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Ready to give up.

mccoymmccoy Posts: 10
edited 09/28/2014 - 11:09 PM in Depression and Coping
Hi. I am 29 years old and have had back pain since I was 14. For the first 8 years the pain was really just a dull ache in my lower back and was relieved with a little rest and some ibprofen. Well by the time I was 22 it started getting worse but would come and go. It would start hurting and be very painful but again with some pain meds and a day or 2 of rest I would be ok. Well about 5 years later the pain was getting worse. Through the years between 20 and up til now when I would have a bad episode I would go to the er. But they always told me I pulled a muscle and sent me home. Well now about 2 and a half months ago it started bothering me for no reason. And it kept getting worse. If I would even try to shift positions or move my legs I would get this horriffic excrutiating pain in my lower back that was like nothing I have ever felt before. So I finaly went to the er. I was admitted because my bp was also very high. Well I found out that they had done an mri on me 6 years ago that showed a herniated disc in my lower back L4-L5. Well I remember them doing that mri but they also released me that day saying I had a pulled muscle. Never did they tell me I had a herniated disc. Well while I was in the hopsital this time they did another mri which they said I have a herniated disc in the same spot. (Probably the same one that I never took care of because I never knew about it.) Well I was released from the hospital and told to do physical therapy. I think that was crap. All they had me do was work a bike for 15 minutes then put me on the electric machine to shock my muscles for 20 minutes. Thats it. Well I was still in pain but was at least able to get around my house on my own. I could make myself a plate of food and get to the restroom and give myself a bath. Well now im back at square one. 2 nights ago I tried to get up and it hit me like a freight train. I now can not get up im am in constant chronic pain and if I move its excrutiating. I cant live like this. I dont know how people make it years in this pain. But I have never found anyone who has the same pain I have. I would really like any suggestions especialy if anyone has this same pain. Honestly im not too confident in the hospital I went to. They have almost let my father die twice. One time was just a month ago. They are not very attentive . Pleae help I am ready to give up. I have prayed to go to sleep and not wake up. I quit taking bp meds thinking maybe I will just have a heart attack and end it all. If I could find a doc to paralyze me from my waist down I would do it in a heartbeat. Please I feel helpless.


  • Hi

    I too have always had back issues on and off while growing up (I'm tall 6ft 2) which were probably mild herniated discs injuries which resolved within around 2 weeks.

    However similar to you I suffered from a major herniated discs when I was about 26/27 and this lasted nearly 2.5 years!

    However I'm now fully fit and I'm stronger than ever at age 36....

    Thinking back during my time of hell (worst time of my life), What I did was to let it heal on it's own. Yes this took a long time as it was very easy to re-injure or feel pain from certain movements. I went to see phisyo initially every week but the relief was short term. I remember I stopped doing the things that kept aggravating it, i.e. I changed my office chair to a kneeling chair (this took the weight off my lower back totally - this really helped in healing). I also stopped sitting on soft sofas/couches as this would cause pain / re-injure it ....I also bought a firm mattress and binned my memory foam one and this helped.... I was also careful when applying heat or cold in case it was inflamed...

    Once I was able to manage the pain I started doing the superman exercise.... thereafter I started to build things up slowly trying other strengthening exercises. To this day, I do my strengthening exercises at least once a week or once every 2 weeks now ... I could go on for ages to be honest.... but can I ask, do you sit on soft surfaces? I.e. a couch/sofa and does it hurt?
    A former back pain sufferer. Suffered for nearly 3 years. Now fully fit and stronger than ever based on self education. Want to help others where possible...
  • Your post breaks my heart. Please don't give up so soon. Take you're MRI to different doctors for more opinions.
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  • I'm 22, I have degenerative disc disease. It's taken them 13 years to finally diagnose that. Every disc in my spine except two is badly damaged. I have been in a wheelchair since I was 10, and only managed to teach myself to walk again two years ago. I suffer immense pain every second of every day. I feel so alone in what I'm going through. I just want to talk to someone who understands my pain and what I go through every single day, and have been told I will be like this and progressively get worse until the end. I'm scared
  • Hi Ashliee. I was diagnosed with hereditory osteoarthritis when I was a young teenager. I'm lucky, I got through my 20's without it really impacting my life too much. Since my 30's the degeneration has been progressing at a terrifying pace. I've got married, had 2 kids, even emigrated to America! I'm in pain, like you, every moment of everyday but I love my life! (I frequently forget that! Writing to people here & chatting with spiney friends reminds me that it's still a life, my life & it's not all doom & gloom). I hate the isolation but I remind myself that I'm not alone. It's just a cruel trick that chronic pain plays. It's true that no-one who hasn't hobbled a mile in our shoes can truly understand but we're all very different with different life experiences. Can anyone really understand another? Those who really love us try though & we try to understand them. That's what relationships are all about.

