I wasn't out of breath. The pain seem to be flowing from my hip to my knee, taking weight of and it went in reverse, the pain flowed back to me hip like a warm rush. I had to rest a bit at the picnic table and catch my breath. just another twenty feet to the porch. Poor Stumpy was looking at me wondering what was going on. As fast as the pain came on it almost went away. The pain level dropped off to a point where it's bearable to walk. When I got inside I took a morphine pill, ibuprofen, and a muscle relaxer with a real big name because it's a generic. Got the ice pack out and started laying on them, that was two hours ago. I feel pain in my hip sitting here and I've been stretching by raising my body up by grabbing the arm rests and lifting myself up. That usually relieves pain but not doing much tonight. The pain started earlier, I'm not sure what I did beside sweeping the porch. I'm sure I did some sort of twist and turn to cause this. I'm really thinking about a trip to the hospital tonight. Last year, the first pinched nerve but not like this one, it was in a different place. I took prednisone from my GP and when I ran out the pain started coming back. That's when I saw the bone doctor and he gave me methyl prednisolone. He said it was easier on my stomach. I didn't notice it being harsh on my stomach but if it's better and easier on my stomach fine, I'll do it.

    So, what to do, stay here and keep icing my back and taking meds or go to the hospital and see about getting prednisone. I think there they would give me a shot, I'm sure that would be easy on the stomach and work faster. Buy I'm a guy and I want to stay here to see if it will clear up on it's own.

    Last night was one of the best nights I've had in sleeping, I didn't wake up once. I woke up and it was about 9 AM. Most of the time after sleeping a couple hours at a time I'll finally get up about 4 or 5 AM. I'll come out to the couch and watch the sun rise and listen to the radio. Let see, it was a bit after 11 PM because Dave was on. So I got to bed early and didn't wake up at 2 AM or have to get up and go to the bathroom. I woke up this morning feeling just fine. When I did get up I walked to the kitchen and stood there making a cup of coffee, no problem, didn't have to sit down or anything. What's tonight going to be like? Bathroom runs, just wake up to flip over or sit up and do nothing, just sit there for no reason. Sitting here is getting to be a bit hard so going to lay down and wait for the chime of mail to come in.

    Bob in the forest

    Anyone, go to the hospital tonight?
  • If your pain comes back on, you may want to go to the hospital. The thing that always worried me, but my doc said I wasn't in my danger of, was that my spine wasn't terribly stable, and when the pain would get so bad, sometimes my leg would buckle and I'd nearly fall. A fall was what caused all my trouble to begin with, so I was deathly afraid of that. I hope you can get to a specialist not too far from you and get some help. I remember my doctors refusing to talk with me about my back. It was like a wall had come down. Nope, can't help you. Sorry, nothing we can do. It was like grasping at straws, having the hoped-for relief pulled out of my grasp. Thank goodness I found a good surgeon at a teaching hospital and got myself fixed up. You're on some major drugs and if they are not helping you sufficiently, I'd be worried there's more going on there than meets the last MRI. Surgeons at teaching hospitals are generally more interested in taking a chance on helping someone instead of just playing it safe all the time.

    Thanks for taking care of the wildlife, but remember, they can't call 911 if you need them to.

    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
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  • Did you go to the ER? You mentioned you only took one pill in the morning and one at night. Not sure what you're taking and extended release medication or just narcos and morphine? Haha your posts are great except for the pain part. Hope you're feeling better. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Greeting, my critters all say, hi you-all and so do I. Change is coming but you have to get into action.

    I guyed it out last night and put it off hoping that icing my back for hours, which helped a little, sure froze the area where you couldn't feel anything but cold skin. Also thought laying flat in bed with a skimpy pillow, I mean flat, as much as I could anyways. Although it felt good laying there, it was rather useless, just a good night sleep, which isn't over rated at all. Nothing like hours of rem sleep venturing into dream land where your whole and having fun, dancing and running again or to the ends of the universe if you want too. I went to bed a little after Craig Ferguson last night or this morning. As long as I was laying there and not moving the pain wasn't too bad, just that moving to get out of bed where I had to roll out of bed and let my legs together, knees too, hit the floor as I rolled to the side and upward making it a simple motion with the minimal amount of pain. I've learned a lot of little tricks like that over the years. I didn't prognosticate lets be clear, I guyed it, which is almost the same but different because I was intensionally putting it off, just a short delay only and not spacing it because I didn't want to do what every I was postponing.

