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Dealing with judgmental people,pain and mobility

Hello Everyone 
I got injured almost 3 years ago going  to work.
I had a job for almost 25 years that I loved. 
Now I'm in school retraining and has been hard because people make all kind of demeaning coments and uncomfortable questions.
I walk with a cane due to problems with my legs due to nerve damage. I had  4  back surgeries and now I'm suffering from depression due to all this.
I have everything a man can dream about except good health. Some days  I wish my life be over.
I'm 48 years old not looking forward to the future. 

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1

Comments

  • Pedrovette96PPedrovette96 New England USAPosts: 13
    Thank you,I wish you the same. Health is everything absolutely.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 4,299
    Although depression often accompanies chronic pain, please don't accept it as normal.
    I referred myself to psychiatric care.

    There are therapists who specialize in depressing with chronic pain.
    But any kind of therapist can be helpful. I did talk therapy for awhile and finally came to terms with the new, albeit  more limited, me.
    I choose to continue with seeing psychiatrist for medication management as my antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, along with all I learned in therapy, have me feeling better than I have in my life!

    I may not have the same health I had before, but I'm still able/stable enough to contribute to others esp those I love!
    I still enjoy being engaged in the life ..activities of others, even if I'm unable to participate.

    Personally, I would refuse to let others dictate how I feel about myself. Some people will look upon others as different for some very silly reasons..our height, what we do,for a living, etc....
    I tend to think we are hardest on ourselves. I was anyway.

    I too use a cane and choose to think I make the cane look good! On occasions when I use a wheelchair, I choose to think I make that look good, too!

    It took me awhile, but it helped me when I found things I enjoyed doing within my limitations.

    As I went through years of depression, I am glad I continued to look for help to be the best I can be.
    One never know what the future holds. There's always a reason for hope.

    Hang in there!

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  • Pedrovette96PPedrovette96 New England USAPosts: 13
    Thank you, I been seen a phyciatrist 
  • Pedrovette96PPedrovette96 New England USAPosts: 13
    for depression as well.
  • SooveritSooverit Finger Lakes region of NYPosts: 397
    Hi pedrovette96,

    I'm sorry to hear you are so down. I know many, if not all, of us can relate. 

    Like you, I have a really great life- except for this pain and all the baggage it carries with it. Total wrecking ball. There's not one room in my house of life that hasn't been smashed into and left in a shambles. I have had thoughts of preferring to just stop this life if this is what it will be like, honestly. Thankfully, those are fleeting thoughts for me.

    May I ask what kinds of comments and questions you are getting?

    For me personally, if I'm self conscious about something, I tend to externalize that into my environment or project it onto the people I interact with. I see things through that lens....and everything I see and hear reinforces what I'm feeling inside. That might not make any sense :/

    I guess what I'm saying is, you might have a giant button that's easy to get pushed. Or maybe you just have the misfortune of being surrounded by jerks and shallow people. 

    What brings you happiness? Who is there for you? What makes you feel the worst?

    I'm sorry you are hurting. Chronic pain can be a very lonely and hopeless situation. This is a great place to be because the folks here really get it in ways no one else can.

    I hope you find all that you need to feel better and hang in there.

    Sara :) 
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  • I'm sorry you've encountered such insensitive people. You know, I've noticed in the past in school settings, students are just not as nice to older students in general, disabled or not. Since I've had my health issues, there seems to be no shortage of insensitive people. Of course, I am highly sensitized but the fact remains that they end up saying something that cuts me like a knife. I have an invisible illness, people would tell me how good I look all of the time. (Lol or at least they did--2 yrs in, the fatigue and pain is showing on my face) A "friend" called me a hypochondriac. Other friends in my spiritually-minded community would say things like "injuries are our greatest teachers" or assert that my pain is here for a reason to 'teach me something.' Yes, I used to believe, at least somewhat, that the universe has a plan before this happened to me. Oh, another friend, a holistic healer said that I had caused my trauma because I am  a worrier. Wtf?

