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Where am I and how did I get here, things were so good before.



  • Glad to hear you're feeling better Bob. Have you damaged your knee, or do you think that might be from your back pain too? I know my right knee was very painful for a while, and it was all from my back. My right hip, outside of my right thigh, my right knee, then down the inside of my right leg and into my foot. Thank goodness that is gone now. I hope you don't have a lot of damage to the knee. Perhaps a shot of Synvisc will set you up? The prednisone worked for me when my back would get really painful too -- when I'd get near the end of the pack, I'd always get a taste in my mouth like I was chewing on tin foil. Ick! I also noticed that my appetite would get ferocious when I was taking them. Glad I don't need them now.

    Hang in there Bob -- sounds like you've got the docs at least working on trying to help you out. They recommended a spinal cord stimulator for me -- I told them to take a hike.


    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • Well, I went last week to see a doctor at my group office, sort of a over flow from the week, get in emergencies and such. the doctor at the time and nurse was more then helpful and I actually felt good going to the office without having to battle an idea across. Not all drugs work the same on people depending on changes in body weight, what other drugs you might be taking, the severity of the problems. You can use averages to get by and that's what doctors and insurance companies do except when they don't listen to the end user and communications that happen and being just generally a no saying person to save someone a couple dollars over a week but without thinking what would this do the the end user and there health.

    This Gulf disaster reminds me a lot about what's happening with me. I know you would have to live in a pretty far out place on the earth not to hear about what happened in the gulf right now. Well here goes with the analogy.

    The Spill starts and the rig sinks and there's oil coming out. That's going to be a almost set rate coming out of a large pipe. Between what you can see and what we tell you your seeing are going to be two stories. Oil will float to the surface. That would be what you see. Now if we had some thing from keeping that oil from coming to the surface then the oil doesn't exist in the eyes of the public so you can't complain about the unseen oil So they spray a solvent which turns the oil into millions of tiny drops and it never goes to the surface, so you can say there is less oil coming out. Then these school wanting to see how the water is doing and map the gulf in a three dimensional map to find out where the oil isn't going, that there isn't any mystery plumes of oil floating just under the surface, because less oil is being seen but it's still coming out of the pipe at the set rate. You know those doctors and students at school like to do things with the old pencil and paper because they have a lot of extra time on their hands, maybe they aren't the party set and don't want to play, getting drunk in the sun, dancing all night, your the pasty student with the pocket protector that is looking for a challenge for their pens and pencils. So you start sailing, driving a boat along sampling the water at different depths, they have these cool bottles that tip over and open up at set depths. No, won't take a scientist to explain either. Maybe a kid that plays video games would have a good understanding of how this would work, it's a simple puzzle. So they bring up hundreds of these little bottles with tags on them telling where they collected the bottles. Looking at the little sample bottles they just look like it's something wet inside, just a clear liquid, brand x, the unknown stuff and they have a GPS tag, that's the X,Y, and Z in the 3d map. I remember in school back in the day there was a dividing point, it was arithmetic before then and modern math afterwords. Still wondering how those semantics worked out, was there clearly two type of mathematics. So these samples get run through a machine just like the machines you see on CSI every week, yes it's a CSI type job and the trace evidence now with modern math, post pencil days math. Were are doing Nintendo math now with computers and data and points and signatures. Don't get me started on the star stuff because it's there too. So the bottle are saying, not saying but the bottle contained a sample with a set amount of brand x that has this, this, and this all related to that, the stuff from the big pipe, back at the well, the big hole in the ground. So the oil on the surface was there and after spraying it on the surface and from under the sea at the well, now you see less of it. It went from a big slick to smalled patches. Then the guys from the school talked to the media bringing up their X,Y, and Z's, GPS tags and indicators maps and grids telling anyone that would listen to them with their long drawn out explanation of what was happening under the sea because Bob, Mr. Square-pants wasn't talking, he was on the take from the oil company. Each sample had tiny amounts of what the whole was and it was moving along under the sea like a large cloud, (cue the pipe organ.) So these droplets are moving, trucking like tiny 18 wheelers along the water currents and falling out of the water column to the ocean bottom never to be seen again. So, this is the tree falling in the forest and no one was there type scenario, did the oil make a sound? Your not seeing the oil on the surface except for the oil that wasn't sprayed with the solvent, "Hidadrip" a chemical made by the oil company to help disperse oil under such same conditions to take it out of the minds of the masses. Where did the oil go, if you have X coming out and only Y is showing up where did Z go, the difference between them. Well the clam diggers would tell the mystery or a student clam digger looking into the food that's available for the clams so they wouldn't be eating any bad things making people sick. It was raining drops on the sea floor, the mystery of the missing droplets is solved, the X,Y's and Z's are all there, it all adds up, it's that guy law of conservation of energy where you can't destroy anything but only change it. It was changed into droplets which started to hang out between Alabama and Florida on the ocean bottom.

