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Lifted the baby now my back hurts

2 weeks post op today, and long story short I had to pick up our 20(about 25lbs)month old because unsupportive wife...now my back hurts..do I need to call my doctor?
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  • 2 weeks post op today, and long story short I had to pick up our 20(about 25lbs)month old because unsupportive wife...now my back hurts..do I need to call my doctor? I can point to the exact spot where the pain is now originating. At my post op yesterday the dr said everything's going great, I'm healing fantastic, and more specific that I needn't worry about the hardware, because it's secure and I'm not gonna break it or anything, but is straining the bone and tissue around the hardware a worry that I should have? Or is this pain just from doing a movement I shouldn't have and is going to pass? Or should I just call my doctor?

  • brokendiverbrokendiver Posts: 33
    edited 04/27/2016 - 11:35 AM
    She knows exactly what I'm not supposed to be doing, and I'm going to call my dr regarding the pain. but at that moment i was asking her to take the baby down stairs so I could keep an eye on her so te wife could shower(which she had asked me to do). I asked her several times, she just stared at me...finally out of frustration I picked up the baby. Which she took from me after I picked her up...am I wrong in blaming my wife the pain I'm currently in?(which thanks to ice and my dear friend oxycodone is subsiding)
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  • Yeah, a little common sense and clear thinking on my part woulda saved me some pain, I wasn't thinking clearly though, I had literally just opened my eyes from my Valium induced sleep. I've been kicking myself all day over bone headedness
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,241
    I agree with Kimmy, above.
    And I'd like to add that it sounds somewhat abusive relationship..verbally and somewhat physical ..as you stated she took the baby out of your arms ...seemingly while still in anger.

    Everyones safety needs to be number one.
    Your baby needs to have consistent and constant, calming care...not literally in the middle of push pull with mommy and daddy.
    If that requires bringing mom back to the home to help out your wife...then that may help during your recovery and relationship crisis occurring at this time.

    Or to have someone else come to your home to help...or to hire child care.
    I don't know your financial situation, but you can't afford not to get your baby out of the middle of your chaos.

    Your health and recovery is also high priority. You can't risk the good work of surgery, your future spinal health.
    You went through a lot to get to surgery..recovery is just as hard of work.

    You asked if you're wrong in blaming your wife.
    It doesn't even matter at this stage. It seems priority for you to put a stop to the back and forth crazy making behaviors.

    You can still make decisions.

    Besides child care...maybe call a friend to help care for you and your post op needs around the house...
    a friend of yours, your friends wife for meals..or friends to drive to Doctor appointments, etc...
    since your wife seems unable to handle the extra pressure of the extra care and needs of the household.
    Maybe doctor and or hospital could recommend some help while at home...and drive to doctor appointments.

    After you are on the mend and more independent, you may want to go to counseling for you to learn how to manage with your wife's moods....and also, to be sure she is healthy..not post pardom depression..or other..
    Sadly, you all need assistance at the same time...but help is out there.
    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • There have been many red flags in regards to my wife and the likely hood she may be suffering(you could say I've been the one suffering from them though) from borderline personality as well as narcissistic personality disorder. I had been seeing a counselor(who suggested divorce a while ago actually, as it seemed to be the only way to stop the emotional/verbal/psychological abuse) to try and find ways to help me handle her. Let's just say that since the first surgery(and even before) things have been "bumpy", but the way things have been going I'd rather struggle to take care of myself than have her help, while she has her moments that are great, when she swings the other way it's hell. It's very taxing to have the person who is supposed to be helping you(not to mention your "soul mate") remind you hourly how hard it has been on them and how stressful it is for them etc, , as much as help is appreciated, I'd rather not have it than be reminded of it at every turn...Its a constant tight rope of when and what to say or do to try and maintain the good mood when she's in one, regardless of what I do the good always turns bad though. I've tried to get her to see a therapist many times, but have since given up and now just say as little as possible(it's like walking on eggshells all day everyday), which has actually been a successful tactic, since now(tomorrow actually) she is seeing a therapist(since she can't talk to me, she's gonna talk to someone(FINALLY). In any case my injuries and subsequent surgeries have very clearly shown that this marriage isn't going to last and as soon as I'm independent enough for us to do so we're divorcing. There's not enough space in this comment box to tell the whole story, but I have tried and tried to salvage our marriage(she'd say the opposite). To put it plainly my physical disability have shown her mental/emotional ones, and it's going to be better for everyone, including the little one for us not to be together. I know this isn't the forum for this, but talking(or typing) about it helps. I appreciate all the advice from everyone, and rest assured I'll be posting more updates on my recovery and progress. People say call your doctor with questions, but sometimes the answers you seek are from someone whose had the experience not performed the surgery. Oh, and as for the pain from lifting the baby, it has passed, and I'm right as rain now, It's just been told to me to NOT do that again(DUH lol) and keep an eye on my pain, and progress and make sure they keep going in the right direction. That..was a really long comment lol.
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  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,241
    It is very good to hear that you are okay and you did not injure yourself!