     I had to quit a job that I loved, working as a full-time yoga instructor. Now I can't even practice yoga. Heck, I can't even walk without pain lately and I have debilitating vertigo and dizziness to boot. A family member asked if I wanted to go to a job fair. My own mom asked me if I could get a job doing something online, working from home. My eyes are blurry and I can't concentrate most of the time. I believe some people, though insensitive, just don't get it, they've never had pain or chronic symptoms on this scale. They get somewhat of a pass. But then there are people that I want to slap. Like when people blame you for your injury/ilness. I've had instances of rage, I've recently broken things in the house, I never ever did anything like that before. Part of it was the frustration of not having a diagnosis when my symptoms were rapidly progressing and I didn't know why or what to do. My body gets stroke-like symptoms on and off throughout the day. (I finally do have a diagnosis btw: reverse curve in cervical spine resulting in  tethered spinal cord.) I'm 33 years old, was very healthy and active, my husband and I wanted to start a family and I had to put everything on hold. I stopped being excited about the future, the scary symptoms literally made me feel like I would drop dead at any moment. It was cruel because I felt things had finally started to come together for me. My despair kind of ebbs and flows. I'm feeling worse than ever physically but hopeful as I've started treatment to correct my cervical spine and other back issues.  I find I need to stay away from social media because I feel like everyone else is moving on and I'm not. I had to let go of the attachment to my old life and focus on getting through the day. Easier said than done. I hope I can heal and rebuild my life but even  without permanent  nerve damage,  it would be so different from the life I had. And I suppose, that has to be ok. I'm so glad I found this forum withpeople who 'get' it. Sometimes the hardest part of all of this, aside from the debilitating symptoms, is the feeling of isolation and despair..... 
  •  Please don't let the ignorance of some people deter you from getting your education. I've seen people with all sorts of disabilities going to college in their wheelchairs, crutches, etc. You're going there for you and you don't deserve any gawking or snide remarks. Put them in their place if you have to. Is there a trusted guidance counselor you can confide in? Maybe they'll be able to help in some way. Believe me, professors appreciate the effort you're putting in and also that you have to work twice as hard to get anything done. Keep your head up and don't let anything stop you.
  • Pedrovette96PPedrovette96 New England USAPosts: 13
    The coments I get are hecklers making fun of my slow speech,my foot brace and the use of my cane.
    The questions are the why I own a home and a nice car and I'm not working currently. I feel the questions don't have good intentions.

    I constantly have to fight back with words, stating I worked 30 years, I went to school at the same time and was promoted 4 times.

    In a short way everthing I own and have I earn it  with hard work

    The feeling is awful I'm hurting every day constantly,my life has totally changed and I
    depression due to my  injury and lost my job of 25 years that I loved.

    Sometimes people are very judgmental, ruthless and suddenly they have a MD title.
    I don't why people can be like that. I tell my self everyday, don't matter how hard you get pouches ,moving forward with while getting pounched makes you a winner.

    I'm 8 weeks away from graduation from school again and then return back to work hopefully and start a second retirement.







  • Pedrovette96PPedrovette96 New England USAPosts: 13
    edited 08/12/2016 - 2:30 PM

    Pedrovette96 said:
    The coments I get are hecklers making fun of my slow speech,my foot brace and the use of my cane.
    The questions are the why I own a home and a car and I'm not working currently. I feel the questions don't have good intentions.

    I constantly have to fight back with words, stating I worked 30 years, I went to school at the same time and was promoted 4 times. I'm just trying to be kind and explain my self.

    In a short way everthing I own and have I earn was with hard work pulling 40 to 60 hours shifts.

    The feeling is awful I'm hurting every day constantly,my life has totally changed and I developed 
    depression due to my  injury and lossing my job of 25 years that I loved. I lost  everything that matters the most. 

    Sometimes people are very judgmental, ruthless and suddenly they have a MD titles and experts.

    I don't why people can be like that. I tell my self everyday, don't matter how hard you get hit ,moving forward while getting hit is the only way to make it  and not giving up life.

    I'm 8 weeks away from graduation from school again and then return back to work hopefully and start a second retirement.

    I wish people can see inside of  me, how much I'm hurting physically and emotionally








  • Bah
    Not worth your time.
    You know your exact worth and thats all that counts in the end
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