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Too many years, Too much pain

rockyroadsleeprrockyroadsleep Posts: 15
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:39 AM in Lower Back Pain
I am new to spine health and hope I can learn something within the next 6 months. I started having cronic low back pain back in 1999. I have been to Doctor after Doctor with no help. All of the MRI's and exrays show nothing wrong other than a couple of minor buldging desks. The Doctors say they don't see anything wrong with me. I have severe pain in my lower back that radiates into my buttocks and down my left leg. My left foot tingles constantly and feels like I am walking on hot coals. But the Doctors say they can't see anything wrong with my back. My life has deteriorated to not being able to do anything. I can't stand very long and forget about walking. At night I'll sleep for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours then I have to get up and sit up for about 45 min. to an hour. Then I go back to bed and do the same thing over again and again until morning. I am exausted. On Monday I went to another Doctor because my pain has changed (got even worse) and he said the same as the other Doctors. So that night I discussed it with my husband and we decided that if I am still in this much pain in six months, I will commit suicide. He doesn't want me to do it, but he feels helpless about helping with the pain. He can't stand seeing me in this much pain. I've saved up enough pain pills. I go to a pain management dr who put a pain pump in and gives me Methadone. The pump cuts a little bit of the edge off the pain most of the time but the Methadone is like taking an aspirin. So I have saved them up just for this occasion. If anyone here has had this same problem and managed to get help for it please let me know. I really don't want to end my life, but as it is right now, I have no other choice other than remaining in this horrible pain. I am disparate.


  • Jaye
    I am sorry you are in so much pain psyically and emoitionally. I feel you need to find someone to talk to about your feelings of suicide. It is not the answer. Call a friend, call a hotline, tell a doc get a psych appt.
    Do not say you cannot afford it some are free or sliding scales. Go to your local hospital tell them and they will admit you and get some immediate help today. That will lead to longterm help.
    I have had too much suicide in my life. Believe it is not fun.
    I hope u will find the help you need.
    You are not alone Jaye!!!
  • I am sorry for everything you have to go through. It must be horrible seeing no end to the pain, but maybe there at least could be some way to decrease it when you find the right doctor. I have the same situation in that you don't have a diagnosis. I have been in pain for 15 years, with flareups that make me unable to walk at all, and not enough shows up on the MRI. Have you had a nerve test, EMG, done? Finally one doctor came up with that idea and that test shows that I have an ongoing nerveinflammation. They still don't know what causes it, but atleast I have proof for other people and sometimes for even myself that I am not insane. Do you have the support of your family members or friends? The fact that the doc saw an inflammation helped choose the medicine that helped me walk again, prednisone. Have you tried steroid pills like this? For me nothing else had helped. I am still in pain, but when I feel an even worse flareup coming I take my steroids for some time and I feel a little better. In the beginnning I had to take them a couple of months inorder for them to take effect. The inflammation had gotten so bad. All injections, even steroid ones, made me worse. But as pills they seem to work. Couple of years ago I also went to counseling for a year, with a pain psychologist. I also had thoughts of suicide. The counseling helped emotionally. I needed some one to listen and believe me. I also found myself again. So many doctors and even family members had suggested the pain was all in my head. It is tough to live with pain 24 hrs a day. And especially hard if you can't sleep at night and gather strength. But believe me suicide cannot be an answer. What all treatments have you tried? Maybe we can help each other by sharing ideas, since neither of us have a diagnosis?


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  • There is help out there for you. I know that 10 years is a long time to suffer. Has your PM doc done a discogram yet? I went for 2 years without a diagnosis after only minor things showed on the MRI.

    Through a discogram my PM found an annular tear that did not show on the MRI.

    It really sounds like most of your pain is nerve pain. Are you on any of the nerve pain meds? Methadone and the like will not touch nerve pain but there are meds that will.

    Are you taking anything at all for depression? It is very common to be depressed when you are in pain. Ending your life is not the answer.

    Please post back and give us a little more info. We really do want to help and most of us can really relate to your suffering. With more info from you maybe we can give you more suggestions.
  • Have you tried sleeping in a recliner? It may allow you to at least get a little bit more sleep.

  • Jaye,
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know pain is so overwhelming. I see the pain in my husband's eyes and I can only imagine what he feels. He's no where near as bad as what you describe but I want you to know that suicide is not the answer.



