Strange intro i know, but i swear if i have one more doctor or other "holistic" person tell me i just need to meditate, i'm honestly going to launch their own head at them. My background is a motorcycle accident that nearly took off my leg. Distal femur break, the leg was in 3 pieces, heel torn off... i never blacked out because the fates deemed it was ok for me to be conscious for every super painful event. They found me trying to put my leg and foot back on. After a couple of hours the amazing surgeons at ER re-attached my leg after finding a pulse in my ankle. They asked me before going under if i had any questions. I said yes, 2: are you finally going to knock me  out, and WHERE is george clooney?" Er got a good laugh at that one.
That was many years ago. They told me i'd never walk again but i'd keep my leg. I"m not only walking, but after 6 years of physical therapy i even ride a motorcycle again. What you don't know after getting fixed from an accident, is that the aftermath may lead to some other things. It took a few years, but then one day i thought i had the flu, and my skin felt like it was burning and then every joint felt like it was being wrenched sideways. Fibromyalgia. I won't even bother to tell my fellow pain sufferers about the depression. Because nothing makes you feel more awful than being useless to your family. I went though stages where I thought i'd conquered it only to fine myself soaring back into hard hard feelings of despair and loneliness.
Everyone will say, "oh but you're getting better" and i always responded, "yes i'm getting much bitter." They never heard the difference. So, on those nights when I want nothing more than to not ever wake up, a smaller voice than i own says: "i'm here, i'm here, i'm here, don't forget me."
So i try to be good to that small voice and attach with incredulous devotion the will to wake up every few nightmares an
Comment edited by Liz, Spine-health Moderator