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Can I Cry Please? My life is getting....

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,000
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:21 AM in Depression and Coping
Please help me I'm getting sick of my life. :''( Here my story...
I work for a kroger company and they are trying to get rid of me and I'm back out on medical leave.

I had fell in the produce dept. While getting onions out of a shopping cart and when I bent back down I couldn't get back up. I fell on the floor while screaming for the manager to come. I was told he had to fill out an first response report and make copies, while I'm in pain he asked me can I work or do I need to go too the hosptial. I told him duh :jawdrop: I need to go to the ER room I can't move you dummy!!! :O He called 911 which didn't take long fire station is right in front of our store, I sat in a chair waiting. I had other employees come up to me and asked what happen, I told them they all think I done it on purpose and I wanted to go home. This all happened around 9am on a Monday morning and I was sent to the ER at 11am while waiting for my work to send off first response report.
They said it would take a whle until I could see an WC doctor. Yeah it took them a week before I could see an WC doctor.
I found out I had an Herinated Disc at L-5 and S-1 and a pinched nerve on top of that. I had all the shots I can get and nothing takes my pain away! I had 6 shots of ESI, I had 2 shots of SI and FJI, Trigger Injections, Pain Blocks, and I can't stand it.

Back at work all the employees look at me with dump founded looks like what is she doing here. They don't talk with anymore like they use to. Most of them are thinking wow she can work but she's on WC and collection lots of money, but that's not true I'm not collection money and it is not large sums of money. I'm getting some money but not enough to pay my bills. All the appts and visits, meds, shots, anything is paid by Workers comp.

Now, I'm out of work with my left hand. I just recently had surgery to clean my bones and ligments which was torn. At this moment I can type, pick up medium things, carry stuff, but I can't pull, bend my wrist, or push anything with it yet. My boss said I couldn't come back to work unless I'm 100% better. lol I asked him could I do something else in the store he told me no and go home! End of story he says, but I noticed their was another employee working with her arm in a cast, she was working why couldn't I? Our Store Manager is a jerk!!! I would say Dumm *ss I can do that can't I?
I hate living my life! ~X( I get up in pain, stay in pain all day can't figure out what pain meds work and how much can I take to make the pain go away? I've taken two Neurontin and I still have pain in my back, but I feel so stupid because I'm taken all of this medication and I'm young. Why me? I cry all the time while I'm by myself so folks don't know. I'm not able to get housework done or do the simplelist things.

Well I'm sorry I wrote so much.

I just need someone to talk to who is in the same place as I?
Misty :H



  • Listening to your story pulls the strings in my heart. I am soooo sorry to hear this horrible story of yours...mostly...I am sorry you are in so much pain.
    @!#@#*&^ that has happened to me. I know its hard to beleive, but I do know how you feel. You feel like an absolute useless piece of crap...why?.?.? because other people treat you that way...most people have never been in your position and don't have a clue on how to even cope with dealing with your situation.
    No one on the face of this earth ever wants to experience accidents like this that leaves you feeling all alone.

    Just remember I am here for you and I have been there in sooo much pain and looked down on like "I wanted this to happen" man oh man...I just do not understand how people think. I have learned...thet actually don't think...they just react.

    Keep your head up and know you are not alone. May God Bless you ALWAYS!!!
  • I can relate to you. Last night I was in so much pain and crying and thinking that this nerve burn on Fri. better work. I am 48 as of Jan and think of what I will feel like in years to come. My friends do not understand at all. They think oh what is the big deal. Nobody can understand the pain but us. You have to be there really. I had way to to many shots by differnt Dr's now stuck with this new one and just hope I get relief on Fri. I have a job that requires me to lift and bend all day and this is not good but, the only thing I have done to make money to support me and my home. My medical co-pays are big and goosh I can go on and on. I think why me to much. I do not want to go to a Dr. to talk about my feeling because I am in the nursing field and do not want something like this on my record so I am -------!! I know their are good days and bad one and than the really bad days it is very tuff. I wish you luck and hang in their. :)
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  • :)) thanks guys I hear your stories and it makes me feel like I know that I need to keep going on about my life but when you have those bad days I want to sit or lay on the bed and cry, I think that makes me feel better when I'm done. My pillow might be soaked but I can put it in the washer. :)) I just took my Neurontin the dr gave me two days ago to try to see if my nerves in my butt/hip area is the problem.