    What specialists are you seeing? Have you been with the same docs for a long time? Often a new pair of eyes & a new approach can make all the difference! I accept that I will be in pain for the rest of my life but that doesn't stop me attacking it in any way I can think of. I use both medical & natural approaches to chip away at the pain. I have to confess I'm still an emotional roller-coaster...what gos up must come down, right? Ha ha ha. I just wish the lows weren't so bloody low & the highs would last a little longer but I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all?

    I look forward to getting to know you. You can send me a PM (private message) anytime you want to chat or just vent. See you around on the forums!
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • Hey sorry it has took so long to get back.

    To the question asking if I sit on soft seats. No I dont. I actualy dont really sit at all. If I do its in my kitchen chair for five minutes max. I spend my day either lying down or standing up. I am confined to my bed really. I cant walk any further than to my bathroom and back. My husband takes care of me. I try to stretch a little but I really cant do much since even trying to just stretch my legs and arms while in bed still agitates it. Im really trying to keep my self from being so depressed and I want to heal myself since right now going to another doctor is out of the question. I am unable to work now so my husband is the sole provider and we are struggling just to get by. I can not even get help through medicaid because I dont have kids. They wont even give me foodatamps temporarily to help .Even though right now we can not afford to go buy food and I am depending on my father who is ill to bring us food. A few months ago we were doing great both making good money and now its like we have lost it all and im really struggling to keep my sanity. I have prayed a lot lately and I truly believe that god can help me heal and get through this. And if I didnt have the most amazing husband to support me. He works 12 hours a day and comes home and makes me food and cleans up the house and helps me take a bath. He spends his day off cleaning and washing all the bedding and playing with the dog that gets no attention all week. Even though its my dog and he really isnt a dog person. I am trying to focus on the good in my life but of course I just want to he pain free. I know im rambling sorry. Lol . Hopefully soon I will experience some relief . I dont want to go backwards again. Pray for me please. As I will for all of you.
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  • I have tried it all. And actualy I am doing better now than I was while doing pt. And I wasnt just staying in bed when it first happened. I was doing stretches and walking and I was going to visit friends and trying to ease my way back to a normal life and then it happened again out of no where. The pain I have is strange and even the doc doesn't know why its so painful. I can do something as simple as try to put my panties on and the pain hits me and I literally hit the floor in extreme pain. So doing all these stretches and exercises are out of the question. This has been happening off and on for about 5 years. But it was always about a week of pain and then I was fine for 3 or 4 months. But this time I tried to do what the doctor said and here I am almost 3 months later still in pain. So im gonna go back to the way I always handeled it and I will take that bad week 3 or 4 times a year. Its better than months and months of pain so bad I cant get up.
  • I have thought the same thing. I know herniated discs are painful but everyone I have talked to was still able to walk and do things. I think that the issue with me not being able to even stand up sometimea has to be something else but the doc doesnt seem to know what it is. Im waiting to get money to see a different doctor.
  • I think im starting to get better. Pain is nowhere near as bad as it was. I can walk and stand and move around as long as I am careful.
    Unfortunately I slipped the other day and fell on the hardwood flood. The way I fell my upper butt hit the floor so hard it was excruciatingly painful. I though I broke my tailbone. But it did not hurt my back at all so thats a good thing. But even my but is starting to feel better. I just bruised it pretty bad but im good.

    Sandi. If you know of any sare and easy stretches I can do to loosen up my muscles can you please let me know. Thanks.
  • Ok I am really tired of being disabled. I try to do things and I just get stiff and my legs get real shakey and my hands tremble. I havent had any bad spasms in a while thank god. But for instance Thanksgiving I went to my fathers. Only 2 miles down the road. He had a bed set up for me incase I needed to lay down and I did go lay down for short periods throughout theday. But I did spend most the day outside sitting on the porch or walkinog on the patio socializing. I was there atotal of about 6 hours. When I got home I could barely move and the next day I l couldnt even take my dog out because it was so stiff I could feel that weird tightening pressure in my back like it was fixing to spasm.

    Another example. 2 weeks ago I went to my mothers. 2 hours away. The car ride was ok. I have a luxury cadillac so smooth ride and comfy seats. I was ok that night. Just a little stiff by that night which I figured was from the car ride and when I arrived at my moms we spent about 3 hours chatting on the porch while my dog played outside. Well I went to bed and slept ok. Got up about 10 am and was actualy feeling ok. So we let the dogs play about an hour and then we got dressed to go into town for lunch. We arrived at the restaurant and we were seated and I told my mother and husband that the seat was uncomfortable and had no support (should have got a booth) well I made it through lunch and my mother wanted to take us to a new shopping strip. I walked in the store using a buggy for support and I didnt last 10 minutes. I had to rush to the car and get back to the house and lay down and take pain meds. I went home that night and it took me 2 days just to get back to being able to do things on my own.

    I am so tired of being secluded. Can anyone help me. Do you think I should try just using a wheel chair when I want to go to a store or a mall. If so any advice on ho2 to make the chair the most comfortable and supportive. Please I just want to have a life.

    And does anyone understand the pain I have. Like how if I walk sit or stand too long it gets tight and weird feeling like its fixing to lock up and spaz or pinch that nerve.. please please help.
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