Ok, I confess, I need my moment of whingeing, ( great Kiwi word)... for having a good complaint session. It is precisely 3 am, on my computer clock, which given I travel so much I no longer even bother changing. I bolted out of bed with a mother*** cramp deep underneath my ribcage, trying rubbing that one out!
My surgeon told me to expect this, but what a way to wake up!. Since I am now completely awake, I might as well sit down and write as I often do at night.
Don't expect answers here to the above, candidly, because I don't have them, just some personal musings and questions. And after two divorces, what the heck do I know anyway? Maybe you have some?
I am recently single with older kids. I am trying to sort through the whole dating, sex, love and other juicy bits post age 40 thing. Throw chronic pain on top of that and it is all quite a lovely mess of uncertainty, opportunity, and human hilarity.
There is no check mark on match.com for chronic pain among their 2000 other inane questions.
I (presume) I appear reasonably normal when I go on a blind date, unless it is a bad pain day, in which case everything tends to like to lock up and I hobble around.
Do I confess on that always first ever so comfortable date, that my back and spine now look like Edward Scissorhands left his latest signature piece on it? The look is quite fetching with the sexy black negligee, red spike boots, whip and goth makeup, I must say, if you are into that kind of thing) !
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Do I casually mention that I electrically wired up internally like the bionic woman with my neurostimulator device and have to turn my back on often to deal with the pain or just surprise him with all my various gizmos and control boxes?
Better yet, that the cage in my back from my spinal fusion can lock up and cause me to have to contort in very interesting ways during some inconvenient times?
Do I confess all from the onset and have the distinguished gentleman I just met, run with a look of shocked horror from the Starbucks table with his double non fat, extra hot, no foam latte in hand?
Or just leave it as an unusual surprise to later that he can share with his friends for years to come...
Or perhaps I should I date only men with chronic pain issues or related disability related problems, so they can relate?
And will I end up taking care of them and then myself- a long standing joke in San Miguel where I currently reside part time." Men either go there to die or find a nurse to help them along the way...if they still have the strength and enough money to find one."
I haven't found a dating service for chronic pain survivors out there yet, but I am sure they are out there.
Perhaps my next biz in my every interesting string of bizarre entrepreneurial ventures? I can only imagine the questions I would need to add to the matching criteria. My PHP programmer would be rolling on the floor.
At any rate, I am at least finding this process amusing, so I suppose I will go with. However, my children, who assume I am a total loser in the dating world anyway after my second divorce, "say take thy to a nunnery, woman.
Do they accept non Catholic in chronic pain nuns? How will I get up from the pews after 4 hours of prayers? So many questions...
I guess this it is a trial and error thing, and I will report back my dating efforts and findings after my next venture in the world of Sex, Love, Dating and All the Juicy Bits. And will try to keep laughing!
Cheers. and may you be blessed with better sleep than mine!