    So back to my dilemma. I get a prescription with a shot and for the immediate future it's working because of the extra boost of the shot. The pills need to be taken a greater rate, a call to the doctor approves that and an appointment is setup to come in and get a refile because of the new rate of taking the pills I would run out. So Friday I went to the doctors office and got a new prescription, one that would be tapering off and not a refill if your looking at the over all set of prescriptions. The first prescription was written as 3 pills a day for a week and one a day after. Then the game plan was changed by a phone call, something the bean-counter doesn't want to hear about because he's got a piece of paper saying it's this way and it's set in stone. Another medication that work the same and had a different name would not be on the list of the carved in stone papers and would be approved because it wouldn't be a refill, it would be a new prescription, even through it would be like the modern math, but this time it was done in pencil and not pen a confusing situation for anyone.

    So, my nerve pain is starting to return and the pain is starting to be greater then the knee pain. "Oh, I just hate that." "Starting over is so hard to do." Walking is getting hard again and having to lift my leg again. It's not full blown yet and I don't think waiting until tomorrow would do me any good because I should be starting on the tapered down rate and finished the modified rate which was taken care of over the phone out of prying ears of the bean-counter. Yes, but the NIS does have a copy of the call just in case. If this was a national security issue then it could be confirmed that the conversation had took place and the rate of three pills per day was changed to four pills a day.

    I'm liking this dark cool room here. It's quiet, I can hear the founds of birds singing outside eating cherries. I'm doing the squirm, trying to get my body into the right position where the knee is hurting less. The pain pills only go so far and I don't want to take more pain pills then allocated because everyones pain is at the same rate and never changes according to the bean-counter.

    Since my co-pay is always the same I'm going to have to make notes on what would be the maximum count I could get for any prescription that wouldn't be out of the normal fro a prescription. It's better to have extra pill left over then run out too soon because you were the abnormal person that didn't fit into the bell curve. That outlyer of data, the individual.

    Things are shifting in my back because I used to be able to lean left and back and take weight off the nerve a little affecting my hip but that's causing a nerve to be stimulated and I can feel it in my left foot and then it comes up my lower left leg, in that same fashion if your watching it like a animation in your mind.

    My hanging trick isn't working as good either. That's where I lift my body up by my arms and hang loose, taking weight off the nerve a bit that is causing the pain in the hip. I can feel I guess it would be L4 or L5 sort of being stuck in place. It wants to move but something is keeping it from moving releasing and moving to cut the pain and line the spine up better. I just can't relax enough because I don't have the muscle relaxers I usually get, it's too soon for them come back next week.

    I wish I was normal with normal pain that doesn't fall out of the normal curve of bean-counter time and space. I could see how someone dealing with pains like this might try to get multiple type of the same type drugs so they would always have medications for when they were in pain. Just because a piece of paper says your not in pain because of what someone wrote a week or two ago, things change.

    So going to listen to a bit more of Prairie Home Companion and have coffee and wait for the pain pill I just took to start working when I could walk with the minimal amount of pain while walking or in the car, those vibrations are just so painful. I can handle about 10 miles of shaking in a mid sized car. Tiny cars are more ridged and the distances are shorter. I don't want to move, I'm at the place, it's all down to a tolerable level with the minimal amount of pain that is if I don't move. That pain right where my body and leg meet up is so annoying. The outside of my thigh is having pain also besides that hip joint pain. Now I just need to sneeze to blow my head off and my eyes pop out again. Maybe a soak in the tube would help. I've said that so many time, "Maybe this would help," Just a few second makes such a difference in the life of a person suffering with pain. The only think I hate about going through all this is the hoops you need to jump through to fit into the cookie cutter form I'm suppose to fit in.

