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Pain Medication and the DEA

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  • Jon. Dealing with all that while you were in so much pain must of been a nightmare. I know you try not to dwell on things but I also know how you adore your family. Seeing the pain she put your wife through must of been terrible for you.

    Addiction causes so much pain I wish we could understand it better & stop the suffering. It's heart breaking.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • Did your wife drink Jon? My Dad's one of 5. The oldest was an alcoholic & the youngest has many drug problems. It makes me wonder why people raised in the same home, sharing genetics can be so different when it comes to addiction.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • I admire how everyone has opened up so much and did it with respect and no fear of beginning
    anything. For me I am and have been sensitive big time about the subject of drugs and alcohol.
    It is good to be able to discuss the possible reasons and how it has been part of our life's.
    My Dad had a horrible childhood but never drank until he hit a bridge that almost took his leg off.
    He spent 4 years in the VA pumped full of drugs to deal with the pain of that accident. His leg had
    huge pins and bolts to keep it together. When they released him he got no meds so to deal with the
    pain then and through the years he used alcohol. His one leg was about 6" shorter than the other one
    and too proud to get a shoe that would help. I was the second oldest of 10 children and my older brother
    and I took on tons of responsibility for the younger ones. My Dad worked construction and I never knew
    the pain he was in until after I left home. Growing up for example I would worry he would be in front of
    the high school drunk on the lawn. He would come up here to the city where I lived it was easier the cops
    did not know him like the small town we were from. Plus he had a lot of buddies up here to drink with.
    Hundreds of times I would like Sandi hunt the streets for him and his favorite hangout was a place where
    you did not want to go. He would call from jail or the VA and want to come here at my home. Sorry too long
    a story anyway I swore when I was growing up my kids and my life would never include that and it has not.
    I helped and spent so much energy, until I woke up one day and decided I could not have that in my kids life's, they had
    been hurt way too much because of it. I lost four brothers, two nieces, one nephew and 3 other blood relatives
    all due to drugs and alcohol. It has not been that long ago that I lost two brothers and I loved them all deeply.
    My Mom is in a rest home and she is destroyed from the deaths, she just cries and cries. What Sandi says is
    true after my second brother died my parents were gone emotionally. The family was destroyed we used to
    all hunt and fish it was a huge fun time but in the end it is all gone because of drugs.
    I'm sorry to open up is hard and I don't make sense but I have 3 of us who don't abuse and I am now down
    to very little pain meds because I became tolerant. It is hell to be going through this but I will never let meds.
    destroy my little family. I don't know why some of us went one way and so many went the other. I just
    know that I made that decision when I was little and it has never changed. I have lost the remainder of
    my family, they don't want anything to do with me and I get it but it hurts I was there for them.
    Sorry for all you have gone through we all have things in our childhood that haunt us right? But
    just reading your posts shows how strong and caring you all are.
    I will stop now and thanks for letting me part of this discussion.
    Sherri
  • Oh Sherry you know it breaks my heart. We're such a tiny little community but we share such pain so much more pain than I ever imagined until we started sharing like this. The world is filled with so much beauty yet so much pain. Why do some of us vow to change the story & others use it as reason to repeat with such predictably tragic results? I truly believe the worse pains are those people bring upon themselves, regret is the most terrible curse & I can't but feel deeply sorry for those who drown in that kind of despair. My heart only breaks for those of you caught in the carnage of their wake. I am astounded by your strength & endurance to truly overcome so much in your lives. You give so much, even to the takers in life. You should be encredibly proud of all you've achieved.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • It is so true what you say cause I am stronger because of my childhood and I my children tell me all the time how lucky they are that I did not decide to go that route.
    Funny when I was a kid and there was not much to eat at times and one bathroom, I knew when I grew up I
    was going to succeed and have a house with two bathrooms and bake all the cakes I
    wanted to. It is funny now I laugh cause now I have three bathrooms I can't keep clean
    and bake cakes, too easy to buy one. Just a little humor that makes me smile.
    Sherri
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  • I appreciate all your kind words but look at you a great Mom with all you deal with
    and how caring and helpful you are to those who need it here.
    You for sure should be just as proud.
    Thanks Sherri
  • I have been reading your stories the last couple of days, you all have been very open but still I have been hesitant to share my "growing up with an alcoholic story" It's not easy to talk about, I still have some anger issues toward my whole family because of the way I had to grow up!!! Angry @ all of them still, because not a single one of them tried to help me during this time, & now it's never talked about it, as none of the "bad stuff" ever happened. My dad did stop drinking when I was young, probably by the time I was 6 or 7 but he was never taught or given the correct tools to deal with life without alcohol. When I was little I remember my dad being very short with us, myself and my brother grew up knowing we had to be quiet and not make any noise in the house because this would upset my dad. I can still hear my dad's belt coming off for a "whipping" because of slipping up and making noise. When my brother and I were little, we were sent to get our own switches for our whippings. We even knew the bush to get them from, a willow bush, anyone that doesn't know a willow is more like a whip, it extends long, hits its target and whips back over and over w/o breaking. I desperately remember this hurting badly & leaving welts that were lasting.