    When I try to stretch my back, you know like make yourself taller like I get the huge pain that runs down my left leg and hits my toes like a hammer fell on them. And it hurts like @*##, but when I release my back and shrink I don't hurt as much. Then I get all lightheaded and all. Oh I felt like that before I took Neurontin.
    On Monday my blood pressure was 150/95. He asked me do you have high blood pressure I told him since I've been in so much pain I do now. Well gotta go see ya 2 morrow. I)

  • One night many years ago I was lying in bed and i sneezed. I got up and something went very bad in my lower back. I fell on the floor unable to hold myself up from the pain. It was L5/S1 that apparently had had enough of the abuse I had given it over the years (musician). I went through all the tests and scans and injections and meds that docs put people through to finally come to the conclusion that surgery was the final solution.

    Within the year I was umpiring my sons baseball games. Now many years later, the disks above have finally given out and I had L4/5 fusion done on June 18th 2008 and i feel wonderful (there at least).

    It's not in your head, it's not your fault and all those people who think your 'making it up' or are trying to mooch the system because they may think your lazy or don't want to work are full of cr*p!

    Please be very careful with the neurontin! Don't go cold turkey off it like I did (stupid, stupid, stupid...) because you may have withdrawals (but hey, I lost almost 30 pounds and have kept it off!).

    Right now, your going to have to start keeping copies of all doc reports and any scans for your records. keep track of everything!
    Just in case,... if you 'come across' someone in the 'job market' who may look at you disdainfully, you can whip out a xerox of your back scan and show them...;>)

    The day before yesterday all I did was laundry, dishes and then (eventually) took my dog out to poop. I was walking back up the 3 porch stairs to re enter the house and my upper back (which is really bad) went out. I had to use my cane and my 17 y/o son (as a cane too, he's taller than me and thinner...;>) to get me back in my recliner.
    Yesterday I did absolutely nothing (well, eat/excrete/watch crummy tv/etc.) except lie on the couch and there was no upper pain. As for my lower back, well, I don't even think about it.

    As for your work, nothing will change their minds (been there, done that) and they will probably think of you as damaged goods unless you show them proof (that you are damaged goods, which you are...;>).
    Sadly, it's a no-win situation from what i read in your post.

    My 2 cents, surgery... and at least a year of recovery, sooner depending on what type of work you do. You also need to understand that your life has now changed. Maybe worse in some ways but different nontheless.
    I hate sounding like the bearer of bad news but it's definately something you have to think about. But nothing you can't overcome. Your human and can adapt! We do that sorta thing from time to time!
  • I tried cutting grass today since nobody will come do it for us. I started where the grass is much taller around our septic tank and only got some done but thought if I stop I will not cut grass later so I pushed myself to finish most of the grass and then I was in terrioble pain from my shoulders down to my toes so I stopped and went in sat down and started crying because I use to cut the whole back yard in about 2 hours now it takes me more than 4 days.

    See ya later,
    I hope to go back to work next week but we'll see. :(

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  • I so know how you feel, in fact I am just getting ready to go see my "brain surgeon" (aka psychiatrist). I have been so terribly depressed and frustrated. I just finally got a referral to another PM from my MD. The last PM I had kept wanting to wean me off meds. Hmmph. What he had me on didn't work for crap to begin with... So been swinging on the knot on the end of my rope for several months here and Im slippin'.

    Will see how things go today and if he can find a way to show me a light at the end of the tunnel... Wish me luck with the new PM as well. Havent gotten an appt time from them yet... they should be calling in the next day or two.

    Good luck to you all as well, praying for miracles for us all !!

  • Misty,
    Better out than in and we all have our sad tale to tell at one time, at least you are moving forward and those tears will enable to refocus within your limited capability, anger is useful when targeted towards improvement. We may have a limited range and scope but better to have tried than not at all, everyone here have been where you are, we understand and are supportive as a consequence.

    The key is what to do next and we all struggle to find any route let alone the best one, we all cry in private not wanting to give the satisfaction to others that we may not be able to cope, you need not validate your condition to your workers many have no knowledge of experience of living with pain all the time and you are ascribing them with that understanding that they may never have.

    Financial social support has those tainted misnomers here that we are all driving new cars and living the good life, I have lived downstairs for 17 years and nobody here has asked me to swap with them, as you say they can have the support but the pain comes with it.

    Little is written in the specific difficulties in living or existing in this situation day and night every day, I am doing a good job I do not need others with no experience to question my effort. We have some laws that protect individuals from discrimination here and your company do not sound the type who have much understanding and that is not your fault. We all know how much effort it take to continue acting normally whit this level of restriction, and I for one think you are doing a great job, crying or not, get it our girl.

