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Do you find it hard to give/

William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 3,847
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:54 AM in Matters of the Heart
Is it hard to give love and attention to your family and friends because if your infirmity?
I sit easy to fall back and just curl up in a little painfull ball?
How do you give when there is nothing but pain in your life.
do you try to defocus off yourself and try to remain tuned into their needs.

What is your way of giving when it hurts?
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod
erator

Welcome to Spine-Health

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1

Comments

  • It depends on what they need. Lately my family has been helping me pack because I'm moving next week. I also find extended family not so helpful while I've been ill and one won't even drive me to see my cousin's new baby and I asked for a ride and was told no let your husband drive you. Well my husband doesn't want to drive me because he doesn't like my family so I was disappointed and no one even visits me anymore or calls.

    I don't know what to give people when I'm in so much pain. Yes it's hard to give. I hope someone has more helpful comments for you as I would like to learn also. TC. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Most times I am good, but the last 3 days (hence no posts by me) I have been in the lumbar hurt locker. I bless my husband to his patience... I feel like crap that aside from being in the hurt locker, I've paid him NO attention the last 3 days.... The rest of my family, I don't talk with, but do talk with my family on my husbands side - they are wonderful!!!

    Most times I can work with hubby, family, friends...but not the last few days...

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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  • As a mom I am usually the one who gives....and gives....and gives...lol. When the pain increases and is not under control everyone knows because I tend to snap. My usual patience and understanding goes out the window.

    It took a while to recognize the clues but now my kids know to stay away and I try to do the same. When this happens I know it is time to do something different to get relief. In the mean time distance is the best medicine.

    So yes I do find it difficult to care for others when the pain increases.
  • You know they say you can't help anyone else till you help yourself. But then there is that part of you that kicks in over drive when someone needs you more, and you do whatever it takes. When my mom was ill, and I knew I needed another surgery, I looked after her needs before anything of mine. But then again my mom spent her entire life giving freely of herself to others, always no matter how she felt.

    Last summer my step dad fell and broke his back, and while his daughter came by she couldn't deal with his complaints and it was easier for me to do it than to depend on her. This last week has been very difficult pain wise on me and haven't heard from him, as he is in a nursing home. I called his son to see if he heard from him, mind you he is in his 60's and said no, he didn't call me even on my birthday. So today some how i need to muster up the strength and go see how he is doing. I am already up as it is after 5 here after going to bed at 2. But he is 90 and don't have much for this life. So the only thing I am doing today is checking on my dad and everything else goes out the window. I had him home this past month for his 90th birthday, did everything for the meal over a three day period, except mixing the food up. It has now been three weeks and I still feel like i been hit with a mac truck. But on the flip side while it induced hoards of unwanted pain, the emotional spiritual side of me felt better. At the end of the day I always want to go to bed with a clear conscious and mind even if pain is keeping me awake. I maybe in tears from pain these last few weeks but I am not in tears of regret.

    Kris, I got a good laugh out of your family picks up the settle clues. Reminds me of my niece with her monthly cycle we all run, when we know it is that time. No need to ask she lets off some very obvious clues like a demon has awoken, so hers maybe not so settle. But that is true of all chronic pain patients I think we all let off settle clues the pain is getting to us and we need to be left alone, or at least I do. I know my clues are very obvious i am very quiet no one hears from me, I tend to be in the back yard where it is more quiet, trying to stay away from all stress and I of course the obvious is I am never hungry and don't eat when the pain is this high.
  • dilauroddilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,519
    Very good and thoughtful topic...
    It is hard to give to others when you are consumed with pain an discomfort. So many times when we have bad times we just want to hide away and not see anyone.

    For me, since its almost a lifetime situation with me, I always remember those that have helped me during the rougher times, especially my wife.

    When I've been down and out for whatever spinal issue, she always picked up for me. Besides her full time job, she took care of the house, inside and outside and additionally being my nurse and companion.

    When I think about that, I just always want to do something to show my appreciation.

    So, while I may be physically limited to an extent, I can do so many other things. Cleaning the house, making shopping lists, taking care of bills, making all the dinners, etc Those things may not be a lot but I think if we can do anything to take some workload and stress off of others thats a big help.

    Lastly, I always try to come here and help someone. Knowing that I can reach some folks here , to me, is just one way I can try to give help and care.



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  • to those whom were selfless. I guess we may model a part of our personality from such actions. Your doing an absolute good in taking care of your dad n mom, and absolutly should you rest easy at night!

    Take care of yourself if and when you can I think is the lesson we can all take with us, I forget that occasionally when duty calls.
    Ranch
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • wish I could keep all the hurt inside that thing, lock it and throw the key AWAY!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Wonder if were on the same creek, and if were going to sqab over that lone paddle I saw go by...

    Family here has been no help, I dont ask, for much, if at all, and it seems as if every request must be weighed, measured and tallied to the last measure.

    But when they need my help it seems that I am totally indespensable, and heaven forbid if ime too much in pain. so ya its a struggle.

    good luck to you these hard days and hang in there Mama, your needed!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I guess we have to be our own support systems at times, and thankfully some have outside help.

    It gets harder to give when thats all we do and dont get anything back, I wonder where some of the patience comes from.

    Be well
    Ranch
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • It is hard sometimes, but I put on my best smile and help my son with whatever he needs. He had foot surgery yesterday and tho all I wanted to do was crash on the couch, I took care of him pretty well. I hide a lot. It seems to be the best way. Don't want everyone seeing who I really am for the most part. Guess that is my way of dealing, push thru it and do what you gotta do - no matter what. There are times my daughter drops by with my grandson, and I love them both to pieces but after working all day I am just thinking, Oh God, not tonight. But, when they walk thru the door, I am smiling, hugging on them and offering them some chow or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I adore them all, it is hard to always be available but I just do it and that's it. Other peeps however can bite me. LOL! I'm talking about the kids here - they will always come first!
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