    As we grew to be 10 or so, my brother became more of a friend to my dad-I know now it was to avoid the wrath of his anger. I just grew to resent him but still loved him at the same time, he was still my dad but he almost killed me. I believe I had developed a kind of stockholm syndrome toward my dad.

    My teen years were horrible, from the age of 14 on the whippings turned into beatings, being thrown, slapped, kicked, punched, black eyes, the whole 9 yards. The worst time was when I was 16 until I left home at 19. It was pure torture, the abuse was physical, mental, verbal, and emotional. My dad was so mean to me growing up, I was a complete and utter mess by the time I left home. I later learned that my dad drank to deal with PTSD, I also think he was bi-polar but noone in my family will confirm this. After years of trying to deal with emotional scars on my own, I finally sought out help and eventually was able to forgive my dad and we were just beginning to have a good relationship, then he passed away. I do wish we had more time. What I don't like is that my family has him on a pedestal now, simply because he's no longer with us. They won't ever mention all the bad stuff he was about, it's all good now-EVERYTHING is all good.

    My anger now lies with my entire family, they knew my dad had PTSD and not a one of them tried to get him help nor tried to help me, a child!!! I remember phones being taken out of my hands as I tried to call 911 and being told that "the law would NOT be called from their phones" I remember my grandmother hiding me in her closet, for my protection, and then pointing to the closet I was hiding in when my dad would ask her where I was. I remember being told what would happened to me if I told the police what "really" happened. I remember sitting in class shaking, lying to guidance counselors about what was going on. I can still see my mom just sitting there watching as I was jerked off the couch by my hair and thrown in the floor. Honestly, this list goes on and on, It would take forever to tell you everything.

    Now my family wonders why I don't call or come around. Truth is I just don't want to. I have a mom who never calls me, never visits, never came to the hospital when I was in for 2 weeks at a time. I was in the hospital for almost a solid year and she never came or ever called. I feel like I don't have a mom, I realize I never did. My mom never held me growing up, never held my hand (that I remember) never played with us. Just had us, brought us home and expected us to be quiet and never play outside our bedroom. Honestly, I wonder if I'm hers--I joked when I was really sick that I could be hospitalized, pass away, and be buried before my mom would even know it-there's alot of truth in a joke. I just don't wanna be around them, my mom, brother, uncles, aunts all of them. My family is my husband and my daughter. I raised my daughter without ever having to whip her, throw her, bruise her or kick her. She was never physically, mentally, emotionally or verbally abused and she never will be as long as I'm breathing!! I could have and should have been raised the same. Every child should be.

    So, with one persons alcoholism, I lost my whole entire family. He abused me because of it, my whole family denied and turned away and now I don't want anything to do with them.....now if I can just put this up and not delete it all.
  • TarenTTaren Posts: 510
    edited 05/01/2014 - 5:08 AM
    Ty & for what you went through, I'm so sorry for as well. You are exactly right, saint hood is granted after they are gone and you can never speak ill of the dead, same has always been told to me. I read last night how you had to go into bars and find your mom and drag her home at all hours of the morning, that's more than a child should have to do. You are right some people are not meant or should be parents-I have said this so so many times. I heard Jamie Lee Curtis say once, a few years ago, that all mothers and daughters were not meant to be friends, this is true with me & I'm seeing I'm not alone.