    John =D>
  • I can't say words that would express what I feel at this time but I want to say oh so much thank you for those kind words. Yeah folks at my work don't know how much pain I am while I'm at work trying to earn a living and pay my bills. My produce manager tries to put much junk on me than I can handle but I try and sometimes I do it just to show them I can still do my job, but all the long I'm in severe pain holding back my tears. I'll go to the bathroom and cry while I'm alone and when I hear someone I stop then when they leave I finish, yet I hurry so I can get back to my job before it's time to quit. My manager ask why are your eyes red I tell him I have allergies so I don't have to explain to him that I'm in pain and really want to go home.
    Now with the Store Manager you can't tell him anything, he always says NO. I think he's wife wears the pants at the house so he has to plays MR. Big Pants at work. He has no heart towards others. He does treat some folks with respect, like his pets he laughs with cuts up with but other folks and me he doesn't treat us fairly and I was looking in on getting him fired due to discrmination. Every since I had my accident he treats me with no respect looks down on me, makes me feel like I'm an ant when he comes back with the stupid questions.
    Well I went to the dr this week and told him I'm getting depressed he told me not to because that is when most folks go down hill in their health. I would understand that, If I was looking forward getting up in the mornings and going to work being around folks that would cheer you up then yeah I wouldn't be talking to him but I don't have that kinda work. I stand for 6 hrs straight to cut up fruit for the store, I cut everything from Watermelons, Cantalopes, Honeydews, Strawberries, Grapes, Kiwi, Managoes, Apples, Oranges, and anything else that can be cut up. I make about
    30 cups of mixed fruit
    20 sm trays of fruit
    15 cups each of Water, Cant, Pineapple, and Honeydew cups to sell
    16 small bowls
    10 large bowls of mixed fruit all together!
    forgot the small cups 30-45 of them all in one day!

    Now I tell you most of the time I can get all that done because I have a 20 foot shelf to put it all on not counting back up in the cooler.
    And they were talking about making my shelf much bigger than it already is, and I told them they better find someone to work with me to help because I wouldn't be able to work anymore long hours than I already work.
    They did hire someone to work with me and now I've been out of work with my left wrist (surgery) so he has to do all that I done plus more. Now they know what I've been trying to tell them that just one person can't do all of it alone by themselves!

    Well I'm going to go take my zanaflex and sit a little before I go cut grass, let me back that up or TRY to cut grass I hurt so much yesterday I couldn't get the lawnmower back in the shed I had to have my neighbor help me, then the other neighbor got onto me because I'm cutting grass with my left wrist just coming out of surgery a month ago! Yeah it hurts but so does my back so what is the difference? hand hurt or back hurt?

    I love talking with yall!
  • you have rights you may not know about. If your boss is giving you grief he is trying to get you to quit? are they not accomodating you and your limitations? i would seek some counsel to make sure your rights are protected. Do see a doctor of your choice. The w/c/ docs work for guess who,the insurance co. so they may short you on treatment.
    As for that anus of a boss... tell him to back off, he wil push you beyond your tolorance,and where will you be then?
    Hang tough and dont give in to the pain or depressin. this phase will pass and you will come out of the other side better emotionsally. its important right now to recognise you have new limits,its ok to explore them,and find out what they are.that is a good baseline to start! then you canbuild from that base. recognising limitation is a vital step forward,remember though,all that make you, "YOU" is all inside will never lose all the drives, the love and passions thatlive inside you,you cant stop your soul from reaching to its goal.
    find a new centre in your self,accept when you can you have new limits,you are a wonderfull and fully worthy person of respect OK? its ok to let the pack move ahead,your no different inside than they are, your just gonna take a little more time to get to your goals.
    demand respect as any person should of thier peers,report your boss if he exceeds the boundrys of decorum,dont be afraid of living...
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I work for one of the leading retal companies in the world and went through so much of the same thing you are going through. 14 years ago I got hurt on the job and was treated like crap by my store manager and several work associates. One of my managers told me there was no way I could be in that much pain. Co-workers often said to just buck up and try not to think about the pain. I was fortunate in that I was able to sit down and answers phones besides working on the salesfloor so that is the only way I could make it thruugh the day. Tell work comp. that you will be in contact with the Workers Compensation Board in whatever state you live in if they do not make some reasonable accomadations for you at work so that you do not have to stand for hours on end. Can they supply you with a chair to sit down while cutting produce? When you are not working are you receiving workmen's comp. benefits? I feel so sorry for you and am just ashamed of the way people treat peoples with pain and injuries that they have no clue about. I am now having severe back pain between my shoulder blades, in low back, and in my neck. MRI shows some mild degenrative disc disease, artheritis in facet joints, and moderate spinal stenosis. My doctor says that my MRI shows that there is nothing that should be causes me this pain, but I am in pain 24/7. He does not think people should take pain meds. so he will only give me 30 vicodin a month. I just had a cervical epidural injection yesterday and am praying for relief. I wish you the best and feel so much sympathy for you. Take Care. Hope
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