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Feeling alone

Hi Guys...I dont know why i feel im posting this..I feel so alone.I have a good family , dont get me wrong i just feel that they dont really understand how sad and depressing im feeling with this pain.
Cut along story short 3 surgeries i have L4-5/S1 disc problems and have just had another MRI scan which showed centrel disc bulge # wonderful :( I am going to have some epidruals in a couple of weeks had them before... I dont know seems just a wait and see thing.I feel if i mention the pain im in or i am struggling walking cos i do have a foot drop also everything is an effort but no one seems to notice.
I just want to cry right now,
Thank you who ever reads this for taking the time.
xxxx
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13

Comments

  • Tired of the painTTired of the pain Posts: 195
    edited 03/30/2014 - 12:56 PM
    We all have been there or are there right now and this is a safe place to vent. Are you getting any antidepressants? It can help. I am on Cymbalta which has an extra added bonus of some reduction in pain.you can ask your pain management doctor or your primary physician about something to help with your depression. No one who has not been throu chronic pain really understands what we go through every day. Don't let anyone make you feel weak or wimpy if you are depressed. It is a struggle and I get angry and frustrated as well. My husband tries very hard to understand but he can't deal with it when I get in a crying fit because I feel hopeless. So I come here and find others who understand.
  • I struggle with these feelings too. You're not alone, we're all here for each other. This can be a very lonely road that were on. We didn't choose it, we are cursed by genetics or fate & it's not fair! Chronic pain sucks! You have every right to feel angry, frustrated or just plain sad & lost. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel these things. Sometimes it does us good to cry or scream!! Get it out, then try to move on. I know that getting depressed & feeling sorry for myself just makes everything, especially my pain feel so much worse but that doesn't mean I can always stop my mind from gong there.

    I know it's pittyful but sometimes I wish I had huge, visible scars or even a flashing, day glow sign above my head! Something, ANYTHING, that people could see & know what I'm going through. Like you I have a fantastic family & lovely friends. They really try to understand but this bloody pain thing just goes on & on. If I'd experienced a terrible accident they would of all rallied around, smothering me with kindness & support, taking over those daily tasks that cause me so much pain, listening as I shared my pains & fears. Mine is a story of slow degeneration. Year after year of increasingly crippling pain & even saints would have difficulty supporting my never ending tragic existence. They all have their own lives & I wouldn't want them to put them on hold to prop me up so I force myself to remember I have my own life too!

    I try my best (& it's frequently a daily struggle) to push my pain out of view. It's always there but I'm exhausted by trying to focus through a dark veil of pain. I've got little kids so if I'm not feeling it, I have to fake it for them & I've realized that the longer I fake it the more real it becomes. The more I focus on my life, my family, hobbies & fun the more the pain starts to recede. It's still very much there but I'm no longer obsessing like I used to. I remember 'watching' a great movie with my husband. I'd wanted to see it for ages but had to wait for it to be available to rent..no chance of sitting in the cinema for 2 hours! Anyway..I lay on the sofa with my brain screaming "PAIN", thinking about how I was going to describe my pain at my next appointment, lamenting my losses, etc. etc. until the film ended. I hadn't actually watched a moment of it. That was my life. I wasn't present in my life for anything. My life had become pain, unrelenting pain. I had no choice, I had to force myself to change, I couldn't live like that forever & ending my life isn't an option for me.

    Sometimes we have to hit that really low point before we can bounce back-up again & again & again! I'm in a pretty good place at the moment. My pain is reasonably well managed by all of the different things I do. We all have our 'blend' that allows us to carry on. I don't have any major new issues with treatment looming. I'm managing not to stress about the future unknown stuff, when it comes it comes & I'll deal with it again..& again because that's what we do! I know that yet another bit of me going wrong will set me back but hopefully I'll bounce back faster each time. All this experience has to teach us something, doesn't it? ;-)

    I'm sorry you're at such a low point. You're feeling the weight of it all right now...don't you just hate 'those' times? I hope that this one doesn't last too long for you (remember to ask for help if it does) I hope tomorrow brings a great distraction or at least a little sunshine to break through the clouds. It will pass & all we can hope for is a good run of sunny days before the doom clouds start to gather again. Chin-up & remember even if we can't control our pain or our stupid spines we can control how we live with it. ;-)

