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Social support=0, nada

I read and hear all about having social support to help with all the things that happen is a very important part. Well what if you don't have any, no family, no friends( no that is not an exaggeration). Well I tried a few of these but found them worthless due to the strict rules. I even tried a meeting and conference call, both were disasters as they were all women. Men handle it differently and I was evicted  So what do you do when you really don't have any. I would just crawl into a bottle, but that would kill me real fast. The only support i get is from the aqua therapy people after 5 months I can walk about half the time. That just ended. Anyone got any ideas

 7YEARS S1-L4 BULGED,DRIED UP,HERNIATED

OSTEOARTHRITIS SACROILLIAC UP THROUGH ENTIRE SPINE

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13

Comments

  • LizLiz Posts: 2,255
    edited 07/23/2019 - 1:08 PM
    hello couchpotato
    please click on the links for useful information
    Welcome to Veritas Health Forum

    12 ways to cope with chronic pain and depression

    arthritis health

  • hayahhaya AustraliaPosts: 14
    It's sad the way people don't have time for chronic illness. But please know you aren't alone- there are a lot of us in your position 
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  • I am not a very good writer. I do not think my message was conveyed correctly. Social support at it's most basic form is having people that get your mind off your condition. The rest is extra. Let me ask one question. If all you have is an empty house only see a few people once a week for a few minutes. How can anything progress? Sorry, typing on a keyboard don't cut it. Think of that for awhile, locked in isolation, a debilitating condition, the condition will at best slow down in it's progression. How would you, or could you even handle it.
  • I have a proposal that may turn you off but hear me out. ;)
    Can you find a local church? Start going to classes they offer & you'll meet people & people who will be there for you more than just as a vent buddy that knows your pain. People who will go out with you & do things outside of the church & get your mind off the pain. If nothing else you at least gave it a shot. It's better than a bar.  ;P
  • SooveritSooverit Finger Lakes region of NYPosts: 397
    I don't know the extent of your mobility, but here's a suggestion: there's a website called meet up. You can enter your interests and it will show you a list of meet up groups that suit them. It could even be a chronic pain meet up. 

    Also, look up support groups in your local area. If you are homebound due to mobility issues, you could even host the meet up or support group in your home. 

    I'm sorry you are so isolated and alone. Even for those of us who have social supports, it can still feel very lonely and isolating...especially if those close to you don't really understand what you are going through. That's why this site has been so helpful for me, despite having many great social supports. 

    I hope you find your way to some social opportunities. They are out there, you just gotta reach out.

    Take care,
    Sara :) 
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  • Thank you all for the suggestions. Over the last seven years since the first injury I have tried most of the above. Talking about it makes me very angry, frustrated, disgusted. As far as not having a lot of friends before that is true. There was little time as I was a caregiver for my parents for 14 years with a 2hour commute one way when I could still work. Gradually they all disappeared. Regarding my physical condition it is constant, random in location, severity and level. I guess the worst is I can not plan any thing. I have passed the point where any medication works beyond dropping it to a six.

    Besides there is the "DUH" factor of how can I be even tolerable when I can never relax, or more to the point always clenching  my jaw, having to think about every movement. No one will tolerate that for very long.

    Lastly, after reading what I just wrote makes me sick, SOC,  incredible amount of whining, and considerable anger and disgust.

    Again thank you all for your replies. 

  • CouchPotato

    Some tough love here
    Respectfully..

    Get up abd try anyway
    Its gonna hurt..or not

    Anticipating
    Catastrophising
    Self loathing

    Itll burn you out
    It will make youregret wasted time where you could have been learning something new.

    Theres nothing wrong with your brain
    Your spirits beaten down
    And your body is broken..but not all are broken.

    Yes talking about it stinks
    But it gets it out of your system.
    Socialising is putting in..getting out.

    Your in a loop
    A self programing,self realising loop

    Stop thinking no one will listen
    Start being proactive in finding support from a wide range..your a whole person
    Different needs
    Different wants
    Different interests.

    If you narrow the,search, youll get increasingly narrow results

    Depresssion sucks
    Being in thrrall iof it is worse"why try"?

    Because your alive and have value.

    Respectfully.

    Try to climb out of that narrow view
    Tear that box open
    Breathe.

    Pain is one thing
    Suffering is another
    Depression binds those two in a bad combination.

    You have support now
    Act on it.

    Tell us more about who YOU are
    not who pain says you are
    Not who depression says you are

    Who..you are is on thing
    What you are is another
    Why..
    How
    When....Lets start there K?

    Your not alone
    We have folks who are shut in

    Who got up and walked out..once in a while for the memory of the sun.

    Pain is defining you
    You..should find the limits of what causes and when, then play around those rules.

    Pain isnt your king
    Suffering is fear of pain

    Learn, stop the fear.

    Respecrfully.

  • Couchpotato68,I TOTALLY  relate to the feelings. I was just there this weekend. My family scoffs at me with my pain. My brother just doesn't get it. Doesn't believe me I guess. The pain can sneak in fast & steal my joy. I've allowed it to many times. I become resentful & angry. I tend to talk about it along when I'm with people. I think it's due to the fact I'm always feeling it & I want the to understand. They don't see a broken bone or blood so I look fine. Then when you can't keep up or do the same fun things you could before,they tend to not invite you or stop calling. It hurts. 
    I thought they were my friends. I guess in the end I feel better if they don't come around if they feel that way about me. I want to be surrounded by people who truly care & love me.

    I hope you can find a way to get out & meet some people near you. I know we aren't the same but we are here for you. 
  • Yes Pain defines and controls EVERTHING I DO!!!

    I was on this site years ago. The was.a person who was very defiant and constantly claimed " I own the pain". Well turns out the meds controlled it.

    There have been times when i was in the hospital the pain was 0. During that time i was me again. However I am so tolrant they had to increase the IV dosage every day to keep my BP and pulse down.

    I am in a catch 22. The more active I am the LESS THE PAIN THEN. When I stop moving it sets in at night. 20min of very light aqua therapy puts me beddridden for 6-7days. So at best 1-2hours of running errands is all I can handle


    Thank you all for the help but it seems like it's doing more harm than good. I will take it up with my doc to increase the cimbalta

  • anger, frustration and self loathing all need to be worked through. It is part of the process of acceptance and you are doing that and now doing more by acknowledging it by telling us about it. Well done for that, it's a hard road but walkable.

    I found myself in a situation a couple of years ago, very isolated without siblings or parents around me due to a move out of area. When you are at rock bottom that is a terrible place to be so I had to dig deep.

    I made a contact through aqua therapy and now have a new friend in the area and several out of area from past employment and lots of contact on this forum now which helps hugely.

    My pain has not improved, in fact it has got a lot worse but I feel better due to knowing I have support and offer support, in person and from a distance.

    Please keep sharing with us, your inner thoughts and feelings as you will begin to see, others have suffered, are suffering and more will suffer but we can help each other at different times.

    I totally understand the more active, the less pain followed by awful nights. Tonight has been one of those for me. If you have any tips to help me I would be grateful to learn some new ways to deal with it.
    AJ
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