    So got up early, some where about 6 AM where I took a hand full of my usual every day pill. Came out and made two cups of coffee.I turned on the radio to the Weekend Edition something I like and look forward to each weekend although I'll switch over to KPFA-KPFB same station just across the Bay. There's a host of this one show that has some great interviews plus he's got some good opinions. That station makes me feel like a young rebel, they are from Berkley and it doesget a bit radical but not to extreme. Well I missed it this morning, I got on the road by 9:30 AM or there about. s I was going down the freeway I could make a choice here, go right to the church to the county food bank or turn left and head over to my GP's office, they do take walk in along with appointments till noon. It wasn't my regular doctor but anyone is fine right now, I just need prednisone to reduce the pain by a factor of a million. The Nurse and doctor bother were very talkative which is a change, a doctor or nurse that wants to listen to you and doesn't mind how long you take to explain what your dealing with. Everyone was so nice to day there, smiling and everything. That really amazed me, something for the most part from the office workers that during the week can't spend a couple seconds with you. So this was a great change. After getting the usual stats the doctor came right in. I explained every thing to him as he was going through my thick folder. He gave me a shot of a prednisone type drug and wrote out a prescription for a prednisone type drug. Both of them have names I haven't heard off. I wrote the name of what the shot was on my hand but I forgot and washed me hands when I got home. Not even a little trace of what I wrote. He explained what he wanted to do after giving me the shot, how to take the meds.

    I was able to make it to the church before everyone left. They were cleaning up and the persons running the service recognized me, seeing how I was bent over they were so happy to help me. They even walked out with me and put the bags into the car. Took me a while to get over my ego to reach out to this church and the food bank, I always thought I was better then that or they were below me but I found out I'm in the same boat they all are in. Having to retire early wasn't something I had planned on. I was just getting it together down in L.A.. Being able to go places and everyone knew my name. After my divorce my back was doing rather well with only minor flare-ups but they were never like anything today, nothing a couple ibuprofen couldn't handle.

    So the shot started working by the time I got home and I guess that with the pills have been making it so much better. I still have some aches but it's nothing like it was this morning. Didn't get very much sleep last night compared to the night before. My steps are longer in stride. I don't have that nasty hip pain which has been my concern. That makes you so depressed so fast, pain is a motivator or de-motivator, works bother ways. Keeps you from moving and gets you mind projecting the end of life possibilities.

    I actually took a walk today an enjoyable walk down the turn of the century old road that has trees growing on it now taking pictures of the wild flowers. I couldn't believe it, had my shorts on and took a walk with my fuzzy slipper, not the most stable pair of shoes I could have taken. I was following Momma Girl, she was eating plants close to the ground after having some bird seed. I lost her because I got so into taking pictures of the small unique flowers. It's so amazing where these flowers grow, it takes something special because they only grow in specific areas and each area is unique. Even the plants out in the open areas have requirements fr one open area from another. Don't know if I'll get them posted tonight, most likely tomorrow while listening to Prairie Home Companion and City Arts and Lectures which comes on afterwords. There's a few more shows the rest of the day but I'm hoping I can get outside again in the sun. Maybe take a lap around the north end of the property that's where 5/7th of the property is. There's a forest lilac that grows only in this one spot. Check out the fruit trees and see how they are doing. Not going to be doing any gardening except to pull weeds out from my potted plants. I don't want to stress my back or body, for now, it's still small stable steps.

    And now to TV, SNL is on Baldwin is host and they had a real cute short.

    Take care you all, big smiles (so far)


  • Bob - it's good to hear that you got some help. Nice that the docs finally took some time to listen to you. The steroids will calm the inflammation a bit, but don't let them fool you into thinking you are fine. Do take care that you don't hurt yourself further! Guying it out can be dangerous. The things I have heard happen because of testosterone poisoning! ;^P

    I'll check out your pictures. I love wildflowers.
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
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  • Doing much better now, there still some pain in the hip. My knee hurts more now when I stand, something the amount of pain covered up. My left leg is hurting along with my foot, must be a nerve around the sciatic nerve. It's not bad as everything was and I still have a lot of the prednisone left so I'm hoping that things will get better. Life is still on hold, I'm not doing much of anything, to scared to do anything. I'd like to cut down the weeds mainly the plants with the burs. The clover is interesting while it's still green and those burs are soft. The animals will eat the clover so it must be sweet and the bees are hard at work. I had the first cherries yesterday off one tree. The birds are doing there thing and eating up the cherries but that have the advantage, they can fly. The good Queen Anne's are still green those are the ones that are white and red. The ones I had yesterday are the tart one but they were just real dark sweet cherries. My oldest tree near a hundred was really damaged in the snow storm in December, so was the red delicious apple tree, the top broke off of it. It's still attached and growing apple. The top in laying in the creek. Last year there was a nest of yellow jackets in the ground between the two trees and I was attacked real bad. They followed me all the way back to the house a couple hundred yard away. Got a new Epipen because I became enlarged at the bee stings. They were the size of a half a baseball. I had to take pictures of them. People were asking, "what happened to you?" Like I was beat up by someone. Spring time and the bugs are out. The ones I really hate is this time of night when everything is quiet and cooling off, the tiny bugs fly right through the screen door and land on me or land on the monitor.