    Almost breaking down again, crying at 11
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  • Well Bob, there's no cookie cutters here. I'm sure the majority of the people here understand what you're going through pain wise as well as dealing with the politics all the doctors throw at us. I myself tried to do a little conforming last week to appease a loved one that talked me into trying to cut down on my pain meds to re-baseline my pain levels. Needless to say, I ended up in the emergency room for the first time and really thought I was going to die for a while. Fortunately, the ER doc wasn't a total jerk like stories I have heard and gave me some of my Ex Relief pain meds to get me through to my pm appt the first of next week so I'm on a very minimal dosage myself and just trying to be functional which doesn't seem to be going well. I can't say I'm the most pleasant person when I'm in excruciating pain 24 - 7. I think my loved ones, while I know they are trying to watch out for me, will be cutting me some slack from now on. I have had an incredibly miserable week and found out the med flushing party was only fun for a couple people and none were me. Yes, I'm getting off topic here but I just wanted to say that you are a refreshing voice and I hope things get better. I'm having a horrible pain week myself and don't have nearly enough meds to function but I hope things are better next week for each of us. Go outside and feed some of your beautiful wildlife. When nothing else works, feeding my geese, ducks, chickens, etc seem to do about as good as anything else. If all else, find someone to help you get a nice recliner out on your porch or something and just listen to the trees.

    Good Luck!
  • The last couple days I've been thinking about my outward actions that other see. Your just trying to get by and many times others will cut you some slack but there's those unique ones that don't think. I know at times I must just look terrible either I'm mad looking or about to cry, there isn't much difference in the look you need to be on the other side looking out through our eyes. I know at times I have that blank stair. Your not thinking am I happy, do I look good, hair alright, teeth nice and white for other to see. It's those days of desperation that seem to plague me. I've always been a happy cheerful person. People wanted to be around me because I was fun to be with but today, with the world turned over it's so hard to laugh at anything. I just told someone after telling a joke, "I'm laughing inside." Takes energy to get your muscles smiling and can't space any extra energy just right now.Starting to have oven like temperatures in the late afternoon. I've been able to keep the place cool and dark most of the morning up to 4 PM which is pretty good without any devices aiding in the cooling but one fan at my back. I'm glade it gets cool in the evening rather fast. It's just between now and then. I know it's hot when I turn on the TV with the digital signal that doesn't make it through the temperature inversion. Bounces off like a solid object. The TV will read, No Signal. Design flaw.

    So last night I'm laying on the floor in front of the door watching the skunks and raccoons eating. One little buddy came up to the door to see me and as I reached out the cramps started. Compound cramps, one starts and they seem to spread as your rolling about to get the first one. All the kids seeing the motion scatter wondering what's going on. One second they are laying there eating, heats getting to them too. Can't even stand up to eat. But they were real good even for the heat.

    The albino raccoon had her babies and she brought them all out for me to see. She's keeping back at the den right now where it's safe from the owls. When I saw all those little faces my whole attitude changed. There was a sense of joy that came over me and I smiled for days thinking about the babies.

    New forest friend. I'm a bit far north as possible to have a Kit Fox here but it's here and amazing. It's like were are old friends and it know me and my gestures. The first day I saw the little fox it was sitting on it's tail so it looked like a cat sitting there. I made a motion with my hand that it's OK to get something to eat. Amazingly the little thing walked down the steps and to the walkway and up the steps to the porch. I squatted down to rest and let him get a bite. The fox kept looking over at me to see where I was. Amazingly the fox is smaller the the skunks if you leave out the tail. At first I thought it was a gray color but looking closer it's got tans and golden colors blended in along with the grays. The tail is the biggest part of the fox. Like all the creatures here, I've started with a smile and kindness. They understand smiles and kindness I've discovered, from the smallest creature to my larger friends like the deer or bear. Even the mountain lions could feel I was saying help yourself, I'm part of the forest sharing it with you.

    So, getting a web site started. I need a place to put my pictures with a story about my friends. What I've learned from them.

    A couple years ago they had a story on the news. A couple just built a home in the forest near Lake Tahoe. The woman said, "Why is the mother bear and her babies walking through out backyard." They had a unfenced back yard with a pool.

    Except them for who they are. They are just in there backyard and you moved in.

    I'm feeling pretty god the last few days. i've gotten out of my mind by working on the computer. That's making me think and not leaving me any time to pitty myself. I'm in the spot seated where my fingers are the only thing walking. The pains at a constant, no more no less. So i'm doing good. Smiling from the inside.
  • that you are doing okay Bob. I know you're in terrible pain, but I'm glad you're managing. I envy your being out where you can watch so much wildlife. I get raccoons, possum, and squirrels here, but I'm in the city.