    I'm here to chat if you need it.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • Thanks English Girl, I feel your words were written for me too.
    Jenny 40, you're not alone. We may feel lonely, but at least we can come here. I find reading everyone's stories here distracts me from my pain.
    Keep smiling.
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
  • I am on anti depressents already I use this as well as a variety of Pain medication, I do have a good GP .Its hard to get a quick hospital appointment where i live as everything taks so so long. I do not have private health care just our NHS and waiting list are so so long.I just get so down with it all, the struggle the tiredness,I do hope i do find some comfort on this site cos the way i feel now is horribe.
    Tired of the pain said:
    We all have been there or are there right now and this is a safe place to vent. Are you getting any antidepressants? It can help. I am on Cymbalta which has an extra added bonus of some reduction in pain.you can ask your pain management doctor or your primary physician about something to help with your depression. No one who has not been throu chronic pain really understands what we go through every day. Don't let anyone make you feel weak or wimpy if you are depressed. It is a struggle and I get angry and frustrated as well. My husband tries very hard to understand but he can't deal with it when I get in a crying fit because I feel hopeless. So I come here and find others who understand.
  • [Thank you I hope i will im sure.quote=Hybridhattie]Thanks English Girl, I feel your words were written for me too.
    Jenny 40, you're not alone. We may feel lonely, but at least we can come here. I find reading everyone's stories here distracts me from my pain.
    Keep smiling.
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  • Thank you guys . i wil keep checking in
    take care all xxx
    jenny40
  • You are not alone! I was born with cerebral palsy and I am now in my 40's. I had my first orthopedic surgery at age 2 and plenty of surgeries after that, I have dealt with pain my whole life. What I realized is that the bad times come and they go. Often, the bad times do not go as quickly as I would like, but there are still plenty of happy moments and opportunities out there. It may not feel like it now, but you can get through these difficulties and there are lots of wonderful people to help you here and out there.
    Sometimes, just talking or posting like this can be a tremendous help. Silence does not equal bravery,
    Calm Seas
  • calm seas said:
    Hello thank you I am really trying . Nice to know that we can vent our problems and can relate to people on here.
    are not alone! I was born with cerebral palsy and I am now in my 40's. I had my first orthopedic surgery at age 2 and plenty of surgeries after that, I have dealt with pain my whole life. What I realized is that the bad times come and they go. Often, the bad times do not go as quickly as I would like, but there are still plenty of happy moments and opportunities out there. It may not feel like it now, but you can get through these difficulties and there are lots of wonderful people to help you here and out there.
    Sometimes, just talking or posting like this can be a tremendous help. Silence does not equal bravery,
  • Lmr106LLmr106 Posts: 117
    edited 04/07/2014 - 6:59 PM
    I can definitely relate to the feeling alone. Even though I have a wonderful husband ,friends, and family no one has had chronic pain issues like I have. My husband also feels very helpless when he sees me in pain and especially when I have what I call a pain attack, which means pain so extreme I can't stop crying. So far only he has seen me like that... And I don't want anyone else to. I don't know if this goes along with silence doesn't equal bravery, but that is a very personal time for me. I think a lot of us feel alone because others cannot relate to what we're going through. I am 28 and none of my friends have any chronic health problems. They are good listeners, but like I said before they have not been through what I've been through. Sometimes I feel alone even on here, because I've had such a rare experience. I try to remember that nobody's experiences are ever going to be exactly the same. I am so glad I found this website, because I can learn from other's experiences. However it is difficult for me to turn off that automatic voice in my head that is telling me my experience is unlike any others. Does this happen to anyone else?
    2000- spinal fusion, complete spine due to scoliosis
    2012- pain began, started treatment for chronic pain
    2013- install of pain pump, procedures to address complications
    2014-blood patch, spinal fluid leak
  • We all feel like or experience is so unique and no one can understand, but regardless of your medical condition, we all go through some similar feelings about it. I noticed you posted on the stages of grief and that is something we all relate to. We all have fears about our future. We all search for hope regardless of what we tell ourselves. We hide so much of our pain and depression because we don't want to bring people down or share our business, or watch their frustration or cause them emotional pain. Regardless of the reason, it isolates us and does nothing to make the pain go away or increase the quality of life.you are among those who can understand and most of us can handle it and will believe you. Welcome, we try to help, sometimes we do. If you haven't read the rules yet, make sure you do. I am up at 1:28 am my time due to pain disrupting sleep.something else we understand. Hope you have a good night.
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