    I will pray for you. As soon as my husband made me read your post I burst into tears, and I continue to cry as I write this message. My heart aches for you and your pain and your sorrow. Please don't end your life. EDITED
    Please anyone else who reads this post, please pray for Jaye.

    Michelle *posting on my husbands account

    Post edited by moderator paulgla.
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  • Please please please try another doctor, if the two you've seen were neurosurgeon's, try an ortho surgeon or vice versa. With your symptoms and the severity of them, there is something there. You know it! We all know when something isn't right with our bodies. If you haven't had a myelogram, ask for one. Press the doctor or get your husband to go and press on them to insist that you get help. I know first hand, most of these surgeons do not ask you the right questions, you have to recite the right words to them to key them in on what they should do.

    I had the same situation as J.J. Grey, I had disc bulges moderate from L3 the rest of the way down. Finally, I had a discogram and a myelogram with CT scan. These were not fun tests at all, but they found that my L4/5 was torn in two and had a big chunk missing so my bones were rocking all over my nerves. The 3 MRIs I'd had before that didn't show this or at least the reports didn't say anything.

    If you are willing to give up your life due to the pain, then you can give it one more try, right? Cause a scene, lay it out for the doctor, get your husband's support by chowing down on the doctor's ear. Sometimes they just don't hear us, and you need to make them hear you, one way or another. Be strong! You are worth it! There is some relief to this terrible pain, even if it won't go away completely. Please please please go back to the surgeon and give them some what's for. YOU can do it!
  • Welcome to SH. We are here to support you and share our experiences. Do come into the chat room as well. In chat we support each other, but also talk of other things and joke a bit to take our minds off of our pain. I was very depressed and going into chat helped me with that a great deal.

    As mentioned above, have you had a CT myelogram or discogram? Do you go to a spine center? Have you had flexion/extension x-rays of your back? My MRI showed a bulge at L4/5 and my GP said it was normal. I went to a NS who diagnosed me with spondylolisthesis.

    So, there is hope you will find an answer. Please also find a counsellor who can talk things out with you.

    Best to you,

  • Very sorry to hear about you situation with pain... I too have suffered for years with pain... I've had surgery and stuff and suffer from pain. but all I need to say, ending your life will cause more pain on your friends and family. I know that seems like taking the easy way out. I'm sure u feel as if your at the end of your rope. I too have thought about suicide but I have so many loved ones that I wouldn’t want to put through that burden. Pain is a very serious and real thing. Sometimes they don’t know what causes it, the back is one of the most complex things in our body and one of the few things that can be replaced. Ending your life is not the answer. I think everyone would agree with me, that talking is one of the most important things that might help you reconsider, Please feel free to join us in the chat room… we might now always have the answer your looking for but we all have a vast amount of knowledge that might can help you learn more about pain and procedures. I’m not sure what your religion is but hopefully u have faith in god sometimes he doesn’t always answer as quickly as we would like but remember if you are a Christian Catholic which ever it may be taking your life will send you somewhere u don’t want to be. Maybe ask your docs or try to find a psychiatrist that might help you.. Please don’t take your life that’s not the answer!
  • Please do not give up...there must be something more you can do. For being able to deal with your pain for 10 years means that you have the strength to continue. Do not let the pain win.

    Tell the doctors that you are at an absolute low point and need some answers or you will give up. Have you looked at other things other than your spine? Could be some other type of disease or issue?

    Have they checked everything? Go to as many doctors as you can. Just keep going even if it means to travel or send your MRIs to other places. I believe a discogram may be the real test you need as JJ said. My doctor told me that since they know where my pain is coming from than it is not needed but for you since they still do not know it may provide all the answers.

    Keep daily here. Free up your mind from all that baggage it is carrying. You are in control not the pain. Try to focus on something else no matter what it is.


  • please get yourself into some good councelling.perhaps an antidepressant may be needed as well. i don't know what kind of doctors you have been going to but i have many questions.have you gone to a spine specialist or a spine neurosurgeon? have you had a recant mri,or a ct mylogram? it really is terrible to be in chronic pain but it sure sounds like some stone has been unturned. please come visit us in spine health chat room and find people that have been through alot of similar issues as well as live their lives with chronic pain. we support each other and also get some levity going at times which tends to take our minds off our pain for a while. don't hesitate in getting a good psychiatrist. mine told me you have to get your depression under control.when you are very depressed your pain is worse. he is soooo right. good luck
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