    I almost didn't put my story up but now I'm glad I did, it does help to write it and see it up. Things were so different back then, we could be mistreated as badly as our parents saw fit and it was kept quiet and in those miserable 4 walls and the only way out was when you left home. I have heard people say how nice it is to go home or see their family, I have never, not once ever felt this way. I have always dreaded the thoughts of it. The second I realize I have to be around them for anything, such as a funeral, I live in dread until I'm back in my truck going home.

    My daughter is very safe and happy, I always knew as I was growing up that no child of mine would ever be made to feel the way I was made to feel. Never would I repeat my parents mistakes.

    I have tried with my mom, I try when I call her but she never calls me back, I have asked her to pick up the phone and call me, she says she will make the effort but, so far she hasn't & I know she never will. Like your mom, my mom is incapable of being a parent, she doesn't know the first thing about it--she has a cousin, that is my daughters age, that she treats better than me or her own granddaughter. I just feel like I have nothing left to give to her. It's hard to keep giving and putting myself out there when I never get anything in return. I'm so glad sandi, that you have made peace with your mom and have an understanding of her.
  • Yes, that is sad, very sad indeed. She and her choices have ruined her life, but I applaud you for not letting her choices affect you and your family. She sounds like a miserable human being & I'm sure would like nothing more than to have others around her just as miserable--misery loves company, I have heard.

    My mom doesn't drink and as far as I know has never taken anything stronger than a Tylenol. She is also kind to other people, I'm just the one she pushes away. Sometimes I think she blames me for all the chaos that was in our family as I was growing up.

    The way my dads PTSD was explained to me, is that when he was having a blackout he was not seeing me as his child but as his enemy and he was punishing me as such, pretty badly. He was seeing me, in his mind, as a full grown military man & I was just a kid, a girl-there were times, afterwards, when he was at himself, he would ask me what happened to me? I would ask, don't you remember?? How could mom not know something was wrong with him? I have asked myself this a million times. I feel that mom should have protected me or at least tried to-even if she knew she would get hit, I know I would for my own child, I would get between my child and any man to protect her--even if it meant protecting her with my very own life. All these questions I have had all my life--and like your family, they can't be talked about and are swept under the rug as if nothing every happened, simply because the person is gone and is treated as a saint now--and here we are left with all the baggage...One thing I will give my parents though, is that they taught me to be a better parent and a better human being...I love my daughter and would never allow my family to influence her in anyway, especially the way those people are. I like my life simple w/o drama & them being in my life produces just that exact thing.
  • terror8396 said:
    taren i feel your pain
    for some reason my mom and my first son left me and do not talk to me for what reason i do not know. my mom is dead now and i still don't know why. i gave my first son money and a good relationship, my first wife and i are divorced so i don't know if that was the cause. at least my sister my wife, my son, and all of her family are on good terms with us. but i will never know why ole mom and number one son have ditched me. my wife wrote an angry letter to my son, but no answer. i know he has a couple of daughters but i have never met them. i am a grandfather and do not know my granddaughters. very sad. my wife is really ticked off because she has tried to contact them but no answers. oh we'll. at least i have the others i have mentioned. love my wife son and her family and my sister. my sister is a twin and she doesnt even hear from her twin brother. it has been 20 years that she has heard from them
    jon

    Jon, I'm sorry for the pain I know you must feel. To have 2 grandchildren and not know them at all must be very hard. Regardless of your son's feelings he shouldn't deprive his daughters of a relationship with their grandfather, at least to meet you and know you exist. Hopefully, one day they will want to look you up. I'm kind of in the same boat as you as far as our moms go-mine is alive but she will not talk to me unless I provoke it and quiet frankly, I'm getting a lil bit tired of trying & honestly, I just don't want to anymore. I'm sorry you at least did not know the reason your mom stopped talking to you before she passed away. I guess we are to be happy with the ones that loves us and stick by us & try not to spend too much time thinking about the ones that don't.
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