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4yr post op fusion

Hi all, I'm Alicia and as my user name states I am still dreaming.
27 days after I turned 18 my life changed forever. I rolled my Jeep and my body bent over my seat causing compressiong fractures at thoracic and upper lumbar levels. A week in the hospital and I left with some new hardware and a brand new mentality. I was no longer invincible...I became a fighter well aware of my weakness and strengths.
Im 22 now. Four years have done a lot to me...for me.
Pain is an interesting may to measure time because it makes life seem faster, and slower all at once. Its like...time seems to pass you by like you're just surviving but then again its dragging because the pain is there all the time.
Some days are better than others but sometimes I just think some days I;m STRONGER than others....
But then I think..."...I'm going to feel like this forever..." and four years of constant pain seems like an eternity again.



-Alicia C.
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Comments

  • I'm 52 and have been in chronic pain since 1985 when I was in 2 whiplash car accidents 28 days apart from each other (neither my fault). So far I've had 4 lumbar ops (3 fusions & one hardware removal) & one cervical.
    I dream everyday, it's what keeps me going even if all I can do is pop pills and recline on my heating pad in front of the tube.
    A good day (like today, actually a great day as i'm actually back here actually typing at my computer!) i'll manage to do laundry & vacuum the house! I'll pay for it dearly the next few days where i'll hopefully do the same thing all over again.
    No-ones invulnerable (except me once the meds actually tuck the breakthrough pain all comfy-like into a warm blanket & it hopefully goes to sleep for a few hours & leaves me be!).
    Dealing with pain is a very crappy way to measure time - whats on tv while you can't move - how many hours until I can go to bed - how many hours after I go to be until I fall asleep or how many times will I wake up again in the middle of the night tonight compared to last night?
    Time becomes a crummy reminder indeed...;>)
    And don't worry, you won't feel like this forever, it'll get worse - but the dreaming will never stop...;>)
    And as you get older & you hear someone talk about their pain, "ooh, I stepped on a nail or I broke my leg..." you can smile quietly to yourself and tell them about real pain...;>)
    Measure your time in the little (or big) victories you achieve each day, no matter how small they are (getting outta bed each morning counts as a BIG victory!!!)
  • sorry to hear your story....don't lose hope...keep fighting.....you sound like you are doing your best to stay out of depression. Keep fighting....I personally don't believe this life is the be all and end all of things.

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