    Im very sorry for all you are going through.
    Many of us are aware of the difficulties of chronic pain putting a strain on....or ending..our relationships.
    Many of us have experienced the pain...and the disbelief ....of finding that a loved one is just not there when we need them.
    It can be overwhelming.

    Its good to hear your wife decided to see a therapist.
    No matter the future of your marriage, it seems good for all involved to be as healthy as possible...emotionally and physically.



    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • brokendiverbrokendiver Posts: 33
    edited 05/10/2016 - 3:31 AM
    she is seeing a therapist, but I know the therapist isn't getting the actual version of how things are, and I suspect(I'm actual fairly positive) that their sessions talk about how me and my daughter(who went to live with bio-mom, part for her to be closer to family(I'm navy) and part to appease my wife) are the problem and not her judging from what she says about the sessions when she gets home, and her reaction when I suggested I see the same therapist. Things have bery much passed a point of no return. Nothing's filed but we're getting a divorce. She complains about how "I do nothing" as she has been, despite me only being 3 weeks post op. But yeah, it's very much over. She is challenging my love for my children, I have my 20mo girl a kiss goodnight(I was going to bed, I couldn't fight anymore) and she said "stop pretending to like her". I told her to shut her [edit]mouth, don't ever say I don't love my kids, pack her [edit]and get out of my house as soon as possible.
  • brokendiverbrokendiver Posts: 33
    edited 05/10/2016 - 4:34 AM


    she is seeing a therapist, but I know the therapist isn't getting the actual version of how things are, and I suspect(I'm actual fairly positive) that their sessions talk about how me and my daughter(who went to live with bio-mom, part for her to be closer to family(I'm navy) and part to appease my wife) are the problem and not her judging from what she says about the sessions when she gets home, and her reaction when I suggested I see the same therapist. Things have bery much passed a point of no return. Nothing's filed but we're getting a divorce. She complains about how "I do nothing" as she has been, despite me only being 3 weeks post op. But yeah, it's very much over. She is challenging my love for my children, I have my 20mo girl a kiss goodnight(I was going to bed, I couldn't fight anymore) and she said "stop pretending to like her". I told her to shut her [edit] mouth, don't ever say I don't love my kids, pack her [edit] and get out of my house as soon as possible.

    I have been reading walking on eggshells, I feeling she is a definetly a candidate for BPD, but even more so narcicistic personality disorder. Neither of which am I going to learn cope with to enjoy "the good days".
  • And what's still mind blowing is that her major complaint is that she "is doing everything herself, cleaning taking care of the baby..". I have to keep telling her I her I had a major surgery a few weeks ago that I'm still recovering from..yet she maintains that im
    the selfish one of you can believe it. luckily I think that her desire for divorce too is going to make it easy. As for the baby, she isn't a bad mom, and I'm an active duty navy diver, so primary residence of the baby maybe is best to be with her and she has stated no will to keep the baby from me in anyway. I think we'll be able to work this out with out lawyers between us. We'll have 50/50 custody but the primary residence of the baby at least for now is best with her.
  • Very sorry to hear that. I can empathise, I did the same thing through sheer forgetfulness and paid the price for it for a week. Thought I had caused major damage but it settled.

    As for what you are going through, it's a real tough one. I felt a bit emotional after surgery and reacted badly to small things. At the same time, I felt / feel like it is seen as an annoyance, and if I ask for something to be picked up etc. I tend to get "why can't you do it!". My SO also went on a week holiday with friends the week after my surgery, and I just felt a bit put out by it, especially when I have helped when the situation has been reversed.

    It is tricky for the other person in a relationship, but I do think it also tells you a lot about the other person when you see how they react to you when you aren't fully able anymore. There's a definite feeling that they are disappointed by all the things you can't do anymore. I don't know.
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