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Getting my husband involved more



  • we needed to hire a cleaner as it was getting too much for me, he responded by doing nearly all the housework, success, now we do it together, we talk more as a result of it and spend quality time that we would not have had before.
    and we laugh while doing it,
    we cook on alternate nights and the one who cooks gets to put their feet up while the dishes are done, im very lucky i know
  • I've thought very hard about getting someone in to do some of the cleaning. Problem is I don't know what I would have them do. I just seem to do it and suffer later. lol

    I've also thought about taking the laundry to the laundromat and having them do it. But I figure if I have to haul it there and back I might as well take it down stairs and do it myself.

    I think what I really need is an extra day off during the week to get everything done. I have been thinking about seeing if I can switch my hours and work a little extra for 4 days and have one day off. Then I could take a little more time to be careful as I do the housework instead of rushing and pushing myself too far.

    We'll see what day at a time.
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  • Kris,
    I'm so happy that you got such a good response from him. Sometimes it takes them hearing it from a medical professional.

    My husband went to all my injection appts and some with the original surgeon. He never really understood until he went to my 2nd opinion surgeon and that surgeon pointed out on the MRI why I was in so much pain. He was very sympathetic for a little while. I think at this point he just doesn't know how to make me feel better and that's a man's instinct. I'm not making excuses for him cuz he really is quite an a$$ about it again for the last 6 months. He was great in March 2009 and good for months afterward.

    I wish nothing but the best for you and hope your husband continues to support you.
  • Kris I'm glad your husband understands after going to the doctor with you. I'm lukcy that my husband is understanding. Since my husband hates to vacume, and do heavy cleaning I have been taking in someone to clean since right before my first Lumbar surgery. I still do things around the house, but leave the vacuming and moving of furniture to her, she does the heavy cleaning, and I do the lighter stuff. It works for us, and stops me from arguing with him about helping me all the time. Since I am only 8 weeks post op my Cervical surgery, he has been eptying the dishwasher, and trying to help with other things too...but this too shall end as soon as I am on my feet again.


  • Kris -

    Now, honey - you know full and well that if we weren't there doing everything, our homes would crumble around us.

    I work an 8 hour day, 5 days a week. My second shift starts as soon as I get home. There's supper, homework, laundry, etc etc. PLUS a little added on the side, I tend to my elderly, ill mother.

    I used to do everything on Saturday, so I'd at least have Sunday's to rest.

    THEN, I realized if I did a little something during the week - clean bathrooms one nite; dust another, sweep/vacuum on Thursdays... I have more me time on the weekend and can actually rest more. But that's just me.

    I am thrilled your hubs understands now - at least a little, but the info came from someone in authority - a doctor no less! Oh, and probably a man, too.... My husband is a real man's man. The sports, the hunting, the chauvinistic ideals, etc. He also treated me differently when I had my surgery. I guess the doctor talked to him while I was being wheeled from the OR to recovery...

    I did go the hired help route. Of course, I'd clean the house before the cleaning crew came... I'd die if they saw my house messy! Needless to say that did not last long. My husband actually does laundry sometimes. Feels real proud of himself when he does and we all have to "ooh" and "aaahh" over what he's accomplished.

    Men. They're so funny sometimes.

    Hope you continue to get the support you deserve. One day at a time, indeed!

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  • I am rolling on the floor reading all these recent posts. Do you ever wonder who these women are who "share" the house work equally with their husbands? I see them on Oprah but not in real life!! Even the ones who help don't come any where near equal. My father's (76) idea of helping is to not complain about what's not done.

    I know that I take this on myself. It is what works for our family. I salute the women who work full-time and still do all the house work. I only work part-time and I don't know how you fit everything in after an 8 hour day.

    I hope this post keeps going. There is strength in numbers - even if we are only sharing our stories.
  • I was looking back at past posts and saw this one. Almost two months (where the heck did the time go) I wanted to add to my experience.

    I am still doing all of my usual work and chores. I am finding that I am getting tired more easily. My husband has been off work for the past 5 weeks but instead of helping me he is working on a vacation home we bought recently. In one way it is giving me a break but makes it harder in other ways.

    Back to the point...I am nearing the point of making a decision on surgery or no surgery. This has freaked out my husband incredibly. I think he is scared to death that something permanent might happen to me. I guess he does care :)

    I am scared of being unable to do things after the surgery. As I said at the beginning of this topic I take alot on myself. Not sure how I would handle letting go. I also don't want to push these things off on my family.

    Not really sure what this has to do with anything. But I do believe that sharing lightens the load.
  • I was much like you, I did everything at home. Cut the lawn,(which is over an acre)trimmed all the shrubs,trash, laundry, cleaning, cooking.....I'm sure you get the picture. Before my surgery I was unable to do much of anything and had to learn how to let go. It wasn't easy and still isn't easy for me, as I get very frustrated that things are in, what I see, as a state of dis array. From my yard to inside my home. My husband works as a mechanic and is gone from home for more than 12 hours a day, so I hate to ask him to do stuff, however, I've learned to ask. Does he scrub the tub when I ask him? hahahahaha, I wish. I just let it go because for me to scrub the tub would invite more pain on myself at this point in my recovery. Now that my husband has his own set of neck issues cropping up, I need to learn to REALLY let go. Keep working on the letting go. Remind yourself that to compromise your health is not worth getting that floor clean or tub scrubbed.
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