    I hear my Baby Girl, the albino raccoon chewing on the porch. The skunks will chew faster and they have smaller lungs so the pitch is higher.

    Going to cool down this week around Wednesday, getting down to the 80's. Lucky that was down in the valley because it was in the 70's today here.

    I liked walking yesterday, something I haven't done in such a long time. Just walking at taking pictures of the wild flowers.

    I have been doing testosterone shots because the pain pill mess up the hormone levels over a long period. I'm worried about long term use of prednisone, mainly gaining weight and loosing minerals, going to have to get potassium. Some of the long term uses can have some other nasty things but I guess as long as I'm only taking them once in a while, I shouldn't have anything to worry about plus I'll be seeing the doctors.

    Real glade my GP's office was open, I haven't met this doctor but there are so many working there.

    Found out where the ants were coming from and going today. Had a can of yams that I dropped and it cracked the seem just a little just enough for some juice to leak out. It soaked into some Rit dye and the ants were eating that.

    Done watching TV. Ready for bed. The kids are all fed and Mr. Friend will just come on the porch and stick his head in the bag of grain, so everythings covered. Still haven't seen the baby deer yet, some time soon. You know a deer will live it's life only a couple miles from where it's born. I'm amazed at how long some animals live. The skunks and raccoons can live 20 years. So it's better to have a forest friend then a enemy. I can work with friends.

    Dream time.

  • Looking outside at my favorite place I now see it as a place that brings me pain. I could just learn to sit which will be hard to do because I want to get into the garden and pull weeds, fix things, walk around the hills. Everything I used to do where I'd be active brought me pain in the past, not a lot of pain until now, but pain of accomplishment. I don't have to go far to see the wildlife or to listen to the birds sing. Walking down to the car has become a challenge. Just doing anything outside that I took for granted including my spine. I can't believe it's June already and I feel I haven't done nothing. I had all these projects going last fall I stopped because of the rain. It did rain a lot this year and snow into May that kept me inside but most of the time I was inside on my back thinking about the days coming up to be outside. For a whole person this is a harsh place and for me getting to be impossible.

    Now that my back pain is way down I feel the knee pain and some pain in my left leg but that seems to be gone today. My knee is hurting all the time and it was masked by the pinched nerve pain. It feel like my knee is going to split and break in two. I'll see one doctor tomorrow, pain management and my GP on Friday. To plan my life forward with knowing only a little of what is to be. I have to reinvent myself to work with my body. There's a lot of fear to go around. What will I be able to do and will I be able to live here in the future. As it is right now in my mind I'm feeling like a prisoner mainly in my mind. But my body is trapping me also.
  • Hey Bob - how did the visits to the docs go? I hope they have some decent news for you. I know what you mean about losing one pain only to be confronted by the next. Now that I've finally gotten rid of most of my pain in my back, my left shoulder is acting up and I can't raise my arm. Now I'm scheduled for surgery on that July 8. Too many bone spurs impinging on the joint to let it move properly. Beginning to feel like Roseanne Roseannadanna -- if it's not one thing it's another. I hope you find some comfort for your body so your life among the critters can be peaceful and comfortable again.
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • In March 2005 I had a 360 fusion of the S1-L1 lowest part of the back. I was hospitalized for 10 weeks with a total of 5 surgerys. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. The Dr. said my case was rare like that makes me feel better. I have just gotten off Hydrocodone after taking it for four years. I take Tramadol which does not help. I have severe nerve damage in both legs and below the waist. Now I have this huge knot in my abdomen and I suspect it is scar tissue. Has anyone had scar tissue and what is your experience. I do have the metal cage in my back.
  • Last weekend when I went to the doctors office, they are open until noon on Saturday with a light staff. I got my crutches out which I haven't used in ten years, it was like they were setup for someone else. The parts that went under my arms were set so high, it lifted me up getting on them.

    I've noticed that with my back brace also. My body is getting smaller. I'm just a pile sitting on my hips.