    Hang in there.

    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
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  • It's been a while. How are you doing? Still living out there with all your critters? I hope your pain is a lot better and you are managing well.
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • Was told to take it easy and not to over do it but did I listen. No, couldn't do it. Now I'm paying for it, again. Even writing is really hard these days. I was using the computer to stay busy and keep the depression at bay. Needed to cut the dry weeds down and thought doing a little each day would be fine with the air of medication. At first I started out pulling weeds in my garden. That didn't hurt me so I thought I could do more. I wasn't doing more then an hour or two per day. That was enough to do me in. I know rest and maybe seeing the doctor about a prescription of prednisone might help. I used to be able to lift myself up and it would feel good and seem to relieve pressure on one spot in my back but now it seems my back has gone down past that point where I can't lift up past that point anymore. It hurts these days to try to lift myself up. My knee is killing me so walking is very limited. While sitting I can't find a place where my knee should be where it doesn't hurt. Have that hip pain again from L3 pinched nerve. From my thigh to my knee has a muscle that's in pain. Then there's my knee that has been abused through my life. Hyper-extended, fell over with a bike and dented a gas tank. That's when I got a double hernia lifting the bike up. Car fell on my knee. Some time I broke my leg and never had that treated. It wasn't one that supported weight so I could limp around until it fused. Broke my ankle playing football at the beach one year.

    I've gotten some projects done but have so much more to do. So much painting and water proofing to do. I think out of all the things I've done repairing the step was important and where I got the hip pain from. I stepped to hard. Going down the steps and having to step extra far on the last one because it wasn't there and landing getting all my weight then pressing down pressed on my spine help packing it downward. Still need to finish the porch and deck with water proofing and paint the porches raw wood.

    I was getting apples down for the deer and had my back brace on and a corset to keep my spine from moving over my hips. Keep me all locked in place. I was leaning down and tossing apples behind me and turned to much and something was pinched between my ribs and hip bone. On my stomach there was a hard green spot for about a week. It also made going to the bathroom very difficult. It amazes me how I can do somethings with no problem and others that you seem was so simple would cause me the most problems.

    Cut down several branches that bent over due to the heat. Had to drag them to the back of the property with my car. It does bring in more light which is good for a couple plants. That took a couple weeks to complete. One day I came out and there was blood all over the ground and spray on the table. Haven't found anything dead but haven't been walking around the property. Have a hawk that had been hanging around and would snag a pidgeon every now and then. One day it was sitting right outside the door and got some great pictures even for shooting through the screen.

    I've been using a cane and crutches a lot lately even in the house. Wearing the knee braces and back brace in the house too.

    I laid down in front of the door to watch the raccoons and skunks eating and fell asleep. I didn't look at the clock to see how long I slept but think it was about an hour. When I woke up both legs had fallen asleep below my knees. Oh boy did that freak me out. I managed to get up and walk funny over to the couch where I sat down and let my legs come back to feeling. I thought it was due to a loss of blood where you cut things off but after laying down again I think it was my nerves being pinched. I laid down again a few days later and could feel it starting on my right leg first right at my knee cap.

    My back is making all sorts of noises. Every time I move it make a crack or crunch. I don't have to move much for it to make noise. Even typing causes it to make noise.

    Doctor is working on setting up an appointment with a doctor in Sacramento area. Just waiting on that. Might have to take care of my knee first before having anything done on my back. Had a MRI done on my knee a few weeks back. I hate it when I'll go to the doctor and feel fine. I'll forget to ask him a list of questions. Not sure why I feel better going to the doctors but it seems like it happens that way.

    Well back to the couch and sort of watch TV. I tend to lay flat on my back or on my side with a pillow between my legs. Sometimes I'll rap the heating pad around my knee. Most of the time the heats on my hip. This last week I been outside twice and every time I came in hurting after walking around.

    Take care
  • Sorry to hear your knee and back is bothering you so much. Are you wearing the back brace because you had surgery or to stabilize your spine? My back makes those crunchy noises especially right after spinal injections then it's not so bad. Sounds like you're doing a lot of physical work around the house and hope you don't overdo.

