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Hard to be us

kathyykkathyy Posts: 582
edited 05/31/2015 - 4:32 AM in Chronic Pain
Chronic pain causes your body to change in ways that you never, in your wildest dreams, thought would happen to you. Perhaps, like me, you were a runner and a fitness freak. Perhaps you were an everyday “joe” who just enjoyed life and had a family, friends or all. Maybe you were a loner but just supposed that you might not be alone one day. Then suddenly you wake up one morning and POOF, You are in severe pain. You go to the docs. They tell you what to do. They tell you that you must have surgery or you will never walk again. These are not bad guys, they are trained to “tell it like it is.” So the next thing is that you wake up from surgery and the Chronic pain is not just debilitating . It is isolating. Suddenly you have this thing going nurses are scrambling to give you more pints of blood. Things “didn’t go well and you had a huge tumor” that we didn’t think of. Or we thought a 4 level fusion would help but damn, “sucks to be you.”

So fast forward to 6 or 7 years and you discover that your lower back (after a spinal cord stimulator) isn’t really the problem .It’s the drunk who hit your car when you were sitting “shotgun” and you suffered a severe whiplash when you were 15. Now you wake up after fighting pain and (PS. Stopped taking all narcotics just to be taken seriously – 2 months of withdawals.)” and here I am. I am losing my voice and have trouble with my hands. Osteophytes. Damn.

None of this really matters except I know that I can’t really discuss this with my family or friends, most of which aren’t around anymore because I can’t “do” anything with them. Since I stopped taking “pain meds” I have to be very careful not to be too active or else I will have to rely on “narcotics – bad addict, bad addict!”

So back to my original premise…… . But we are still together and that is all that matters. Hang in there and keep sharing. We will all get through this together. K


  • I find myself being short tempered and just tired in every way. I'm hoping my surgery will go well but at the same time, I know I will not be the same person I used to be. Poof! gone....
  • PlumbTuckeredOutPlumbTuckeredOut Philadelphia, PAPosts: 324
    I know, everyone has "something" but like you, when I need a pity party day I take it! A few weeks ago I had my physical therapist tell me I needed a gratitude journal and a positive attitude. I am a SUPER POSITIVE person but I had mistakenly believed that PT was a safe place to admit to pain. Yes, that PT is no longer there.

    I had a really long week with little sleep. Today I slept until 4pm to catch up. Yup, sometimes sucks to be me and sometimes I just suck it up and move on. I'm pretty grateful for a place to scream, "Sucks to be Us!"

    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by...... (Robert Frost)
    I still don't know if I should have taken the one that said, "Caution! Dead End" (Me)
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  • You put this so perfectly! Well said!
  • "Sometimes the fate you suffer is so much worst than death" - Rise Against
  • always so positive and honest kathyy, thank you. ivy, myself and a whole slew of others are battling this ever so present thing called pain. good grief kath, do you remember the methadone clinic? they are making my life very difficult right now. as you know, finally got some trust from my surgeon, who typically does not write narcotics. I only told him, just get me to my sugery. so he prescribes oxycodone 5/325, 2 every 6 hrs. you and I both know this is not a big script, but does ea s e my pain. I am on 88 mg of methadone.. well, fast forward to refill; Dr at clinic says no, that she is wo rried about becoming addicted to these. I have said, I woudnt go back "there" for all the tea in china. I have taken my pills as directed a nd im pretty darn proud of myself. so you get the picture. I have taken these prescribed pills as directed by a DR! he is well aware that I am on m ethadone. ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh. finally got someone to trust me and here I am again. the clinic has called the surgeon several times and I am no sure that the surgeon thinks, I am one big pain in the behind!!!!!! why cant I be normal kath? so pre surgery apt tomorrow, I am presenting a non smoker (ok ive had a few) and desparate for surgery, NOT PILLS!. wish me luck and pray I be blessed. thanks kathy
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