    The prednisone I've been taking seems to have been working very good. The side effects, I've noticed a couple, higher blood pressure, a twitch on my left side of my face, it just happens once in a while. Other then that I haven't noticed anything. Maybe some dry skin but it's been hot and I haven't been outside in the sun, so that ones up in the air.

    My knee is hurting more then my hip, at least that's what happening the last two days. Pain sure does distort time. You know the time has gone by and there you are a week later. It seems like time stands still while your in pain, that's for sure.

    So I've seen two doctors this week, the pain management doctor and my GP. The pain management doctor asked if I wanted to put in a morphine pump. Not to big on that, just don't like things stuck in me like that. I haven't talked to anyone that has that so I can't say how it might work. With my GP, he's going to set me up with a new bone doctor for up here even if i have surgery down the hill some where. I still would like to have someone up here after all my bones maybe strong but I'm shrinking. Now this knee thing, that is real painful, as bad as the nerve pain causing the hip pain. It's so hard to tell someone, on a scale of 1 to 10 where are you today? Well the days not over yet. Is 10 like after surgery or a sharp stick in the eye? I felt pretty good up to and just after the doctors office yesterday. Last night as I got dinner going the pain started in. It was a simple fast dinner and I wanted to items to finish about the same time. Boil the water and add the noodles and heat up a can of beef stew. i got it together but not without making a few noises as I tried standing just a little longer. I've noticed that I tend to drop a little as I'm going through the pain trying to keep standing. My stance becomes wider and the cries out even low as they are, they feel like they go together even though they don't solve the pain problem. I finished up and took a couple steps to the table where the openSuSE Linux computers setup. It's a few minutes before the waters going to boil and the computers right here that I just got done updating. Finally I got the Linux computer working on the net. I have my knee bundled up with two gel-packs that are frozen. So far that's helping keeping the knee pain down. Last night I took off the knee brace and put the gel-packs one next to the skin. After several hours the cold started hurting. My knee was I guess so cold it numb with cold. Shrinking the parts with cold started hurting and I had to take the gel-packs off. I don't understand why my knee is being so painful after going through all the problems with the hip pain stemming from the L3 area. I guess that would called the nerve root. Keeping the knee extended seem to help. Bending the knee at some point it real painful. At least both knees aren't bothering me. I should be getting a call from a orthopedic doctor some time soon then we could figure out what
    s my knee doing. Maybe get a MRI of my knee. Right now my back is feeling rather good and I don't want to jinx it. I've noticed because every thing here is mostly dirt I have to watch my stepping. I can throw the weight onto my back just with some loose ground. I've been getting cramps in my left leg in the upper part. I'll move and feel it coming on.

    The blue jay with the damaged wing is pecking on cat food breaking it up into bite sized pieces. I guess that's it's mate flying around with it. There are two pairs of blue jays hanging out, nesting.

    I've been seeing little finches flocking through here in the afternoon. They go from tree to tree as a group getting bugs and seeds as they go along. I was wondering how they mad there little nests, then I saw them collecting spider webs. I was squatting down pulling weeds and these little birds came in together collecting webs. Today I saw a finch picking up a blade of grass. It was just the right type because the little bird tested out a couple pieces before getting that one and flew away.

    Last night I sat down with my deer Friend and talked to him for about a half an hour. I wanted to keep these three brothers away who like to kick. Friend has this big blister like thing on his neck. Stumpy had one up near his head and then it was gone, after being there for so many weeks. As I was sitting there with Mr. Friend, my albino raccoon came out and stood up to see what I was doing. I could clearly see that she is ready to have babies with her fresh unused hook ups. She's been getting a lot closer to me these last few weeks. Last year as a baby she would come pretty close with her brothers as they would eat dinner and lay around the porch, looking out over the yard. They sure were cute as babies, then what baby isn't cute. Momma Girl had her babies but hasn't brought them around yet. If she did I haven't seen them because they will stay motionless in the tall grass. I could see it in her face how happy she looked as I asked her about the babies. A smile would appear as she looked back at me. Lately she will have some grain and then go out and eat clover.

    Well going to turn the news on and see what's happening in the world. Get my leg up, I can feel the cold penetrating down to the bone. Not sure how long your suppose to ice things up. Then I guess your suppose to heat it after chilling things. I just over do it all the time. I'll have to think what I'm going to do for dinner also. Too far ahead. I'm not hungry and I know that the prednisone is changing how I eat and body functions but those are also messed up after the first back surgery Just can't tell how things are, I have to guess.

    Bob, look at that, I'm smiling
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