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  • Its the inborn strength that may be her worst asset
    she may stubbornly hang on when she needs to let go
    I me going to talk with her and tell her its ok not to have to fight
    its ok to rest and let go
    let God and nature take its alloted time

    Ime hoping the Angel comes gently and surely as the breaking day, and that he takes her home to dad swiftly as a homesick Angel.
    Thank you from my heart for caring.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • dilauroddilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,648
    Hospice is a place where your Mom will be well taken care of. It may not of have been her choice, perhaps just waiting to stay at home. There are two sides to this.

    When my father was failing for the last time, his one wish was not to be sent again to a hospital or any care center, he wanted to stay at home. He last 5 days, but I was able to spend hours with him each day, all of his grandchildren were there to talk to him. It was a gift for him.

    Hospice provides a caring approach to everything they do. I have yet to hear a bad word about hospice. They can provide for things that we can't always do.

    No matter what, when our parents get to that age, its never easy, not matter how old or sick they are. Letting go of a parent is not easy. Someday our children will be in the same position. When I am ready to go, I want them to be with me as much as possible.

    Death is not a word we like to talk about. But it is so natural For many it represents something new. Its not a religious thing , but more spiritual and natural.

    Ranch, when its time for your mom to go, so will go see your dad and she will always know the love you had for her.
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  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 3,850
    edited 08/14/2014 - 7:56 AM
    Dad was here at home for his last days, and the care provided, the open lines of communication 24-7 the nursing staff, everyone was here when he passed on.
    We have Mom here
    her diminishing as the process of dying is a hurtful thing to us. she isnt suffering to awful ad as she has meds and care 24 hrs by my sister and I, and the wonderful nurses

    we have talked and will continue to do so, but i get the hard questions,
    why is this happening
    what is happening
    and then the look in her eyes

    she is ready to go i think, yet there is the fear of the dark walk before the dawn
    Tolstoy, wrote of the process of dying in a novel, and it has helped largely due to his faithful and factual observation

    I have faced the Angel a few times in my career and life, so i have a different perspective on death and dying.
    my family, whove lived a closed and smaller life seem to fear it more
    There should be no fear of dying
    a natural act, and a mercy at times, i think its the act of moving away from us, the taking away of the essential"them" the life inside, the acts and soul that we will miss

    I mentioned to someone that I need to sit awhile and talk with her, and tell her its ok to let go
    to go ahead and rest as much as she wants and to sleep as she will
    it will be a mercy if the Gentle Angel comes in her sleep.

    i think the fear of suffering, the fear of pain is the core of the fear of death

    we live and suffer every day
    As John would say, in his bio
    pain is inevitable
    suffering is optional

    we live in pain every single day
    every hour of the day
    so i think we have a different perspective on life
    and death,

    all we can do is walk our walk as best we can
    she outlived her prognosis by a year and a half

    My Faith is carrying me through this dark valley, i really have no fear
    i will miss her immeasurably, but what makes her..her, the essential being will have left the vessel,

    there is a load of sorrow inside
    both of my chemistry and of the emotional load

    I told my buddy , of whome i mentioned as of having his Beloved 'OMA" whose passage into the next life i described
    of the shared sorrow, that i need to go away after this
    out of the states i think and walk off the sorrow
    he wants to go to Vegas..
    he has a sister there and wants to go and see the lights
    he cant drive too much any more as he cant see too well and other issues
    and i describe the passing country, the miles flowing by , hour after hour in a mind easing numbness

    I rather have solitude to sort the stages out, the shear physicality of the walk will balm the pain

    here i sit
    in the steps leading to the dark watch

    soon she will dance on the river of stars
    soon the old worn and faithful body will be set aside

    soon she will pluck and pluck the silver apples of the moon and the golden apples of the sun

    while we will bear the burden of heavy soul

    her practice wings, worn and tatters by the years, will be set aside with ease
    soon Amazing Grace will fill her with Joy
    we are born creatures of light
    creatures of Joy
    so the sorrow in between is a price to pay for such gifts

    would you trade one moment, one tiny moment of joy, for a lifetime of sorrow


    the echoing roaring void inside is too much to bear right now

    this is my crown of shattered glass in my kingdom of razors
    i can name each bloody shard by name
    i can walk my kingdom whole
    for i have been bent and broken by time and tide
    and i can see the Glory on the other side
    but it is for me to stay the course, to not vary in my Faith, Hope and Love
    for in return i will trade this da.ned kingdom for one of Glory

    so let the void come
    let the blackness of the void howl and rail against the light
    for we have paid our price in hell
    and glories in our sight

    the pain will be replaced by peace

    Thank you Mr. Ron
    William Garza

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 3,850
    edited 08/14/2014 - 11:22 AM
    we are living each day as it should be, celebrating life and a wee dram of laughter
    its a slightly better day for family.
    mom sat up in bed and reached out as if a drowning person, once i sat close she calmed and became less agitated, we exercised her legs a little and she calmed a little more

    so it is up to us, my fellow spiney, to live up to the fullest potential of life, while there is still life to celebrate within
    in these moments, who would not want to be in our shoes?

    we few, we lucky few, who can call such brethren their own?
    who can stand in our light and not be affected by such brilliant stars, each and every one
    tell me?
    who would not like to be standing aside us... this day ?
    who would brave the fires in our breast, to burn with life and not a-cinder?

    whose song, wilting in breast of mortal flesh, would not raise fresh the hue and cry of freedom!
    at least
    a spirit set upon yon swift tide
    to join the sea anew...

    out of the billions of souls, blessed we few
    to call brother, sister, come hence, come truly anew

    what rough brethren, marching home to Jerusalem
    a reckoning, at last
    a price unpaid
    a price come due

    to find
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • My Pole Star is fading
    she is in a Hospice provider run ahh Hospice-pital?
    she is sleeping for now, the pain killers are working as she is falling away
    It is only a matter of this moment to the next, every breath, every second a blessing
    as it should be.

    Pole stars fade as we go on with our road in life
    each and everyone, precious and un permanent
    and they fade away one by one

    so what is left for us... is to become either a pole star ourselves
    forever walk in darkness

    the seconds tick away in the darkwatch
    the countdown until the last of life and light fades from sight
    and before us is the tiller
    sail on into darkness, between darkness is the sun
    at play in the fields of God, evergreen and never seen
    until the fading light

    Ime going to miss her
    so i will wait with her
    and together we will welcome the Gentle Angel
    one for the flight home
    and one to stay

    Be blessed
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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  • Sending prayers your way. You're doing the very best you can for your Mum. I'm sure she knows that.
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 3,850
    edited 08/18/2014 - 9:42 AM
    Mom went home at 2;20 this afternoon
    at 84 she had a good run and missed dad ever so much

    I am Tired
    each and everyone
    Be Blessed
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • William, I'm not very good with words but I'm so sorry for your loss. you were so strong for your Mum. The angels were waiting with open arms to welcome her.
    There are some great people here on Spine Health who will help you through the tough times.
    Be kind to yourself now.
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
  • words are to rough a road right now, she was taken as gently and quietly as could be. The Ange came and took her hand and led her home.everybody was around. thank you again
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Dear Ranchhand, those of us who followed this sad but beautifully described journey sending you our deepest sympathy. You have been a great son and comfort to your dear mother and that knowledge should give you comfort. Accept you spiney pals sympathy.
    Now it is time to take care of yourself. Take that trip with you buddy, but let us know periodically how you are doing.


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