    I hope you get the knee looked after properly. My husband had arthroscope surgery on his knee and is better after having it done but too much activity dancing and weed pulling he puts ice on his knee and it seems to help. Do take care of yourself in the hot weather and drink lots of water to keep hydrated. Smiles back. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Well had a nice letter or so to post and lost it not thinking. Kept getting an error in the spelling and was trying to figure it out and changed pages.

    Switched browsers to Firefox, it's got a add-on so if you loose the page it remembers every thing in the form you were typing. Learn this lesson using the browser to do mail. I'd type a letter and by the time I was done the mail service timed me out where I had to log back in. I found that I could copy the letter if I remembered and type in Firefox with this little add-in so I don't loose what I'm typing.

    So lets try this again. Took my meds. and ready to go for another 4 hours. After dinner coffee is going and should be ready in a few minutes.

    Let see where I left off. I heard a show yesterday on the radio talking about IBMT. It's a type of meditation. Suppose to reduce stress and increase your minds connections. Been Googling that and reading about it and couldn't hurt to try, seems simple enough.

    Last week I'm sitting at the desk and heard barking real close. I know where the neighbors dog is and that's far away. I can't see anything looking out the window so I step out on to the porch. Next thing I know there's a set of jaws next to me barking. I go back inside and out the back door leaving the dog baking at the front door. I went up to where a guy was cutting weeds here. I yelled out Mike, whose dog is this. He yells back I don't know mine is tied up. He turns off the weed whacker and I ask him where's his truck. Just then the old trash pile metal starts bouncing and making noise. I see one of my skunks in the dogs mouth. I reacted so fast to protect my little one, I busting right through the brush breaking branches left and right and gave the dog a big kick to drop the skunk. I bent down and started rubbing the skunk to calm it down. I rolled it over to see if I could see and punctures. It's back was broken real bad and it feet were hanging limp. I was moving leaves way from her face and she bit me on the finger. I kept petting to calm her down. I could see any damage besides the broken back. I ripped of my corset and still had my brace on. I laid that down next to her and rolled her on it and carried her down to the house and into the bath tub. My Boy Scout training went into effect. I took off most of my cloths and hopped into the tub and turned on the shower hose and started rinsing her off. I shampooed her and rolled her over. I started inspecting her and saw that she had a large hole in her back end. I cleaned all the dirt out I could and got her ready to go to the vet. Didn't know how to carry here and saw a camera bag. I put a couple towels in to hold her in place. She looked so cute laying there I had to take a picture of her. She was so good letting me clean her up. I can see now that this is going to affect me into the future like all my other animals that have died. I got to the county vet and she said that it was too much damage to repair. I would have taken care of her with the broken back but the other damage was too much to repair. The vet said it would be best to put her to sleep. Every one there was so nice to me. They said she was in real good health. That I took real good care of her raising her. I was really distracted that day and drove home in a daze. I must have hurt my back going through the brush it's something even a normal person would have had a real hard time doing. I didn't take any short cuts but blasted right through the brush and it wasn't brush like little bushes but tree like bushes. The branches were around a inch across. They were dead because that's how that bush grows laying on a layer every year. It has to be when I pinched the nerve in my back again this time.

    Had a tree branch break in the hot weather which broke two other tree tops on the holly's Wasn't to fond of the holly's. I cut them down and dragged them to the back of the property with the car. Anything you need to move with a car is really heavy.

    At the doctors a few weeks back he said it was good that I keep moving and staying active but I just keep over doing it. Then when I do that I can't even get on the computer, it's too hard to sit. Seems everything has been put on hold since last year when I had the first episode of a pinched nerve. It's been like that ever since and I have so much to do. Summers the time you get things done outside. My spare room has been filled up with old monitors and TV's. I'd move them but they are to heavy. Maybe I need to move them to the porch and figure it out then. It's a big porch. Might make a good play ground for the raccoons. Have so much gardening to do.

    Family reunion. Have grandma raccoon here and the babies with momma raccoon and the tiny baby skunk is back. Porch is full of chewing sounds. It's really nice seeing everyone here. It's really entertaining and relaxing. It's some of the only time my mind is off my pain while watching them.

    Guess I'll take a break from typing and lay on the heating pad for a while.


  • I'm so sorry to hear you lost one of your little buddies. Bless you for trying to help the best you could. Perhaps it's time to see if you can find someone to come and help you. I know the urge to get things done and it's hard to ask someone to help, but you're going to end up hurting yourself more often.

    Hang in there. I hope you get an appointment soon. You've gotta get your parts fixed up!

    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
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